Categories
Opinion The Last Word

What’s In a Name?

When I got married in June 2011, I took my ex-husband’s last name. Changing my name at the little local Social Security Office took about 15 minutes, if that. It was ridiculously easy. Eleven years later, I set about reversing the process. This time, it was not ridiculously easy. In fact, it was an Odyssey-style journey of the strangest bureaucratic interactions I have ever experienced in my life.

The first stop in my travels was the Shelby County Courthouse. Wait, let’s amend that. The first stop in my travels was finding a parking space near the Shelby County Courthouse. This took some time.

Once that task was accomplished, I entered the courthouse, armed with the knowledge of exactly where to go thanks to a wonderfully helpful person who had assisted me over the phone. She was hands-down the most accommodating government employee I’ve ever talked to, and procuring an official copy of my final decree of divorce from the courthouse turned out to be remarkably easy. I held on to the slim hope that maybe the entire day would follow suit. Alas. It was not to be.

My next stop was the Social Security Office. Upon entering, I was immediately reminded of the scene from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy in the Vogon (aka the galactic government bureaucrats) waiting room. I went to a screen that read “touch to begin,” an incongruous message as touching the screen began nothing. Once the screen and I came to terms, I hunkered down to wait. Many monitors around the room reminded us that our numbers may be called out of order. I experienced that this was indeed the case.

Eventually, I made my way to my designated window. The man behind the glass partition asked me how he could help me. I told him why I was there, to which he replied, “Oh, divorce? We only do divorce cases on Thursdays.” I knew that this could not possibly be true and that this man was joking.

And yet, he stared at me with such deadpan earnestness that I was completely thrown. He looked at me. I looked at him. We blinked.

“So,” I said uncertainly, “I should come back … tomorrow?”

“Yep.” He paused. “Nah, I’m just messin’ with you.”

I couldn’t decide if I was irritated.

The man looked through my documents and then casually asked, “So, what happened?” I shrugged helplessly, unsure how to sum up an entire marriage and subsequent divorce in small talk. “You don’t have an answer? I’m a stranger,” he continued. “You can tell me anything.”

As I awkwardly attempted to answer his question, his system went down and saved me the trouble. After waiting together in silence for 30 minutes, the system was restored and the issue handled. I left, still unsure if the interaction had been charming or frustrating.

My quest ended that day at the DMV. I went to one outside of Memphis, thinking that the wait wouldn’t be as long. I entered a vestibule that looked like it had been designed to trap the socially anxious. A zigzagging path snaked through about three feet of space, ending not in any clear destination but ambiguously in front of a long desk. A woman gestured for me to ignore the path.

After explaining my purpose, I signed in and once again settled in to wait. The woman called me to the counter, but when someone with the same last name (that I was ironically there to change) went ahead of me, she went ahead and took care of him. I allowed myself a quiet sigh.

Then it was my turn. We took my driver’s license photo six times. At the end of that debacle, I was handed a paper license bearing a hilariously exasperated photo of me. Then, I was told that I would need to come back. I expressed my confusion. I explained that I had all the documents that were needed. The woman said, “But they don’t have the right name on them.” To which I replied, turning it into a question, “My birth certificate has the correct name on it?”

She looked at me. I looked at her. We blinked.

Suffice it to say that I lost that particular showdown and will be returning to the DMV forthwith.

Coco June is a Memphian, mother, and the Flyer’s theater columnist.

Categories
Opinion Romance Language

Divorced, Single, and Overwhelmingly Lucky in Love

If I wrangled all the romantic encounters I’ve had in the past five weeks, I would seem ridiculous to you. The last five years? You’d think I was daft.

A crushaholic. A codependent. A masochist. A machine. How could anyone look romance in the face — in so many different faces — and not turn to salt when it sours? What kind of person could wake up and march through the rituals of dating again: texting through the butterflies, dressing for dinner, singing the familiar date duets of sibling names, favorite bands, career milestones, pet peeves, major losses, and the embarrassing hope of one day making a life with someone you just met?

