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Letter From The Editor Opinion

Democracy, If We Can Keep It

Former Supreme Court Justice Louis Brandeis once famously said, “We can have democracy in this country, or we can have great wealth concentrated in the hands of a few, but we can’t have both.” If Brandeis is correct, we no longer have a democracy in the U.S., or, at best, we are damn close to losing it.

An economic report released this week by the Oxfam organization concluded that income inequality has reached unprecedented levels. To illustrate, Oxfam noted that three Americans — Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos, and Warren Buffett — hold a total of $263 billion in wealth, which is equal to the holdings of the lower 50 percent of the American population at large, or 160 million people.

So, to reiterate: Three guys have as much money as the total amount of wealth held by 50 percent of American citizens. Worldwide, the figures are just as staggering. Oxfam reported that 42 people now own as much wealth as the bottom 3.7 billion people living on the planet.

The U.S. governing bodies — the House and Senate — are mostly run by millionaires who became millionaires by doing the bidding of billionaires via special interest lobbies and corporate donations. The Supreme Court’s 2010 Citizens United v. FEC decision — which decreed, essentially, that corporations are people with the right to “free speech,” meaning they have the right to contribute unlimited funds to political advertising — has polluted and corrupted the electoral process to an astonishing degree in just eight years.

The Trump presidency has stepped it up another notch by appointing billionaires to most key cabinet positions. And almost without exception, they are serving the very corporations they are supposed to be regulating. Millions of acres of our National Parks are being sold off to mining, oil, and lumber interests. Off-shore drilling rights are being granted near the beaches, coral reefs, and fishing grounds of our coastal states. Banking and financial investment regulations are being loosened. Environmental laws are being repealed or rolled back or ignored. Public school funding is being curtailed, as money gets funneled into for-profit “educational” institutions. Health care is becoming a luxury the poor and working-class can’t afford.

All in the name of greed. All in the pursuit of accumulating more money by those who already have more than most of us would see if we lived 10 lifetimes.

We’ve been here before in our history, most recently in 2007-2008, when the subprime mortgage crisis nearly destroyed the economy. The Wall Street cowboys thought the Ponzi-scheme housing bubble they’d created would never burst. But it did, and fabled financial institutions, including Bear Stearns, Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, Lehman Brothers, Citibank, and AIG went down in flames. The U.S. automobile industry went on life support. The government threw $700 billion at the banks to bail them out, and poured another $800 billion stimulus into the economy. It worked, eventually, but a lot of folks got burned; a lot of folks lost everything.

Now, here we are, 10 years later, and it’s party time again. Regulations? We don’t need no steenking regulations! The economy is booming! Unemployment is low. The stock market is hitting another all-time high every week. What could go wrong?

Maybe nothing. Maybe we just soar and soar into the great wide open, as the rich keep getting richer and the poor keep getting screwed by the trickle-down myth. But karma is a bitch, and the universe has a way of correcting imbalances. So do democracies, if they can survive long enough to vote the money-changers out of the temple.

Categories
News The Fly-By

Millenium Madness

It’s not often a publication gets to celebrate the end of a century. And by “not often,” we mean only every 100 years.

The Flyer was all of 11 years old at the turn of this century, and boy did we celebrate Millenial madness. We dedicated the entire December 30, 1999, issue to the Millenium. There was a lot of “humor,” including a number of articles themed around “the best of the past 1,000 years.”

“The Worst Fashion Mistakes of the Past 1,000 Years,” for example. Codpieces was one of the punchlines, as was the “cone­-shaped bra.” We also featured an “interview” with a 101­-year-­old man. When he was asked about the Millenium, he replied, “Isn’t that the stuff Reynolds puts in boxes?” No, the interviewer (former staffer Jim Hanas) replied. “You’re thinking of aluminum.”

Hey, it was 1999. We’ve gotten funnier since then.

