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The Battle for Midtown

A series of information meetings and yard signs are speaking out against Memphis 3.0. (Photo: Toby Sells)

Editor’s note: Citywide planning, land use discussions, zoning, and the potential economics of it all are far too broad and dense to ever be covered in a single news story. (So are other considerations about income, race, and population loss.) Please consider this piece the beginning of our coverage on Memphis 3.0.

For this one, we’ll take you inside one of MidtownMemphis.org’s information meetings and share a Q&A rebuttal about it all from John Zeanah, director of the Memphis and Shelby County Division of Planning and Development (DPD).

Memphis 3.0 will “sell out” Midtown neighborhoods to investors and businesses looking to cash in on (but maybe never really care about) the attractive communities residents in those places have built over decades.

That’s a very basic expression of the argument voiced for months now from MidtownMemphis.org. The volunteer group is fighting the plan with a series of information meetings, an online information hub, and yard signs — sure signs that a Midtown fight has gotten real.

Passed in 2019 and devised by former Memphis Mayor Jim Strickland’s administration, Memphis 3.0 is a document guiding the growth of Memphis. It’s up for its first-ever five-year renewal. A major strategy for sustainability in the plan has been to support some of the city’s anchors like Crosstown Concourse, Overton Square, and commercial areas around Cooper Street.

However, MidtownMemphis.org argues the locations for these anchors and the planned density that could surround them aren’t fair. For example, group members say a lot of density is planned for Midtown but very little for East Memphis.

Also, adding density to certain places around Midtown means multifamily homes, the group says, instead of single-family, owner-occupied homes. They fear profit-minded landlords will use 3.0 to work around zoning laws to create duplexes or quadplexes, won’t upkeep these properties, create transient tenants, and make neighborhoods less attractive for potential buyers. They say this could slowly destabilize neighborhoods into ghosts of their current selves.     

“What we’re against — and we have history on our side — is destabilizing the neighborhood to support Crosstown,” said MidtownMemphis.org volunteer Robert Gordon, who has spearheaded the battle against 3.0. “[The plan] is going to wreck Crosstown, wreck the neighborhood, and, consequently, wreck the city. And if you don’t believe me, go back to Midtown in 1969. Go back to Midtown in 1974. Go back to Midtown when it was zoned like the [Memphis 3.0] future land use planning map envisions zoning.”

All of it, they say, could lead to a showdown at Memphis City Hall next year as council members review the changes for a vote.

However, John Zeanah, director of the Memphis and Shelby County Division of Planning and Development, said the 3.0 plan won’t do what MidtownMemphis.org fears it will do.

“The goal is to make sure that our community has healthy, stable anchors that are supported by healthy, stable neighborhoods,” Zeanah said. “The suggestions that we would take extreme actions to destabilize neighborhoods is really puzzling. It doesn’t come from anything that we’re saying as a part of our meetings. It doesn’t come from anything the plan is saying.”

Nearly 60 people gathered for a MidtownMemphis.org Memphis 3.0 meeting earlier this month. (Photo: Toby Sells)

Inside a MidtownMemphis.org 3.0 meeting

A dreary, cold, wet February night was not enough to stop a crowd from sloshing through puddles to hear about how the Memphis 3.0 plan could “sell out our neighborhood,” as the signs say. Nearly 60 people gathered for a MidtownMemphis.org 3.0 meeting earlier this month at Friends For All.

MidtownMemphis.org has been holding meetings like these since September. Other info sessions — six in total — have been organized at Otherlands Coffee Bar, the Cooper-Young Community Association building, and the Benjamin L. Hooks Central Library. Gordon said it was in January that planing officials stopped working with MidtownMemphis.org on the 3.0 issue.

At the latest February meeting, Gordon took the stage before a slideshow projected on a screen behind him. He described MidtownMemphis.org as a “sort of neighborhood association for neighborhood associations,” meaning his group meets monthly with Midtown neighborhood groups from Central Gardens, Cooper-Young, and more. MidtownMemphis.org also plants trees around Midtown and oversees the community garden next to Huey’s Midtown.

Gordon told the crowd he entered public planning discussions as a NIMBY (not in my backyard), concerned that the Poplar Art Lofts plan in 2019 would push noise and exhaust onto those enjoying Overton Park. This led him to the MidtownMemphis.org organization and he’s been a volunteer with the group ever since.

Gordon described the 3.0 plan as a “city guide” and a “North Star” for Memphis-area planning efforts. The plan’s motto, he said, reverses the sprawl strategies of years past and embraces the idea to “build up, not out.” While the motto is the essence of the plan, Gordon called it “quite misleading.”

One critical foundation of the Memphis 3.0 plan is where that growth inside the city’s footprint should happen. The plan says that growth should happen around anchors. These anchors, picked with the help of residents, are usually commercial areas like Overton Square, Crosstown Concourse, Cooper-Young, and others.

To Gordon, city planners dropped a compass point on these anchors and drew a circle around them. Inside those circles is where the 3.0 plan wants to grow, he said. This is a critical foundation of MidtownMemphis.org’s argument against the 3.0 plan, with Gordon saying, “I’m not alone in thinking that’s a bad way to make plans.”

“So, you may have bought your home in a single-family neighborhood, but the future land use planning map sees in the future … a change to a more dense kind of neighborhood,” Gordon told the crowd. “One of our big issues with [3.0] is right here at the core of it: the anchors. We don’t agree that an anchor necessarily warrants this kind of density. Nor do we agree with what are called ‘anchors.’ For example, let’s just point out, Overton Park is not an anchor.”

The anchor model and the density projections that come with it are brush strokes too broad to paint the intricacies of planning something as complex as Midtown neighborhoods, Gordon said. This is seen at a macro level in the plan as the city is divvied up into 14 planing zones. In this, Midtown, the Medical Center, and Downtown are merged into one zone called “Core City.”

“I think that is a mistake because Midtown is residential housing, and Downtown and the Medical Center are not,” Gordon says. “So, let’s start by saying those should be separated.”

But Gordon easily shifts into the micro: the dense, complex, nitty-gritty of 3.0 that could allow single-family neighborhoods to legally be chopped into quadplexes, new units built where they can’t be now and, he says, destabilize Midtown neighborhoods.

The density models from anchor planning in 3.0 are the easiest way for a developer to create multifamily in a single-family zone, he said. They’ll pay “professional convincers,” basically development lobbyists at Memphis City Hall, to speak to planning boards like the Land Use Control Board or the Board of Adjustment and ask for a special zoning change on property from single family to multifamily.   

