Welp, ol’ Bill O’Reilly has fired up his annual campaign against the mythical War on Christmas. He’s like Linus, waiting for the Great Pumpkin to appear. For 15 years, Bill has raged against the forces of evil, you know, the folks who say, “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas,” like real Americans.
But some of his fellow patriots at Fox have found a new enemy: the Muppets. Yes, it’s true, the Muppets are un-American. They teach our children to hate capitalism and the oil industry. On “Follow the Money,” a business program, host Eric Bolling went off on the new Muppets movie, complaining that the villain’s name, Tex Richman, was a not-so-subtle slam at the oil industry. Dan Gainor of the Media Research Center, took it a step farther: “It’s amazing how far the left will go just to manipulate your kids, to convince them, give the anti-corporate message. They’ve been doing it for decades. Hollywood, the left, the media, they hate the oil industry. They hate corporate America.”
Bastards.
First, liberals attack Christmas. Now the Muppets, a noted liberal cabal, are brain-washing our kids to hate corporations. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg, if you ask me. I’ve got a few more questions for the Hollywood commies:
Why didn’t Donald Duck wear pants? Who fathered Huey, Dewey, and Louie? Did Olive Oyl have Swee’pea out of wedlock? And what’s the deal with Goofy? Is he a dog, and if so, how can HAVE a dog like Pluto? Man on dog? Dog on dog? What gives? C’mon, Fox. Step up your game.