Before five years ago, I wouldn’t believe it. I was married. I’d entered my first real relationship at 18 years old, and it managed to last until 27. In that relationship, I grew up. I learned how to share bills. I learned how to plan meals and iron perfect creases into slacks. I learned how to take someone to the hospital in an emergency. I learned how to confess when my body was doing something decidedly gross. I learned how not to mention — out of the kindness of my heart — when my partner’s body was doing something decidedly gross. I learned how to reveal my fantasies to someone I had to look in the eye every day for presumably the rest of my life. I grew up in other ways: I began my careers in education and publishing. I learned how to drive. I discovered how much I sucked, and then I started therapy.

Eventually, mundane conflicts became irreconcilable. Then, like many: I had a loving marriage that failed.

Failure is a harsh word that someone landed on to describe a break-up. I had an amicable divorce. He’s still among the first people I call for career advice or after an accident. When you’re having coffee together at Waffle House after signing away your lifetime commitment, you’re family.

At a certain point, I had to wonder: Is a bond that brought you joy but didn’t end in partnered bliss a personal shortcoming? Is an ended relationship a failure?

Before it ended, I was afraid no one would ever love me again. I’d had a rough childhood that lacked closeness and affection. I spent a lot of time alone with my drawings or stolen library books, and I won over my teachers to cope. The partner who became my husband was the first person who made me feel understood. All of the evidence suggested I was blowing my one shot at love — that prized grail of the television shows and movies and books that raised me.

I was dead wrong.

Just three weeks after moving to Memphis, someone I’d met on my first night out at the Lamplighter drunkenly yelled, “I’m in love with you!” outside of a bar at a Jack Oblivian show, and I was Midtown baptized. The rest is the history with which I come to you, dear reader.

The years have been stormy weather. I’ve been ghosted. I’ve been broken-hearted. I’ve been deceived. I’ve ridden the low hum of casual disappointment. I’ve talked to friends, I’ve talked to shrinks, and I’ve consulted the stars. I’ve been spun on dance floors. I’ve been driven to buy groceries in freak Memphis snowstorms. I’ve been inspired. I’ve been respected and listened to deeply. I’ve had my wildly imperfect body worshipped. I have been loved. And I’ve done a lot of loving; therefore, I’ve done a lot of losing.

As of a few months ago, I am once again freshly single, and I am once again, dating.

The last one wasn’t suited for the unique demands of being my life partner. The next may not be. I can’t help but feel like the struggle of love — finding and keeping it — isn’t a failure, but a fortune of mine that, like all else, won’t last forever. There will come a time when the phone stops ringing.

So now, I am open to love like a holy fool. The romantic relationship — not critical to leading a fulfilling life, but mysterious and beautiful — a reason to leap if ever there was one.

Join me.

Categories
Music Music Blog

Christmas is a Dish Best Served Blue: Elvis’ Song of Holiday Longing Lives

Sony Music Entertainment

The holidays are back, and with them come the inevitable festive songs. Yet not everyone is feeling so chipper. While a “Blue Christmas” might be construed by some as an expression of great relief over the outcome of last month’s election, who can deny that one of Elvis Presley’s most cherished hits expresses no such jubilation, only an absence?

As an article on webmd.com notes, “this time of year may trigger a bout of the blues or perhaps ignite a depression that has been smoldering under the surface for months.”

And so it is that the irony and poignancy of “Blue Christmas” has touched a collective nerve for 63 years now. Indeed, the song has been one of the King’s biggest hits, and the collection from which it’s drawn, Elvis’ Christmas Album, has joined the rarefied ranks of records that the Recording Industry Association of America® (RIAA) has certified not as gold, not as platinum, but as diamond — reserved for records that have sold 10 million units or more.

In honor of such longevity, Sony Legacy has released the first official music video for the song. Created by MoSoMoS, a New York animation studio led by Mathew Amonson, the video follows the stories of three characters who can’t be with loved ones during this time of togetherness. Like the song, the video mixes the isolation and despondency of the lyrics with the inherent beauty of the music and Elvis’ voice. It’s a lovely diversion for those of us who may find that all the tidings of joy merely mark an empty chair or bed or home, with only memories of past joy, and a hope for better tomorrows, to sustain us.