“This professional convincer is going to go in there armed with information from Memphis 3.0 and say, ‘This is what the city wants,’” he said. “So, in short order, your single-family neighborhood is going to begin to show multifamily buildings. And people who are looking for houses to buy are going to go, ‘Wait a minute. I remember this as a single-family neighborhood. What’s that four-plex doing there?’”

While the process may move slowly, he said, it could be a deciding factor for potential Midtown homeowners who might not want to gamble their biggest investment “on a neighborhood that’s in flux.”

A neighborhood could get multifamily zoning even if it’s not in one of those anchor density zones, Gordon said. The Memphis 3.0 plan designates some entire streets for higher density, regardless of where they lie, he said. So, even if your neighborhood passes all the other tests, a developer could use the street designation as an argument for, say, a four-plex on a street. Later, another developer could come in wanting the same thing nearby because there’s already one across the street.

A third way Gordon told crowd members a neighborhood could get density through 3.0 is from degree of change. He joked it was the “dreaded degree of change” because it was harder to explain. The term, he said, basically means how money gets into a neighborhood. The 3.0 plan outlines three categories, he said. In it, the city works alone or with developers to fuel projects in certain neighborhoods, based on the need, and that could mean high-density housing.

“If you’re in a ‘nurture’ neighborhood, the city’s going to throw a lot of money at you,” Gordon said. “If you’re in an ‘accelerate’ neighborhood, the city’s going to throw some money at you but they’re going to try and get private investment to come in.

“If you’re in a ‘sustain’ neighborhood, then the city’s is going to say that private investors are going to take care of that.”

Memphis 3.0’s future land use planning map envisions denser neighborhoods. (Photo: Courtesy Memphis and Shelby County DPD)

A contentious question of motivation

The Q&A portion of the meeting found a raw spot in discussions around Memphis 3.0 and the density topic in general. The basic question: Are single-family housing proponents seeking to bar low-income people from their neighborhoods?

Abby Sheridan raised the point gently at the MidtownMemphis.org meeting. The reason she and her family moved close to Crosstown, she said, was to be within walking distance of the Concourse, for the density. She went to the meeting to see what the opposition to 3.0 was about, she said.

“Don’t be afraid of density,” she told the crowd. “Just because we allow for different types of housing doesn’t mean it’s an automatic guarantee.

“I’ve lived in multi-unit neighborhoods for most of my adult life. They are thriving, vibrant communities.

“If we, as Evergreen [residents], believe that diversity is our strength, y’all are really showing your colors tonight.”

The comment sucked the air from the room that was quickly filled with side chatter, sighs, and low gasps. Emily Bishop, a MidtownMemphis.org volunteer, responded, saying owner-occupied homes stabilized Cooper-Young in the late ’80s when she bought her home (once a duplex, she said) there. 

“The businesses were nonexistent in Cooper-Young,” Bishop said. “There was one Indochina restaurant. [The neighborhood] was light industrial at best.

“There was no zoning change that brought density back. What makes a neighborhood thrive are owner-occupied homes with people who get involved, who do the code enforcement work, who get rid of slumlords, and who support the local businesses.”

In all, Bishop said Memphis doesn’t have a housing shortage; it has an affordable housing shortage.

“And there again,” Sheridan said, “what I’m hearing you say is … ‘not in our neighborhood.’”

Gordon jumped in to cool off the topic by saying that MidtownMemphis.org really is simply in favor of doing smaller plans for distinct neighborhoods.

Joe Ozment spoke plainly.

“I’ve been doing criminal defense in this city for 33 years and I’ve seen what’s happened in areas like Hickory Hill and Cordova when you add density,” he said. “We don’t want that in Midtown.”

Jerred Price, president of the Downtown Neighborhood Association, and his board attended the meeting to “support the neighbors.” He and the board agreed that Downtown should be a separate planning bloc from Midtown. He said the anchor-and-compass method “shouldn’t be a strategy for development.”

Dropping “one of those special, little circle-drawing thingamajiggers” at St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital would mean high density for the single-family neighborhoods like Uptown, he said. But higher density could be welcomed on the other side of the interstate there because it’s in the Downtown core.

“So, even for us, those circles don’t make any sense of our communities,” Price said. “We stand with you on that.”

Asked about the timeline of the Memphis 3.0 proposal, Gordon said public meetings will continue through this year. Revised plans with that public input would then be published. Then, the Memphis City Council would vote on them, likely in 2026.

“If the future land use planning map hasn’t changed,” he said, “we will continue to marshal forces and the idea will be a showdown at city council.

“We would bring many citizens up there to protest a map that is not properly planned and does not look at what is stable in Midtown, is determined to destabilize Midtown for the benefit of commercial anchors, and is giving a free pass to other parts of town.” 

Q&A with John Zeanah

John Zeanah is the director of the Memphis and Shelby County Division of Planning and Development. He said overarching city plans like Memphis 3.0 are nothing new; they’re even mandated for cities in certain states. 

Among those plans, Memphis 3.0 stands out, Zeanah said. It has won awards from the American Planning Association and the Congress for the New Urbanism. Memphis 3.0 is the city’s first comprehensive plan since 1981.

We asked him to respond to the movement against the 3.0 plan, which was authored by his office. — Toby Sells

Memphis Flyer: What do you make of the arguments about 3.0 from MidtownMemphis.org?
John Zeanah: Memphis 3.0 was adopted six years ago. So, when is it going to do those things [that MidtownMemphis.org argues] if it hasn’t already?

They’re saying the plan is up for a five-year review.
We’re undergoing our first five-year plan update now. One of the things that we’re doing as a part of the five-year plan update … is conducting a comprehensive look at the zoning map and understanding how well our zoning works with [Memphis 3.0].

I think part of the misunderstanding is the claim that we would necessarily rezone areas, according to the plan, to the most intense use or the most intense zoning district that could be conceived. And that’s not the case.

First of all, [Memphis 3.0] is general in nature. It — and the future land use map that they are so worried about — is meant to be general, with a generalized land use map. 

I think there’s some misunderstanding about whether the future land use map is calling for all these new things to happen. It’s an expression of what’s existing today. In some cases, it’s a mix of both.

Suffice to say, as we are going through the five-year plan update and we’re thinking about how zoning is a tool to implement the plan, our orientation is not to just apply the most-intense zoning district. There are changes to zoning that may not always be in residential areas. In fact, I’d say most of the zoning changes that will end up being recommended are in some of our commercial areas and commercial corridors.

