Step aside, Colonel Mustard. Your Clue antics, your candlestick and dice,
are nothing compared to the games we real-lifers play. What’s more, we often
don’t even know we’re playing them.
“There are a countless number of mind games we play,”
says Dr. Patricia Millikin, a marriage and family therapist. “These games
can be defined as a pattern of behavior or personality that has negative
consequences on somebody, whether it be another person, yourself, or
both.” Millikin will present her self-help seminar “The Games People
Play” at the Memphis Brooks Museum of Art Saturday, July 21st, 9 a.m.-
noon.
These games, says Millikin, can decide relationships, careers,
anything and everything, really, and the player finds his role — persecutor,
victim, rescuer — in that murky, touchy-feely place of self-esteem.
First up, “Blemish.” The players: Mary (persecutor) and
Joanne (victim). Object: Supremacy. First move: Mary, whose husband is the
more successful, mentions Joanne’s dress, then Joanne’s husband’s job.
Joanne’s feeling belittled. Score one for Mary. Then Joanne rallies,
recognizing Mary’s motives, and responds to Mary’s negatives with positives.
Mary is declawed and defeated. Game over.
Next, “Wooden Leg” and the similar “Poor Me.”
The players: John (rescuer) and Ken (victim). Object: Compassion. First move:
Ken constantly complains that he’s passed over for promotions because he
doesn’t have a college degree. The game continues as long as John feels sorry
for Ken. Finally John says, “I would spend my money on going back to
school to get my diploma and then a promotion if I were you, Ken.” John
has just enlightened Ken with an alternative to his complaining and let him
know that it is no longer acceptable. Game over.
“Gee, You’re Wonderful.” The players: Sue (soon-to-be-
victim) and members of a bridge club (persecutors). Object: Obliteration. This
game is played by those people who compliment an individual repeatedly until a
slight mess-up. These people have truly set up this individual for failure
with their short-lasting praise and their inevitable attack. Sue is a new
member of the bridge club, and everyone loves her. She then cancels the club
meeting that was scheduled at her house and is rejected, even after trying to
make amends. This minor letdown leads to immediate disassociation from the
girls in the club, and she is now the prime example of a victim. Game
over.
“Yes, But.” The players: Jane (rescuer) and Alice
(victim). The object: Compliance. Alice has problems with her mother and asks
Jane for help. Jane offers advice, explaining she solved the same problem in a
particular way. Alice doesn’t accept the advice and wants a different answer.
The game goes on, though Alice can end the game by admitting she doesn’t know
what to do. Call it a draw. Game over.
One last example, “Self-expression.” The players: David
(persecutor) and Frank (victim). David insults Frank’s brother, but when Frank
responds with a jab at David’s brother, David blows up. David feels he has the
right to express his opinion, but Frank can’t do the same. David is the one
setting up the game. Game over.
According to Millikin, “Every game has an invitation for the
other person to be a part of the game. So often we don’t even know we are
doing it.”
Millikin says she became interested in these sorts of behavior
patterns after reading about transactional analysis. Millikin attended the
University of Wisconsin and did her post-graduate work at Harvard. She later
graduated from the University of Memphis, where she received her doctorate in
education.
“I like to teach people about what’s happening and about the
power they have to stop the games going on in their lives,” Millikin
says. Recognizing patterns can be a way to get away from stress and get ahead
at work.
“When people come see me I want them to leave feeling
good,” Millikin says. “I want them to gain knowledge of their
strengths and weaknesses and know how to manage all of them.”
Games People Play
9 a.m.-noon Saturday, July 21st
$50
Memphis Brooks Museum of Art
