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HEAP BIG PRETENDER

A man claiming to be a Canadian-born aborigine has been deported after it was determined he is actually an American citizen. Lisa Big Eagle, upset about her husband Charlie Smoke’s deportation, has been quoted by the Canadian press saying she “can’t believe they did this to (Smoke) and they did this to our family.” Canadian officials claim to have fingerprints and a birth certificate proving that Smoke is actually Roger Leo Adams Junior from — where else? — Memphis. To his credit, the name Adams is an ancient Native-Canadian word meaning “American beer sucks, eh?”