The goal is to make sure that our community has healthy, stable anchors that are supported by healthy, stable neighborhoods. The suggestions that we would take extreme actions to destabilize neighborhoods are really puzzling. It doesn’t come from anything that we’re saying as a part of our meetings. It doesn’t come from anything the plan is saying.

They’ve said developers could use the future land use planning map as another arrow in their quiver. They could argue that while multi-family homes may not be allowed in a zone now, they could point to the suggestion in Memphis 3.0 and make a case for their project at city hall.
One cannot simply point to a generalized land use map and say, “Well, because this area around an anchor is a mixed-use type, I should be entitled to do the most intense thing that is part of this mix.” That’s no. 1. And no. 2: The plan does not have the authority to entitle that. That’s the role of zoning.

So, if you live in a neighborhood that is predominantly single-family and your zoning is single-family detached, and it is a stable neighborhood, there is no reason for the city to propose changing the zoning for the neighborhood. You are the healthy, stable neighborhood that is helping to support the anchor nearby. That is a good thing. That’s what we want to help preserve. 

Categories
News The Fly-By

MEMernet: Ask Paul Anything, Horse Thief, and Dammit Gannett

Posted to Reddit by u/PaulYoungMemphis

Memphis on the internet.

Ask Paul Anything

Memphis Mayor Paul Young opened an Ask Me Anything (AMA) thread on the Memphis subreddit over the weekend. His answers were to be posted after press time. Questions centered around the Memphis Area Transit Authority, the potholes and trash on Airways to and from the airport, drive-out tags, and more. A major focus of questions, though, was on Elon Musk and his Memphis super computer’s environmental impact. 

Horse Thief

Posted to Facebook by Shelby Farms Stables

A stolen horse was returned to Shelby Farms Stables last week after a brazen daylight theft left stable workers tracking the animal and its thief down the Shelby Farms Greenline. Pancho was returned after the stable’s Facebook post about the theft blew up, as did a TV news spot on the ordeal. 

Dammit Gannett

The Commercial Appeal was on a hot streak of typos and errors last week, all captured on the All News Is Local Facebook group. One headline told of the “schoold voucher bill.” Another wondered if “Memphis VA wokers” had been laid off. Susan Adler Thorp roasted the Memphis paper’s post about where to get the best king cake in Knoxville.  

Categories
Astrology Fun Stuff

Free Will Astrology: Week of 02/27/25

Dario Bronnimann | Unsplash

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Aries author Anne Lamott articulated a thought that’s perfect for you to hear right now: “Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.” I might amend her wisdom a bit to say “for a few hours” or “a couple of days.” Now is a rare time when a purposeful disconnection can lead you to deeper synchronization. A project or relationship will improve after a gentle reset. Your power mantra: “Renew yourself with quiet inaction.”

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Beavers are the engineers of the natural world. The dams they fabricate not only create shelters for them but also benefit their entire ecosystem. The ponds and marshes they help shape provide rich habitats for many other species. Boosting biodiversity is their specialty. Their constructions also serve as natural filters, enhancing water quality downstream. Let’s make beavers your inspirational symbol for the coming weeks, Taurus. In their spirit, build what’s good for you with the intention of making it good for everyone whose life you touch. Ensure that your efforts will generate ripples that nourish your tribe and community.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): I predict that you will soon have reason to celebrate a resounding success. You will claim a well-deserved reward. You may even shiver with amazement and gratification as you marvel at how many challenges you overcame to emerge triumphant. In my view, you will have every right to exude extra pride and radiance. I won’t complain if you flirt with a burst of egotism. In accordance with my spirituality, I will tell you, “Remember that this wonder you have spawned will live for a very long time.”

CANCER (June 21-July 22): When you see the stars in the night sky, you’re looking at the ancient past. Light from those heavenly bodies may have taken as long as 4,000 years to reach us. So we are beholding them as they used to be, not as they are now. With that as your inspiration, I invite you to spend quality time gazing into your own personal past. Meditate on how your history is alive in you today, making its imprint on all you do and say. Say prayers and write messages to yourself in which you express your awe and appreciation for the epic myth that is your destiny.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): I mourn the growing climate calamity that is heating up our beloved planet. Among many other distortions, it has triggered yellow forsythias and blue gentians to blossom during winters in the Austrian Alps — an unprecedented event. At the same time, I am also able to marvel at the strange beauty of gorgeous flowers growing on the winter hills of ski resorts. So my feelings are mixed — paradoxical and confusing — and that’s fine with me. I regard it as a sign of soulfulness. May you be so blessed, Leo: full of appreciation for your capacity to hold conflicting ideas, perspectives, and feelings.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): The quietest place on Earth is a room at Microsoft’s headquarters near Seattle. It’s made of six layers of steel and concrete, and its foundation includes vibration-dampening springs. Within it, you can hear your heartbeat, the swishing of your clothes, and the hum of air molecules colliding. The silence is so eerily profound that many people become flummoxed while visiting. Here’s the moral of the story: While you Virgos are naturally inclined to favor order and precision, a modicum of noise and commotion in your life is often beneficial. Like background sounds that keep you oriented, minor wriggles and perturbations ensure you remain grounded. This will be extra important for you to acknowledge in the coming weeks.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): To make a Mobius strip, you give a half twist to a strip of paper and attach the ends. You have then created a surface with just one side and one edge. It’s a fun curiosity, but it also has practical applications. Using Mobius strips, engineers can design more efficient gears. Machinists make mechanical belts that are Mobius strips because they wear out less quickly. There are at least eight other concrete functions, as well. Let’s extrapolate from this to suggest that a similar theme might be arising in your life. What may seem like an interesting but impractical element could reveal its real-world value. You may find unexpected uses for playful features. One of your capacities has dimensions you have not yet explored, but are ready to.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Sandra Cisneros is a visionary writer with Sun and Mercury in Sagittarius. She is always in quest of the next big lesson and the next exciting adventure. But she also has the Moon, Venus, and Saturn in Scorpio. Her sensitive attunement to the hidden and secret aspects of reality is substantial. She thrives on cultivating a profound understanding of her inner world. It took her years to master the art of fully expressing both these sides of her character. I bring this to your attention, Scorpio, because you’re primed to go in quest for experiences that will open your heart to novel amazements — even as you connect with previously unknown aspects of your deep self that resonate with those experiences.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): The Moeraki Boulders are spread along a beach in New Zealand. Many of the 50 big rocks are nearly perfect spheres and up to six feet in diameter, so they provide a stunning visual feast. Scientists know that they have steadily grown for the last 4 million years, accumulating ever-new layers of minerals. I propose we make them your symbols of power until July 1st. In my astrological estimation, you are in a phase of laying long-term groundwork. What may seem to be a tedious accumulation of small, gradual victories is part of a grander undertaking. Like the Moeraki Boulders, your efforts will crystallize into an enduring foundation.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): A Japanese proverb says, “The bamboo that bends with the wind is stronger and more resilient than the oak tree that resists.” That’s true. When storms bluster, oak branches get broken and blown away. Bamboo may look delicate, but it is actually strong and capable of withstanding high winds. It flourishes by being flexible instead of rigid. That’s the approach I recommend to you, Capricorn. Challenges may emerge that inspire you to stay grounded by adapting. Your plans will become optimal as you adjust them. By trusting your natural resilience, you could find unexpected chances for interesting transformation. Your potency will lie in your ability to bend without breaking.  

