I just moved in with my boyfriend Ben and we’re deliriously happy. We’ve been together for about four years and I consider this the next step towards our wedding. I wouldn’t have moved in if I thought it was to live together and then eventually break up and go our separate ways. I want to be with Ben for the rest of my life.
After living with him for about a month, I think I’m going to have to move out. Every week he goes out to dinner with his parents one night out of the week. I’m never invited. When he told me one time I could meet them at the restaurant, I got so mad I told him to forget it. Then I found out that his parents don’t know we’re living together and that he doesn’t plan on telling them.
His parents have always liked me and been nice when they’ve met me. I don’t see what the problem is. My parents have known since before I moved. He says he hasn’t told his because they are very religious and he knows they won’t approve. I don’t buy it. He’s 32 and I think he should grow up and tell them.
Signed,
Nearly Homeless
Okay:
I thought it was always the girl who couldn’t tell her parents about her live-in. Not that that helps you in this case, however. But I bet it makes you feel kind of whory that he won’t tell them. Like you’re just some floozy sharing his bed who’s not worth mentioning. Then again, it might make you feel even more whory if his parents are really religious and he told them.
Religion has been known to make people crazy (terrorists, anyone?). He might be 32, but it might be easier (for him, at least) if he just avoids the subject altogether with his zealoty parents. If they’re going to shun him (or more likely, you), he might feel he’s protecting you from a huge scene (especially at a restaurant).
On the other hand, it takes two to cohabitate. He should be able to stand up to said zealoty parents and declare both his love for you and the fact that you’re not a floozy. Because you’re not living there alone; if you were, this wouldn’t be an issue at all.
You need to understand that maybe his parents are better off not knowing. Honestly isn’t always the best policy. He’s known them for 32 years, after all; he’s probably gone through something like this before (not exactly, I’m just saying I’m sure he’s had girlfriends in the past and there were probably indicators about how Mom and Dad would feel about him living with them). But he needs to understand why it bothers you. So figure out if it makes you feel like you’re temporary or a floozy or not worth mentioning and tell him.
If that doesn’t change his mind, or change yours, it might be a dealbreaker. If you’re having problems in the first month, you should definitely consider a change of venue. Either way I see this resolving itself fairly soon, mostly because I think his parents are going to find out you’re living there. His mom will drop by unexpectedly and see all your clothes hanging in his closet. Or they’ll call and you’ll answer the phone, “Ben and Nearly Homeless’ residence.” And that will be that.
I’m going to my 10-year high school reunion in a few weeks. Ever since I heard about it, I’ve been on a diet and am now at a coveted size 4. For the past few years, before the extra dieting, I’m probably a small-ish size 8. Ten years ago, when I was 18, I was a size 18.
I never thought I’d go to my reunion. High school wasn’t exactly pleasant. I had a few friends, but I never dated anyone. I think I will surprise people I haven’t seen in a few years, but I only want to wow this one guy I liked all through school. He wasn’t captain of the football team or anything like that, just a regular guy in my French class. Even regular guys were out of my league back then. I did some checking and he’s divorced. Should I call him up and ask him to be my date?
Signed,
Skinny Minnie
Okay:
If you really want to wow him, just wait. Go to the reunion with someone attractive, but platonic (do you have any gay male friends?), and then carefully intrude into his sight line. In something slinky and revealing, preferably.
Remember, it’s been 10 years. You could call him, but come on, a lot can happen in ten years. He could get married and divorced, for instance. You don’t want to look like the girl that’s been pining away over him for the last decade, do you? I don’t care if you’re a size negative 2, that’s crazy.
Plus, you’ve changed a lot. Chances are he will have, too. He probably won’t be exactly how you remember him; it doesn’t sound like you knew him well even way back when. I don’t care how nice he was in French, he might be a jerk now. You don’t want to box yourself into spending the entire evening with someone you don’t like.
Here’s the deal: take the gay friend we talked about and just have a good time. If you still want to after you actually talk to your moldy crush, make a move. But if you don’t, feel free to wow some other people. Kick up your heels. Maybe even meet somebody else. Just don’t set yourself up for all that disappointment of your dream man not working out. It’s not worth it.