Christmas is a Dish Best Served Blue: Elvis’ Song of Holiday Longing Lives

Categories
Cover Feature News

Feeling Single

Whether it’s because of an unexpected pregnancy, a divorce, or the death of a spouse, 47,000 households in Shelby County are headed by a single parent.

The repercussions can be significant. Children who are raised in single-parent households typically face more challenges than those who live with both parents. Statistically, they are more likely to perform poorly in school, face incarceration, rely on government assistance, and experience poverty, homelessness, and drug dependency.

According to 2010 U.S. Census Bureau data, there were 34,151 households in Memphis — nearly 40,000 countywide — led by single mothers with children under 18 years old. Single fathers led another 6,303 households — more than 7,000 countywide.

The Urban Child Institute (UCI) is a nonprofit organization dedicated to the health and well-being of children in Shelby County. According to UCI, about 60 percent of Shelby County children live in a home headed by a single parent. African Americans make up more than 60 percent of Memphis’ population and around 50 percent of the county’s population, but they comprise the majority of the area’s single-parent families.

Justin Fox Burks

Catherine Joyce, UCI’s director of data management

“In urban areas, what we find is that it’s generally the black residents who are low-income [and/or] working one or two low-wage earning jobs [who] are more likely to become single parents,” says Catherine Joyce, UCI’s director of data management. “In terms of educational attainment, we do know that single parents, generally, are less likely to have higher educational attainment because having a child young, which is correlated to single parenthood, is also related to dropping out of high school. And looking at the incarceration of black males, that contributes to single parents.”

According to the Census Bureau’s report “Custodial Mothers and Fathers and Their Child Support,” about half (50.6 percent) of all black children in the U.S. live in custodial-parent families. That’s more than twice the percentage of white children (24 percent) who are raised by a custodial parent.

An estimated 14.4 million single custodial parents live with 23.4 million children under 21 years of age, nationwide. More than 80 percent of these custodial parents are women. But despite the odds, many here in Memphis and Shelby County are dispelling the myth that a single-parent household means failure.

Breaking the Mold

Nicole Gates is a single mother of four daughters. After 16 years of marriage, a divorce left her with primary custody of her children. She is ineligible to receive public assistance and is not paid child support from her ex-husband. In the early stages of her divorce, it was a struggle for Gates to pay for her family’s rent, utilities, food, and daycare.

“I had a point where I was living paycheck to paycheck,” 43-year-old Gates says. “We went through a rough period for a while, but it actually turned out really well. I took a lot of leadership classes and really started turning things around for myself.”

After taking a course provided by the Metropolitan Inter-Faith Association that teaches people how to establish their own business, Gates started More Than A Memory Events, an event-planning company. Gates is now an author and a public affairs specialist for Shelby County, a position to which she was appointed by Mayor Mark Luttrell.

“A lot of people think single moms are women who chose [to be a single mom] or got pregnant and the guy ran off. That’s not always the case,” Gates says. “A single mom could be a widow. In my case, I’m a divorcee. There are women who have not chosen to be there, but they still have kids. There’s various situations, and I think it’s wrong that people stereotype and think single moms are sitting balled up in the corner, crying the blues, and waiting for their next handout. That’s not true. I take a lot of pride in dispelling that myth.”

In 2009, Gates founded Successful Single Moms Memphis, an advocacy and empowerment organization for single mothers. The nonprofit helps mothers pursue advanced education, acquire entrepreneurial skills, and learn about financial literacy and wealth-building.

The organization provides free motivational meetings and access programs with names such as, Single Moms University and Mogul Mom Entrepreneur Training. Children can participate in the organization’s Smart Start Family Literacy and Angels in Action Community Service & Engagement courses. The programs help youth strengthen their reading and writing skills and learn how to contribute to their community.