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Seattle’s Space Needle serves as an observation tower. It’s 605 feet high. For years, there was a restaurant with a rotating floor at the top. In its early days, the movement was so brisk that some visitors got dizzy and nauseous. Engineers had to recalibrate the equipment, so it was sufficiently leisurely to keep everyone comfortable. Your current situation resembles this story. The right elements are in place, but you need to adjust the timing and rhythm. If there are frustrating glitches, they are clues to the fine-tuning that needs to be done. 

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Octopuses have three hearts, each with a different function. Every one of their eight limbs contains a mini-brain, giving them nine in total. Is there any doubt, then, that they are the patron creature for you Pisceans? No other zodiac sign is more multifaceted than you. No other can operate with grace on so many different levels. I celebrate your complexity, dear Pisces, which enables you to draw such rich experiences into your life and manage such diverse challenges. These qualities will be working at a peak in the coming weeks. For inspiration, consider putting an image of an octopus in your environment.

Categories
Fun Stuff News of the Weird

News of the Weird: Week of 02/27/25

Bright Idea

Toilet paper shoppers in Kagoshima Prefecture in southern Japan have a new option, GoodNewsNetwork.org reported on Jan. 14: rolls made from used diapers and other hygiene products. The cities of Shibushi and Osaki worked together to recycle disposable diapers starting in April 2024. The used items are sanitized, bleached, and shredded into a pulp to be mixed with recycled paper, to the tune of 30,000 rolls in the first two months of production. They’re sold at $2.70 for a dozen rolls. “Please support this eco-friendly product, which aims to promote a sustainable society by reusing local resources,” said Takumi Obo, spokesperson for the Osaki Municipal Government’s SDGs Promotion Council.

Irony

On Dec. 18 at the Family Dollar store in Mulberry, Florida, two shoplifters worked together to pull off a cleaning products heist, the Miami Herald reported on Jan. 10. The Polk County Sheriff’s Office, referring to the couple as Mr. Clean and Ms. Dookie until an arrest is made, hatched a plan to distract employees. “The man walked around the store gathering nearly $500 worth of merchandise [like lots of Gain, Tide and Clorox products],” officers said, “whilst the woman … [used] the restroom, without going to the restroom.” While employees cleaned up the mess, Mr. Clean walked past the registers and out to a Ford van, where Ms. Dookie joined him, and they drove away. The odd couple are still at large.

Unclear on the Concept

Hampton, Virginia, police officer J’ron Harry lost his job after a less-than-satisfying encounter with a prostitute on Dec. 30, WAVY-TV reported. Harry met 20-year-old Alexus “Dream” Copeland on an app and arranged to meet her that day at an apartment in Virginia Beach, police say. They agreed to shower together, but Copeland never came into the bathroom, instead lifting Harry’s phone, keys, wallet, and car (with police credentials). Police were able to track down the car in Norfolk; Copeland told them Harry had given her permission to borrow his car, but she was charged with grand larceny, credit card fraud, and prostitution. Harry was not charged but was terminated on Jan. 7.

Wrong Place, Wrong Time

A coyote “made a mistake” on Jan. 13 and ended up in the refrigerated case of the produce section at an Aldi store in Chicago, WLS-TV reported. It was sequestered behind a selection of fine cheeses after roaming around the parking lot just minutes earlier. “It picked an odd location,” said Stan Gehrt with the Cook County Coyote Project. “They do this sometimes. They’re trying to hide from us.” Gehrt said many of the animals who end up in a sketchy situation are those who haven’t found a mate yet. The coyote will be evaluated by the Flint Creek Wildlife Rehabilitation group, which will determine whether it can be released back into the wild.

Least Competent Criminal

Victoria state police in Australia released a video on Jan. 9 in an effort to identify two would-be arsonists who bungled their crime, Yahoo! News reported. In the video, two people in dark hoodies attempted to set fire to a Melbourne fast-food outlet on Christmas morning, but one of them became engulfed in flames. The footage shows the person removing their fiery trousers and running away bare-cheeked; the other person was seemingly unharmed.

Mistaken Identity

As a group of schoolchildren walked home on Jan. 13 in Syracuse, New York, Onondaga County Sheriff’s deputies approached the kids and said one girl, wearing a pink jacket and camo pants, was the suspect in a car theft nearby. WSTM-TV reported that another child started recording video as the 11-year-old girl and her friends denied the accusation and deputies put her in handcuffs. They showed the kids a picture of the suspect and said, “Girl, you gonna tell me this ain’t you?” Eventually, one deputy noticed that the suspect had longer hair and “apologized,” saying, “I’m sorry about it, but you matched the description pretty clearly.” The sheriff’s department reviewed the situation and claimed the detainment was “lawful and reasonable,” but Sheriff Toby Shelley met with the girl’s mother afterward and called their conversation “productive.”

NEWS OF THE WEIRD
© 2025 Andrews McMeel Syndication.
Reprinted with permission.
All rights reserved.

Categories
Food & Wine Food & Drink

Oh, Grate! Takes Great Care of Customers

Courtney Jones and Amy Bingham (Photo: Kristi Evans)

Oh Grate! is getting greater. Or “grater.”

They still use graters for the cheese on some of their frozen ready-to-heat meals, and sales of their Fiesta Sauce (formerly known as Tropical Dressing) as well as new innovations in their product lineup have been great, says Amy Bingham, co-owner with Courtney Jones of the store at 2028 West Poplar Avenue, Suite 104, in Collierville, Tennessee.

