Someone I’m close to inadvertently let their Tennessee vehicle tags expire. Since I have more time on my hands to deal with such situations these days, I decided to help out by tackling the project of getting them one of those snazzy new blue license plates. I didn’t expect to have much trouble, even given the recently well-publicized problems of Shelby County Clerk Wanda Halbert’s bureaucracy. My optimism was based solely on the fact that in early August I ordered a new plate online and it arrived within a week. Maybe, I told my friend, things are improving. Ha. Ha. Polly? Meet Anna.
Let me review the situation for those of you who haven’t been paying attention — and that includes all of you grossly uninformed Shelby Countians who just voted to reelect Halbert despite well-publicized reports on her many problems in executing the duties of her office. To enumerate: There’s an enormous backlog of ordered license plates that has resulted in thousands of people being at risk for being pulled over for expired tags; the local Auto Dealers Association has complained (and complained) that they aren’t getting temporary (or new) plates for their vehicles; the state comptroller has criticized Halbert’s performance, which opened the possibility of a state takeover; Halbert announced that the clerk’s office would close for two (non-consecutive) weeks to “catch up”; and finally the state comptroller confirmed that in the midst of all this chaos and public uproar, Halbert decided it was a perfect time to take a vacation trip to Jamaica.
Still, since I’d had no issues getting my own plate and tags, I was hopeful I could handle all of this online and be done with it. So I went to the county clerk website and typed in my friend’s address and the plate number. Oops. “No such plate number exists,” it said. What? After a little reading, I figured out the issue. The person in question had allowed their tags to expire more than 90 days ago, meaning I had to “contact the county clerk’s office.” Ugh.
So I called. The voicemail, which helpfully let me know that Wanda Halbert is the county clerk a couple of times, explained that “wait times may be longer than usual” and suggested that I write an email to explain the situation. Dutifully, I shot off an email explaining the situation, giving the address and vehicle license number, and hoped for the best, even though It felt a bit like tossing a sacrificial pineapple into an erupting volcano. Then, in the interest of science (and maybe getting a column out of it), I decided to try to get through by telephone. What’s the worst that could happen? At 9:17 a.m., I plugged my phone into a charger, put it on speaker, and dialed back into Wanda World.
I got the opening voicemail, clicked through to make a call, then soothing music began, kind of like what you’d hear if Kenny G played guitar through a Jell-O tube amp. (What, no reggae?) Anyway, every 30 seconds I heard: “Your call is very important to us and will be answered in the order it was received. Please continue to hold.” After the voicemail recording told me this 290 times, I heard a click and someone answered. THANK JESUS, a human! I explained the situation to the person on the phone and she said the issue could not be resolved without the license holder coming into the county clerk’s office in person.
“How long is the wait for people when they come into the office?” I asked.
“Sir, I’m at a call center,” the person responded. “I have no idea.”
A call center. Perfect.
I decided to drive to the county clerk satellite office at Poplar Plaza. The line to get into the office snaked around the corner, maybe 100 people deep.
Friends, Shelby Countians deserve better. Halbert needs to own this, but she won’t. Her response to all of these issues has been that it’s someone else’s fault. She claimed any criticism of her ill-timed vacation is a “personal attack.” No, it is not, Ms. Halbert. You don’t leave your troops — or your constituency — in the middle of a crisis. You were elected to do a job and you’ve failed. All of this is on your plate.