Actually, one article was pretty funny. It was Michael Finger’s story called “The 10 Greatest Pickup Lines of the Last Millenium.” Read it in its entirety and laugh your socks off:

“The past 1,000 years have been packed with triumph and tragedy, war and peace, laughter and tears. Through it all, mankind has sought true love, or at least the occasional one­-nighter, with varying degrees of success. As a public service, the Flyer has gathered in one place the wisdom of the ages, namely … The 10 Greatest Pickup Lines of the Last Millennium.”

* “I’ve got something that glows in the dark. Wanna see?” — Madame Curie

(success rate with this line: 25 percent).

* “You know, your eyes sparkle like the rubies and gold that I intend to pillage in the New World. Wanna come along for the ride?” — Balboa, or maybe it was Cortez. No, it was Magellan, pretty sure. (success rate: 47 percent).

* “Oh, I’ll bet you’d be terrific as the Queen of Spain.” — El Cid (success rate: 34 percent).

* “One night with me, my lady, and I promise you will lose your head entirely.” — Henry VIII (success rate: 45 percent).

* “Want to turn on?” — Thomas Edison (success rate: 12 percent).

* “Oh, come on, let’s give it a shot.” — John Wilkes Booth (success rate: never determined).

* “My dear, my monument is far larger than that Jefferson guy’s.” — George Washington (success rate: 65 percent).

* “Why do you think they call me Old Hickory?” — Andrew Jackson (success rate: 59 percent).

* “I wanna hold your hand. For starters.” — John, Paul, George, or Ringo (success rate: 80 percent for John, Paul, and George; 23 percent for Ringo).

* “If you don’t do me, you’ll get stuck with Ringo.” — John, Paul, or George (success rate: 95 percent).

* “I’ll give you one billion dollars to sleep with me. Cash.” — Bill Gates (success rate: 100 percent).

Categories
Sports

Do’s and Don’ts of Competitive Bridge and Bridge Whores

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The big convention of the American Contract Bridge League, which has its headquarters in nearby Horn Lake, Mississippi, is in town this week. Thousands of players, supposedly including Warren Buffett and Bill Gates, are at the tables over at the Memphis Cook Convention Center.

My friend Bob Levey is also there. Bob is a former columnist for the Washington Post and a former journalism instructor at the University of Memphis. He is also a very good bridge player and has been after me to write something about bridge, which I will now do, and in return I expect him to write something about the Memphis City Council, which will make sitting through a bridge marathon seem easy.
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I play bridge but not the kind they play in this tournament, which is called duplicate. Same players play same hands, so the cards don’t matter. In party bridge, on the other hand, it’s all about the run of the cards, the compatibility of the couples, and the host’s supply of snacks and liquid refreshments.

Here are some helpful do’s and don’ts of tournament bridge.

If you run into Bill Gates, don’t say “Hey Bill, can I borrow your iPad?”

If you run into Warren Buffett, do say in a loud voice “Man, I can’t believe the Dow just fell 1000 points in the last five minutes” and see how he reacts.

Don’t wear sunglasses and a baseball cap and talk about “the flop” or “the river” or going “all in.”

Do, however, ask people if they will, for the right sum of money, be your partner for a few hours or even fly to your home town and meet you at a hotel to play games. In bridge, this is known as “consulting” although it is ok to refer to it as being a “bridge whore” in the right crowd.

Don’t say “Oopsie, these clubs look so darn much like spades that I mixed them all together. Is that all right?”

Don’t fist bump your partner after making a contract. A chest bump is much better.

Do wear team t-shirts while at play and at play. Don’t, however, make up insulting chants about the other teams’ parentage, ethnicity, or IQs.

Don’t burst out laughing if someone at your table says that big pyramid across the street is empty but is soon going to be a giant Bass Pro Shops.

Don’t say “director” unless you mean it.

Do try to execute finesses, coups, end plays, and squeeze plays.

Don’t mistake the barbecue served outside the meeting rooms for the real thing.

Do revel with self-satisfaction in the intellectual superiority of this form of March Madness, but don’t miss the Sweet Sixteen pre-game show.

Do come back.