First the Fiesta Sauce: “It’s still going really well,” Bingham says. “We’re shipping it out all over the country.”

The sauce is based on the green dressing, a mustard-vinegar based salad dressing, that was served at the old Pancho’s Mexican Restaurants. “We missed the Pancho’s green sauce that everybody put on tacos and taco salads,” Bingham says.

Jones began making it when Pancho’s still had restaurants in Memphis. “I had made it for years at home,” she says. “Oftentimes it would be hard to find at Kroger. Once Pancho’s was sold, you could not find it any longer.”

It wasn’t difficult to unearth the original Pancho’s recipe. “Everybody likes to throw out the recipes. You can find them online. A copycat Pancho’s dressing.”

She made some changes to the original recipe, which she later had to adapt for shelf life and to make it in bulk while “trying to keep that quality as best as we could, true to the original sauce.”

“Next thing we knew our doors were blown off and everybody was here trying to get the green sauce.”

Sales of their Fiesta Sauce “went viral last year,” Bingham says.

They changed the name from “Tropical Dressing” to “Fiesta Sauce” last year because “people were confused about the flavors,” Bingham says. Was it salsa or tropical? Pancho’s referred to its sauce as “Tropicale Salad Dressing.”

But the “main thing that has really changed” at Oh Grate! is the inclusion of locally-made products in their store. “We kind of tapped into an audience of people who love food from Memphis.”

In addition to honing in on “the nostalgia from Pancho’s,” they wondered what else they could offer so people “could relive some of these Memphis memories.”

Charlie Vergos’ Rendezvous was at the top of their list. “We formed a partnership with Rendezvous, and we sell their products here at our store. We sell ribs, smoked sausage, all their sauces and seasonings. And that has been wildly successful.”

Not everybody can just hop in their car and drive an hour or so from Collierville to the Rendezvous at the last minute. “You’re just craving Rendezvous, but you’re not going to drive Downtown unless it’s a special occasion,” says Bingham.

They also began carrying products, including juices and meals, from RawGirls. “It’s all fresh, all tailored to meet a targeted need. So, the Charcoal Lemonade is for detox; Sinus Shot is best this time of year. Everybody’s got the sniffles. It’s packed with ginger and vitamin C, so that really enhances the effectiveness.”

Arbo’s Cheese Dip is another item. This was founder Andrew Arbogast’s answer to Pancho’s cheese dip after Pancho’s moved out of Memphis.

They sell the chips and white cheese dip from Las Delicias as well as the “top-notch toffee’” from 901 Bakehouse in Germantown.

And they carry the homemade sourdough bread and pizza dough from Southern Flourery No. 6 in Collierville, not to mention short bread cookies and pound cakes from Made From Scratch Cookie Company.

Their counters now include Memphis Grindhouse Coffee, Dancing Peppers salsa, and products from Brim’s Snack Foods, which makes several products in addition to its popular pork rinds.

A line of mustards, including hot and spicy flavors, from Harvest Gourmet in Cookeville, Tennessee, is their newest addition. They discovered it at Harvest Gourmet’s booth at the recent Mid-South Sports & Boat Show at Agricenter International. “We tasted their mustard and just fell in love with their products.”

They “made a pretty large purchase” and put the products in their store, Bingham says. “It happened so quickly and unexpectedly. Less than 24 hours and we had met with them and had their products on our shelves.”

Another new product — Southern Chocolate Chess Pie — originated closer to home. Jones’ daughter Maddox Huey “started making pies at home,” she says. “And, of course, we have the facility here to help her with that. One day she made a chocolate chess pie at home. I tell you, the whole family was blown away.”

More pie flavors are on the way. “She’s about to begin making a key lime pie for us.”

Bingham and Jones enjoy helping people get their businesses off the ground. “It’s hard to know where to start a business,” Bingham says. “We want to help others along. We have this retail space that people have kind of come to know in this small area. But it can give exposure to smaller businesses as well.”

Oh Grate! also has had “great collaborations” with established businesses like the Rendezvous. “We’ve learned from them.”

They’ve been able to “share, grow, and help each other.”

As for the Oh Grate! heat-and-serve meals, all of which are made on-site, Bingham says, “We cover the gamut.”

They make soups, sliders, and ready-to-eat dinners with different entrees, including chicken spaghetti, shrimp Alfredo, meatballs, and marinara. They also carry lunch and party items, including chicken salad and pimento cheese. “We are your one-stop shop for not having to cook.”

Last year, Oh Grate! introduced a new item: Energy Bites, which Jones describes as “little power balls,” including oatmeal, flax seed, peanut butter, honey, and chia seeds. “We’re now making hundreds and hundreds of energy balls.”

Some Oh Grate! products are available locally at High Point Grocery, South Point Grocery, and Cordelia’s Market. “We firmly believe in local,” Bingham says. “Local grocery stores are vital to our success as well.”

They recently began selling their products in North Mississippi stores “all the way down to Batesville,” including Piggly Wiggly.

Much of their success is “due to our amazing team,” Jones says. “We now have 17 people that work with us part-time. Everyone is part-time but me and Amy. None of this would be possible without them.”

What’s next for Oh Grate!? “I would say our most requested item is the Pancho’s hot dip recipe,” Bingham says. “That is what we get asked for quite often. I feel it would do quite nicely in our lineup.”

People just referred to it as “the hot dip,” Jones says.

Will that be on Oh Grate! shelves one day? “It’s something we are looking into,” Bingham says. “It takes a while to launch a product.”

But, Jones adds, “There’ve been some test batches.” 

Categories
Opinion The Last Word

The Doll and the Don: Contrasting Two American Icons

Dolly Parton (Photo: Laurence Agron | Dreamstime.com)

Like many of this fantastic publication’s erudite and discerning readers, I consider myself a Memphian, not a Tennessean. That is, at least, until Dolly Parton enters the chat. Famed country music singer/songwriter, businesswoman, film star, and philanthropist, Parton’s list of accolades is longer than a country mile, and they’re the rare sort of achievements that have crossover appeal. 

I mention Our Lady of the Wildflowers because I have just signed my newborn son up for Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library, a program funded primarily by the Dollywood Foundation (with some funding from community partners), which provides free books for children from birth to age 5. If that sounds like nothing more than a tax write-off, consider that Parton has said the program was inspired by her father’s struggles reading and that she credits her mother’s songs and stories as an inspiration for her own eventual creative career. Consider also that 21 percent of adults in the United States are illiterate, and a whopping 54 percent of Americans read below a sixth-grade level. According to the National Literacy Institute, low levels of literacy cost the U.S. up to $2.2 trillion per year.