Unplanned Pregnancy

One of the major contributors to single-parent households is unplanned pregnancy. Failure to use contraception is a leading cause of pregnancy, especially among teens. According to Teen Help, a group that provides national data and information on teen-related matters, 80 percent of teenage pregnancies in the U.S. are unplanned. More than 50 percent of all pregnancies in the U.S. are unintentional.

In Shelby County, more than 35 percent of all births list no father on the birth certificate, according to A Step Ahead Foundation, a local nonprofit that contributes resources to try and reduce the number of women having unplanned pregnancies. The Foundation provides free, long-acting reversible contraception (LARC) to women who don’t receive health coverage through insurance or other programs.

Qualifying women have a choice of three LARC methods — Nexplanon, Mirena, and ParaGard — all of which are removeable and more than 99 percent effective.

Nexplanon is a four-centimeter contraceptive implant that is implanted into the inner upper arm. It’s effective for up to three years.

Mirena is an Inter-Uterine Device (IUD), a T-shaped plastic frame inserted into the uterus that is effective for up to five years.

ParaGard, similar to Mirena, is also an IUD. It’s effective in preventing pregnancy for up to 10 years.

“We make it as easy as humanly possible for women to get quality birth control,” says Katy Langston, director of marketing and development for A Step Ahead. “We’ve helped pay [for contraception] for 3,400 women over three years. We see about 1,000 women a year. We’re educating the community on these effective methods, and [informing] them that they’re available to any woman in Shelby County.”

Justin Fox Burks

Troynesha Cleaves and sons

A Mother of Two

Troynesha Cleaves is a 24-year-old single mother of two. After being shot in the stomach in 2008, she was told by doctors that it was unlikely she would ever conceive a child. Two years later, at age 20, she gave birth to her first son, Teshawn.

The unplanned pregnancy placed a burden on her financially and emotionally. Shortly after her son’s first birthday, they found themselves homeless.

“I was bouncing around from place to place, trying to find somewhere to get me and my child accommodated,” Cleaves recalls. “I was still working. I had to sit down and have a talk with God, and repent for what I had done wrong. After that, I started noticing change.”

Following a brief reconciliation with the father of her firstborn, Cleaves became pregnant again, and at 23, gave birth to a second son. That pregnancy was also unplanned. Aside from occasional texts and gifts, Cleaves says her sons’ father is absent from their lives.

But, like Gates, Cleaves has also managed to persevere. Fulfilling both parenting roles hasn’t been an easy job, but she’s embraced it. Cleaves balances her full-time job as a mom with a full-time job at FedEx, and is taking coursework at Southwest Community College. She’s majoring in radiology and aspires to be a sonographer.

Cleaves attributes her unwavering work ethic to her own mother, who she says raised her and her three siblings.

“She worked three different jobs to help keep us afloat,” Cleaves says. “Even though we were homeless a few times, staying in motels and all of that, I feel like we all turned out good.”

Pregnant at 16

Vonda Harris’ parents divorced when she was a toddler. Her mother received custody of her and her older brother. Harris’ dad remained in her life, and traveling between two different households became the norm.

But the divorce took a toll on her mother, who Harris says dedicated a lot of time to her job. Harris never talked with her mom about sex or contraception out of fear for how her mother would react.

At 15, Harris became sexually active. A year later, she was pregnant.

Going from being a 10th grader with minimal responsibilities to a mother was a life-changing experience.

It’s crazy being only 16, and now having this responsibility for another human life,” says Harris. “Everybody you thought were your friends were not your friends anymore. People quit calling me, because they assumed I was too busy with the baby. There would be days where my child would be sitting right next to me and I couldn’t believe it. I would be like, ‘Wow, I’m a mom. I can’t do anything.'”

However, Harris and her son’s father were able to come to an agreement on collectively parenting their child. Harris, now 23, is their son’s custodial parent and receives child support.

Becoming a teenage mother caused Harris to grow up fast, but it hasn’t hindered her from excelling in life. She’s a University of Memphis graduate and is now employed at Le Bonheur Children’s Hospital. Her son, Bryson, is 6 and has a relationship with both of his parents. It’s something for which Harris is extremely thankful.

