Spring Breakers
One spring breaker got more than he bargained for when he got into a fight with Jack Turner, 18, of Fort Myers, Florida. The Smoking Gun reported that on March 17, a sheriff’s deputy was patrolling Fort Myers Beach when he was “flagged down” about an altercation. As Turner and Juwan Black tussled in the sand, police said, Turner “pulled Black’s head upward as he brought his face toward the left side of Black’s head.” That’s when Turner bit off Black’s ear. Black was taken to the hospital for treatment; Turner was arrested for felony battery and posted $50,000 bond. Turner applied for a public defender, saying he has no income and that his bond was posted by his family. His home is a three-bedroom house in Fort Myers purchased by his parents in 2018.
Least Competent Criminal
On March 18, as Ellen Schapps Richman, 76, drove her Mercedes SUV to a golf lesson at Palm Beach Country Club, she had a vague sense that she had hit something — maybe a piece of “debris” in the road. The Palm Beach Daily News reported that actually, Richman allegedly hit a bicyclist, 63, and then continued on, dragging him and his bike a short distance down the road. When Richman arrived at the club, she handed her car keys to a valet and told him she thought the damage to her car was from something she hit, police said. The cyclist, meanwhile, had “massive” injuries to his left leg and was transported to a hospital. Richman, an area philanthropist and adjunct professor of business at Columbia Business School, has been ordered by Circuit Judge Donald Hafele not to drive. She faces a charge of leaving the scene of a crash involving death or injuries.
Don’t Try This at Home
The Daily Express reported that a couple in Jilin, China, were forced to visit a hospital on March 18 after the woman’s hand became stuck in her boyfriend’s mouth. They were testing whether her hand would fit in his mouth when the muscles in his mouth spasmed, preventing her from pulling her hand out. The man’s face turned red and he began salivating, and his teeth were clamped down on her hand. “It felt like my hand was stuck in a meat grinder,” she said. At the hospital, doctors administered muscle relaxants to the man, and after about 20 minutes, the woman was able to remove her hand.
Awesome!
Paul Broome, 55, of Bognor, England, specified in his will that he wanted to be buried in a Snickers bar-themed coffin, NDTV reported on March 24. So when he passed on, his family got to work. Broome was a care assistant for adults with learning disabilities and a big fan of the chocolate bar and the Crystal Palace FC. His coffin, which was painted to look like a half-unwrapped Snickers, also said “I’m nuts” on the side and featured the football club’s logo. “Paul’s family informed us that he was one of life’s true characters, and his farewell needed to reflect that,” said Ali Leggo of FA Holland Funeralcare.
Latest Religious Message
Senior adviser to the White House Faith Office Paula White-Cain had a Passover deal for you, Raw Story reported on March 24, but only if you sent her $1,000 before Easter. With that donation, she promised, you’d receive seven “Blessings of Passover,” which included an angel assigned to you by God, long life, “an increase for inheritance,” and a special year of blessing. “You’re not doing this to get something,” she clarified on a video, “but you’re doing it in honor of God, realizing what you can receive.” One featured gift was a 10-inch-tall Waterford crystal cross (retail, $100, but on sale at Waterford.com for 30 percent off). Nine years ago, White-Cain sold a rock for $1,144 that she billed as a “resurrection seed.”
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