As I write these words, the Imagination Library’s funding is under attack in Indiana. The state’s (Republican) governor, Mike Braun, is looking to defund the program, likely in an attempt to curry favor with President Donald Trump and his gang of cost-cutting cronies. 

“We are hopeful that Governor Braun and the Indiana Legislature will continue this vital investment by restoring the state’s funding match for local Imagination Library programs,” Parton said in a statement released online. “The beauty of the Imagination Library is that it unites us all — regardless of politics — because every child deserves the chance to dream big and succeed.”

It’s hard to argue with that kind of logic, right? 

Wrong. That seemingly American-as-apple-pie statement couldn’t be more out of step with today’s values. Enough of us decided this November that a quick buck and cost-cutting are preferable to an investment in our future. With the National Science Foundation, the National Institute of Health, USAID, NASA, and other critical programs on the chopping block, who has tears to spare for the Imagination Library? 

The current moment seems to me to be summed up thusly: America says it wants Dolly Parton, but it keeps choosing Donald Trump. Though Parton is surely too intelligent ever to descend into politics — and she doesn’t have to, since she’s not desperately avoiding a lengthy stint in prison — she does seem to be the actual best version of everything Trump pretends to be. 

Where Trump claims to be a self-made success, along with his siblings, he inherited a portion of his father’s estate, then valued between $250 and $300 million. Parton, on the other hand, is a real person of the people, one of 12 children raised in a single-room cabin in Pittman Center, Tennessee — her “Tennessee Mountain Home.” She wrote and sang her way to success. Trump’s populist shtick only works if one can suspend disbelief long enough to forget about his gold-plated toilet, his hush payments to porn stars, and his failed for-profit “education center.” As a businessman, his career pales in comparison to Parton’s. Through her Dollywood Foundation, she spends money by the bucketload, investing in poverty relief, in the Imagination Library, in building a cancer treatment center, in the Vanderbilt University Medical Center, and in preservation efforts for the bald eagle — our national bird. She has that money to invest because she’s actually good at business.

Trump’s businesses, on the other hand, have filed for bankruptcy six times. In 2011, the Gold-plated Grifter was quoted by Newsweek as saying, “I do play with the bankruptcy laws — they’re very good for me.” 

Both celebrities — don’t kid yourself; Trump isn’t a politician or a businessman, he just plays one on TV — have augmented their natural appearance (and there’s no reason to judge them for that choice). Trump is famously prickly about himself, though, and completely devoid of a sense of humor. Parton, however, maneuvers through interviews like a dancer on stage, disarming reporters with comments like, “It costs a lot to look this cheap.” She’s funny, and she has a sense of humor about herself. I know who I would rather drink a beer with, and not just because “9 to 5” is one of the best songs ever written. 

There do seem to be strange similarities between the two figures. Is the devil just an angel seen through a scanner, darkly? More than anything else, Parton believes in investing in what she values, while Trump and the sociopaths holding his leash seem intent in strip-mining the once-proud American government and economy for personal gain. 

The moment to choose our hero has already passed. America chose self-interest over sacrifice, cruelty over compassion, petty small-mindedness over creativity. I pray that we get a chance to correct our course, and that we haven’t lost too much when that moment comes. 

Jesse Davis is a former Flyer staffer; he writes a monthly Books feature for Memphis Magazine. His opinions, such as they are, were formed in his early years spent tucked away in the library stacks.

Categories
News News Feature

A Wealthier Retirement

Photo: Markus Spiske | Unsplash

If you’re part of Generation X, you’ve not yet reached retirement age. However, you are likely in, or quickly approaching, your peak earning years. Now is the time to get serious about planning for retirement. Whether you’ve been stashing money away for the last 20 years or are just now beginning to save, the following tips can help you plan today for a wealthier retirement down the road. 

1. Lower your taxes.

If you’re one of those people who only thinks about taxes as you approach the annual tax filing deadline, it’s time to make some changes. Proactive tax planning can have a big impact on your retirement savings. When done correctly and consistently, tax planning has the potential to save you a significant amount each year, which is money that can be used to help you fund a wealthier retirement. You’ll want to consider strategies such as tax loss harvesting, contributing to a health savings account, education planning for children, charitable giving, asset location, and timing of business income and deductions.

2. Shore up your retirement savings.

One of the biggest threats to many Gen Xers’ retirement security is “leaky” retirement planning. Just because your employer-sponsored retirement plan permits loans and withdrawals doesn’t mean it’s wise to take them. By taking money out of your retirement savings, even temporarily, you miss out on the benefit of compounding interest on that amount. Plus, early withdrawals are subject to taxes and penalties, which is money you’ll never get back. 

The best strategy is to invest regularly into your employer-sponsored retirement plan at a level that maximizes your employer match while being sustainable over time. Save enough in an emergency account to cover three to six months of living expenses so that you don’t have to tap into your retirement savings in an unexpected situation. 

3. Don’t miss out on growth opportunities.

While it’s wise to gradually shift to more conservative investment options as you near retirement, becoming too conservative may result in missed growth opportunities. Be sure to allocate a healthy portion of your portfolio to growth investments in order to continue enhancing the savings that will one day fund your retirement. Your wealth manager can help you determine an allocation that is in line with your risk tolerance, retirement goals, and time horizon while also meeting your income, protection, and growth objectives.

4. Eliminate debt. 

Perhaps the best way to increase your retirement savings potential is by paying off outstanding debt and saving that would-be monthly debt payment toward retirement. Once your debt is paid off, you may be able to free up enough funds to establish a passive form of income, such as an investment property or high-dividend investment that provides recurrent income to help support you in retirement. 

5. Optimize your employer benefits.

Not only are employer-sponsored retirement plans a great way to save for retirement, they also provide an added benefit of lowering your taxable income when you contribute on a pre-tax basis. At a minimum, be sure to contribute enough to your 401(k) or 403(b) to qualify for your employer’s full matching contribution. Beyond that, if you’re on the younger end of Generation X, consider contributing at least 10 percent to your retirement. If you’re on the older end of the generation, it might make sense to max out your savings by contributing 20 percent or more (up to the annual contribution limit). 

