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HOLY SH*T

Just because they suspended Andy Wise over a bit of overzealous evangelism doesn’t mean that WREG’s opposed to totally bizarre Christ-centric programming. Channel 3 has just devoted a segment to solving an intriguing mystery over 2,000 years old: Where was Jesus hanging out during his tweens? There’s no historical record to pull from and no gospel account either, but that didn’t stop the intrepid On Your Side news team from getting their story. After concluding that the J-man probably spent most of his time at home with Mary and Joseph, WREG proposed a reading list that included The Aquarian Gospel, a book written by Levi Dowling who, in spite of being born in the late 19th century, claimed to have personally witnessed Jesus’ entire life. According to Aquarian scholars, all history is recorded on tiny disc-like plates smaller than atoms that can only be accessed by a person who knows how to focus their “mind-receptors” to the proper frequency.

Can anybody at Channel 3 even spell credibility? — Chris Davis

Plante: How It Looks