“If his father wasn’t there, I don’t know how I would be able to do the things that I’m doing now,” Harris says. “He steps in and takes the [father] role any time he needs to. He gets him every weekend. I don’t have to worry about money. I don’t have to worry about my son needing this and that. I’m just thankful to have so much help as a single parent, and I’m glad that I don’t have a bad story to tell.”

A Father’s Point of View

According to Children-and-Divorce.com, half of all kids in the U.S. will experience the divorce of their parents. In approximately 80 percent of those divorced families, the mother is granted custodial rights. This leaves fathers with the burden of attempting to maintain an appropriate presence in their children’s lives.

Perry Sponseller knows the hardships of being a non-custodial parent. He was married for seven years before his divorce. At the time, their daughter was 1 year old and their son was 3.

Sponseller pays child support. A court-approved parenting plan allows him to see his kids during the week, as well as every other weekend. Adapting to seeing his children only part-time wasn’t easy.

“It’s had its ups and downs,” 40-year-old Sponseller says. “But I think I’ve adjusted to it quite well. What is hard about being a single parent is just not having that extra person around to help raise your children the way kids need to be raised. Having a divided household and doubling the expenses and overhead of family living on the same income you already had, that’s very difficult to do.”

Sponseller says he and his ex-wife have a better relationship as co-parents than they did while they were married, and he takes pride in being a father.

“Once I realized that we were getting a divorce, priority number one for me was to make sure my parental presence wasn’t tacked,” Sponseller says. “I just wanted to make sure that I had as much time as I could have with my kids. I didn’t really care about anything else.”

A Fatherless Son

According to Census data, one in three American children do not have fathers in their lives. Ryan Adams’ parents divorced when he was 2 years old. From his early childhood until his sophomore year at Mississippi State University, his father was in prison for a drug-related offense. Not having a male figure around profoundly impacted Adams, and it left his mother with one of the toughest jobs a woman can have: teaching boys how to become men.

“It’s often a unique situation when you’re dealing with a mom playing the role of a mother and father, because she has to be tough, and she has to be nurturing,” says Adams, now 28.No matter how much your mom tries, she can’t teach you how to be a man. There were questions she didn’t have answers to, and you kind of had to use life lessons to teach yourself in certain areas. It taught me what kind of man I don’t want to be. I want to be there whenever I have kids, because I know what it’s like to not have a father growing up. It was tough, but I think it helped me become a better man.”

Instead of allowing his trials to lead him away from a positive lifestyle, Adams used them as fuel to prosper. He triple majored at MSU in economics, finance, and management. And he’s currently working on his second master’s degree at Christian Brothers University.

He encourages other young people being raised in single-parent households not to let the absence of a parent hinder their success, but to use it as motivation to make a positive difference in their lives.

“Don’t become a victim to your circumstances, because there is light at the end of the tunnel,” Adams says. “There is opportunity out there to be better. If you want something, go get it. Remain encouraged. I guarantee that life is full of disappointments, but it’s about how you respond to those disappointments that determines true character.”

Categories
News The Fly-By

The Cheat Sheet

Greg Cravens

The Memphis police department reluctantly admits they have somehow lost track of precisely 62 registered sex offenders. This is rather disturbing news. What was the point of having us — uh, we mean them — fill out all those forms, and making sure they didn’t move anywhere near schools, and do all sorts of creepy things, if you can’t even keep track of them?

City officials in Munford, a community just north of here, staged a traffic accident at the local high school — complete with students covered in fake blood playing the part of injured or dead victims — so the kids would see for themselves the dangers of reckless or drunk driving. The police chief told reporters, “We hope this does have an impact on them.” So to speak.

The good people of West Memphis have started running promotional ads with the tagline: “So Close to Memphis, We Called It West Memphis.” The accompanying slogan is: “Think Outside the Bridge.” And the illustration just shows an expressway — apparently leading to West Memphis. It seems kind of sad that the only thing they could say about their city is that you can drive to it from another, larger city.