6. Don’t forget about IRAs. 

While employer-sponsored plans are a simple and effective way to save for retirement, it’s wise to diversify your savings by also contributing to IRAs. If you contribute pre-tax dollars to your 401(k), it might make sense to establish a Roth IRA, which will help diversify the tax status of your retirement income. 

Gene Gard, CFA, CFP, CFT-I, is a Private Wealth Manager and Partner with Creative Planning. Creative Planning is one of the nation’s largest registered investment advisory firms providing comprehensive wealth management services to ensure all elements of a client’s financial life are working together, including investments, taxes, estate planning, and risk management. For more information or to request a free, no-obligation consultation, visit CreativePlanning.com.

Categories
At Large Opinion

Big Boss Man

Elon Musk (Photo: Frédéric Legrand | Dreamstime.com)

I’ve been the editor of several publications in my career. I managed teams of writers and editors — and did my best to empower them, motivate them, and get them to work together to produce newspapers and magazines we could all be proud of. I was, to use the term loosely, a “boss.” I made my share of mistakes, but I always tried to treat my employees with respect and compassion.

I’ve also been an employee for most of my career, working for publishers in Missouri; Washington, D.C.; Pittsburgh; and Memphis. Almost all of my bosses were great people, but I’ve had a couple of stinkers, and they had something in common: They had no idea what their employees did to create the product and didn’t really care to learn. They’d never written, edited, interviewed, researched, reported, or had to meet a printer’s immoveable deadline. They were bottom-line guys who treated their employees as though they were working in a widget factory. 

One of them (in a city that shall remain nameless) called a staff meeting in the conference room on his first day. (This, I should mention, was after we’d watched for a week as the publisher’s office underwent a massive redo: plush Oriental carpet, gleaming teak desk, sleek lamps, cushy couch and chairs.) Anyway, our new boss looked around at the 15 or so writers, art directors, and editors gathered in front of him and said: “You’re probably asking yourselves, ‘What does this dude know about magazines? He’s a real estate guy.’ Well, let me tell you, folks, I read lots of magazines and I know a good one when I see one. And we’re going to put out a great magazine and we’re going to add 25 percent to the bottom line. And if you’re not ready for some big changes, you should leave this room right now.”

Nobody left the room, but everybody knew one thing: We were now working for an asshole. His first directive was to have everyone write down what they did each week and how many hours it took. (If you think anyone’s response didn’t add up to 40 or more hours, you’re pretty naive.) A month later, he called me into his office and told me he was firing our popular food writer, the senior copy editor, and an associate art director. We didn’t need them, he said. The remaining staff could pick up the slack. He didn’t bother to ask how I thought we might be able to save some money on editorial costs; he just made an arbitrary decision.

Any of us who has had to deal with that kind of capricious overlord should be able to relate to what hundreds of thousands of federal employees have been going through recently, as Elon Musk, a man with little understanding of (or respect for) what any of them do, runs a chain saw through their agencies, eliminating people who inspect and direct our airplanes, protect our food from contamination, provide disaster relief, run our national parks, and administer Medicare, Social Security, and Medicaid funds. 

Most horrifying of all, Musk has fired 6,700 people at IRS and is seeking access to the financial information of every taxpayer, business, and nonprofit in the country. Giving that kind of power to anyone, let alone an erratic South African billionaire with no official government title, is incredibly foolish. 

Speaking of which: On Saturday, Musk sent the following email to more than a million federal employees at the F.B.I., State Department, Environmental Protection Agency, Office of Personnel Management, Food and Drug Administration, Veterans Affairs Department, Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services, and Consumer Financial Protection Bureau: “Please reply to this email with approx. 5 bullets of what you accomplished this week and cc your manager.”

Sound familiar? This kind of directive is so utterly stupid. Who thinks any employee would be unable to come up with five things that they did at their job? And who’s going to review the hundreds of thousands of responses? It’s pointless busy work, meant only to intimidate and induce fear. It’s the tactic of a weak man, someone who thinks he’s running a widget factory, someone with no idea of how to be a real leader. Unfortunately, the Democratic party hasn’t found the courage to call out this reckless deconstruction of our public agencies in any organized or meaningful way. That window is rapidly closing, and it’s time to stand tall. Like a boss. 

Categories
Politics Politics Feature

An Improbable Man

Thaddeus Matthews (Photo: Wikimedia Commons via YouTube | Shawn Prez)

Perhaps the most surprising news to come from the revelation Monday of the death of the pastor/broadcaster/activist/firebrand Thaddeus Matthews was that Matthews had long had his own Wikipedia page, a mark of temporal renown that has eluded many another ambitious and outwardly more seemly Memphians.

In advance of his passing at the age of 66, the much-consulted online biography service had included Matthews as “‘The Cussing Pastor,’ … an American pastor and broadcaster, who gained popularity for using profanity in his preaching.” And it went on to cite several examples of Matthews’ notoriety in that regard, including an Instagram video entitled “I Don’t Give a Shit Saturday,” which ended up being sampled in a song by the rapper/DJ Madlib.

Anyone who followed the ups and downs of Matthews’ local activity would surely regard that as pretty tame stuff. In his various guises, including a self-produced streaming video service that was the guilty secret of many a local pol-watcher, Matthews forsook any and all niceties in his characterizations of whomever he happened to be feuding with — and that would include many an unlucky political celebrity, including W.W. Herenton, the city’s former mayor for almost two decades.  

For a lengthy spell, Matthews devoted himself to daily fulminations against the mayor and basically appointed himself unofficial chairman of a variety of madcap efforts to have Herenton impeached, recalled, tarred and feathered, or, one way or another, turned out of office. 

None of that had much relation to anything realistic, of course, but it surely had nuisance value and went on for quite a while until Mayor Herenton hit upon the remedy for all this vituperation: He took out paid advertising on Matthews’ show, and that was enough to change his profile overnight into that of a heroic champion of the people.

Much has been made in recent years of the prevalence of “bogus ballots,” broadsheets that would turn up in an election year, featuring endorsements of political candidates who had paid this or that publisher for the privilege.

Thaddeus Matthews, on his broadcast show, was that sort of thing, writ large. You paid up, or else.

And a select few of his declared enemies could count on being the subjects of a barrage of scatological and obscene accusations that knew no bounds.

For all that, and despite brushes with the law for such things as harassment of girlfriends and putting pornography on the air, Matthews developed something of a reputation in political circles as a scoop artist. He knew where a lot of bodies were buried.

