Emboldened by national attention resulting from the careful and creative wording of current ballot amendments, the Shelby County Election Commission has committed considerable time and evident talent to improving the greatest works of world literature. While Fly on the Wall has yet to see a completed text, 5 first line samples were leaked this morning, revealing the epic scope of the Commission’s City Council-aided writing project.
Great Works of Literature as Written by the Shelby Co. Election Commission
Moby- Dick
Herman Melville with the Shelby Co. Election Commission
“Shall Ishmael serve as a common spoken or chirographic signifier not expressly for greeting, but sometimes for gaining the narrator’s attention?”
Great Works of Literature as Written by the Shelby Co. Election Commission (2)
Gravity’s Rainbow
Thomas Pynchon with the Shelby Co. Election Commission
“Shall the sky elect to not to retain its natural silence, in favor of free expression, horizon to horizon?”
Great Works of Literature as Written by the Shelby Co. Election Commission (3)
Fahrenheit 451
Ray Bradbury with the Shelby Co. Election Commission
“Shall the combustibility of literature, as it stands with all officers and offices engaging in the combustion procedure, be any reason to limit terms of pleasure?”
Great Works of Literature as Written by the Shelby Co. Election Commission (4)
A Tale of Two Cities
Charles Dickens with the Shelby Co. Election Commission
“Shall we claim, of the times between 1770 and 1794, that each individual year, and the age collectively, was both better and worse than any other age pursuant to its wisdom, foolishness, belief, incredulity, lightness, darkness, hope, despair, and to the various seasons to which these qualities may be poetically associated?
Great Works of Literature as Written by the Shelby Co. Election Commission (5)
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas: A Savage Journey to the Heart of the American Dream
Hunter S. Thompson with the Shelby Co. Election Commission
“Shall we agree that when the drugs took hold, all persons who had selected drugs, were in San Bernardino, east of Apple Valley but west of Needles and not so far north as to constitute the municipal boundaries of the city of Barstow?”
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Yes, this is a parody. Didn’t you see the orange tab at the top of the page?
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