He could even turn the tables on himself. Even after the onset of his final illness, he allegedly self-posted a video showing himself deep-throating a dildo.

Thaddeus Matthews was an American original, and Wikipedia didn’t know the half of it. 

• It is a well-worn fact that state Senator Brent Taylor took on two primary named adversaries in his self-serving vendetta against the local law enforcement establishment (aka “Make Memphis Matter”) — General Sessions Court Judge Bill Anderson and Shelby County District Attorney Steve Mulroy.

It therefore becomes something of an irony that Anderson, who has been forced into early retirement at least partially due to Taylor’s nonstop attacks, will be succeeded on the bench by a Mulroy protege, his former University of Memphis law student Taylor Bachelor, who has been serving as an assistant DA and on Monday was named to Anderson’s former position by a vote of the Shelby County Commission.

Mulroy’s take: “We considered her quite the catch. She’s been on board for about six or eight months or so, working in the gangs-and-drug unit. I’m sorry to lose her, but I’m happy for her. It’s always nice when a former student makes good.”

• After years of attempting delays, former state Senator Brian Kelsey has surrendered and is serving a federal prison term for his conviction on campaign finance violations. 

Categories
Film Features Film/TV

The Monkey

Theo James plays two brothers who share knowledge of a very bad little monkey toy. (Photo: Courtesy of NEON H)

The best rediscovery from last year’s Time Warp Drive-In lineup was Creepshow. The 1982 anthology film was directed by Night of the Living Dead’s George Romero and written by Stephen King, in one of the horror writer’s rare outings as a screenwriter. An homage to classic horror magazines from infamous comic publisher EC, Creepshow consists of five stories, two of which were adaptations of King’s previously published short stories, “Weeds” and “The Crate.”

If you’re just looking for a film where Leslie Nielsen murders Ted Danson in a startlingly creative fashion, Creepshow is for you. For my money, it is a masterpiece collaboration between two legends at the top of their game. King himself had a cameo as the hapless farmer who is slowly eaten by an alien plant in “The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill.” (Verdict: Great writer, not a great actor.)

In hindsight, what Creepshow reveals is that Stephen King is funny — or at least, some of his older stuff is funny. Before he got into epic fantasy with The Dark Tower, before The Shining and Carrie created the expectation that he had to be psychologically profound, and before he was the most adapted author in the world (a whopping 412 film and TV credits, according to IMDb), King wrote a lot of short stories that exhibited a rather fiendish sense of humor. 

Maybe some of those short stories needed to be funny because they were published in magazines like Playboy and, in the case of “The Monkey,” Gallery. (For my online readers, pornography was once primarily distributed via still images in magazines. Many of these skin mags also published words written by respected authors. It was a win-win. The writers got paid top dollar, while the publishers could yell, “I publish Norman Freakin’ Mailer!” when they were inevitably dragged into court on obscenity charges. Hence the old joke, “I only read Playboy for the articles.”) 

“The Monkey” was later gussied up and expanded for publication in King’s 1985 short story collection Skeleton Crew. It provided the book’s cover image of a wind-up, cymbal-banging monkey doll. According to director Osgood Perkins, that was changed to a drum-banging monkey for his adaptation because Disney trademarked the cymbal-banging monkey for Toy Story merchandise. 

Perkins’ last film, Longlegs, was an unexpected jolt of horror surrealism that took off thanks to a bravado performance by Nicolas Cage — and really, are there any other kinds of Cage performances? The Monkey doesn’t brood like most of today’s art horror (I’m looking at you, Nosferatu) because it’s too busy doing slapstick. 

The film opens in a dingy pawn shop some time in the 1990s. Capt. Petey Shelburn (Severance’s Adam Scott) bursts in, demanding that the owner take back the monkey he sold him. The owner cites his “no returns on toys” policy, which is clearly posted on a sign behind the counter. But Petey insists that this is no toy. If the monkey plays his drum, bad things will happen. The owner has just enough time to scoff at the notion before he is impaled by an improperly secured speargun. Petey responds by taking a flamethrower off the wall (yes, this is the kind of place that sells fully loaded flamethrowers) and melting the monkey into plastic and metal sludge. 

But it takes more than a convenient flamethrower to keep a bad monkey down. Petey disappears, leaving his wife Lois (Tatiana Maslany) and their two kids Hal and Bill (both played by Christian Coventry) alone and destitute. Later, when the twins are middle schoolers, Hal finds a hatbox deep in his dad’s old closet, marked “organ grinder monkey. Turn the key and see what happens. Like life.” 

Naturally, the boys respond to the cryptic instructions by turning the key, and they are disappointed when nothing seems to happen. Then, Lois sets off on a date, leaving the two boys with the babysitter Annie (Danica Dreyer), who takes them out for dinner at a hibachi grill. But while the chef is flirting with Annie, he gets distracted and accidentally chops her head off.

At this point, I can hear the horror host Joe Bob Briggs gleefully rattling off, “Speargun impalement! Hibachi decapitation!” There will be many, many more Joe Bob’s Drive-In Theater-worthy deaths before this monkey is done. 

Lois tries to comfort her traumatized kids with a speech, which Maslany of Orphan Black fame absolutely nails. Death, she says, is the inevitable outcome of life. “Everything is an accident, or nothing is an accident. Same thing either way.” 

Needless to say, the bickering brothers are not comforted. Further experiments with the monkey lead to more random loss of life, until Hal turns the key to try to do away with Bill. Instead, Lois dies suddenly of a rare brain hemorrhage, leaving the brothers to be raised by their swinger uncle Chip (our director, sporting over-the-top muttonchops). 

Twenty-five years later, Hal and Bill (now played by Theo James) are estranged. Hal is a deadbeat dad to his son Petey (Colin O’Brien), fearful that the monkey might return. When their aunt dies hilariously, Hal is called back to his hometown, where he learns that a series of deaths has happened, each more unlikely than the last. Is the monkey loose again? Is Bill behind it? Will someone swallow a million wasps? (The answer to the last question is a resounding yes.) 

Perkins is letting his freak flag fly in The Monkey, and it pays off big time. Gore in film is only horrifying if it is grounded in realism. As Sam Raimi realized in Evil Dead II, at a certain point, spurting blood becomes funny. The Monkey hits that sweet spot. James is great as the two brothers who hate each other, and the young actor Coventry is even better. Maslany, Scott, and Elijah Wood leave big impressions in small parts. This film is crass, utterly tasteless, and exactly what I needed to see on a doomy Sunday afternoon. 

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