A bizarre custody case involving a golden retriever — formerly owned by a man who died without a will, and each of his divorced parents now wanting the dog — came to a quick end when the judge decreed that the two could share custody of the animal. Was that really so hard? Why can’t people work these things out for themselves?

A woman needing a kidney transplant places a classifieds ad in The Commercial Appeal and finds (we hope) a potential donor. Hmmm. If this works out, we may need to add a new category to our own Flyer Market on the Flyer Web site.

Categories
Cover Feature News

The War at Home

According to an affadavit by Rosine Ghawji, she was first contacted by the FBI in 1991 while she was living in New York with her husband, Maher Ghawji. The couple owned two apartments: one they lived in and one they first rented to diplomats from France — Rosine’s native country — and then, later, to diplomats from Syria — her husband’s native country.

One day, there was a knock on the door. The FBI agents standing outside wanted to know if she knew anything about the person who was living in the couple’s other apartment. She said no, and they told her the tenant was on a list “to hurt this country.”

The FBI agents asked: Did she know the relationship between her husband and the tenant?

She didn’t. The agents gave her a card and left. Rosine says she told her husband — now a prominent Memphis endocrinologist — about the incident and says he brushed it off as nothing.

But roughly 15 years later, after the couple and their children had moved to a beautiful brick home in Southwind, she came to believe that something was very wrong.

Brother Against Mother?

In 2004, Judge Donna Fields granted Rosine Ghawji an emergency restraining order against her husband. Rosine believed her husband wanted to take the couple’s sons to Syria and enlist the two teenagers in the Syrian army — or worse.

Thus began a divorce case that has garnered interest nationwide from right-wing blogs and conservative radio programs. It has led to a federal court case against a local judge and a complaint against that same judge with the Tennessee Court of the Judiciary. And it has patients of the Memphis endocrinologist wondering if their doctor could be a terrorist sympathizer.

Before she married Maher Ghawji, Rosine Collin worked with a wine importer in New York. She met the young physician in France, when her mother was one of his patients. Though she was Catholic and he was Muslim, the two fell in love and later married in a New York mosque.

A well-dressed woman in her mid-50s, Rosine comes off as intelligent and sophisticated and her story slightly practiced. According to an affidavit she filed in Circuit Court, she first learned the word “jihad” in 1993, a year after the family moved to Memphis. Maher’s younger brother, Haitham, lived in Canada at the time and wrote Maher a letter in Arabic. It was a letter that would come to haunt Rosine for the next 10 years.

“You need to keep the Quran and look forward to the jihad! I want you to swear, this issue of upbringing the kids, (your kids now) whoever will raise them will do so with the law of the Quran, unlike the mother. … I would like to know what are your thoughts about the Muslim way of holy war? You should be honest with yourself,” reads the translation from Rosine Ghawji’s sworn affidavit.

The letter from Haitham goes on to say that Maher has made a mistake marrying a Christian woman and invites him to join the ranks of Muslim soldiers in Afghanistan.

Later that year, Haitham traveled to the Middle East. He returned three years later, in 1996, to visit the Ghawjis in Memphis.

According to Rosine’s affadavit, one night he was intent on watching the nightly news. He seemed to be watching for something to happen, but by the end of the newscast, nothing had. The family went to bed.

Rosine awoke at 2 a.m. to the ringing of a telephone. A Middle Eastern man asked to speak with Haitham. As Rosine tells it, Haitham wanted to watch the news again the next night. Then came a story out of Saudi Arabia: The Khobar Towers, a housing complex for foreign-military forces, had been hit with a roughly 5,000-pound truck bomb. Nineteen Americans and one Saudi were killed in the blast.

Haitham jumped out of the chair, Rosine alleges, and yelled, “We got them! The Americans think they rule the world, but they don’t.”

In 1997, the family moved into a house in Southwind and got their first home computer. According to Rosine’s affidavit, she began monitoring the family’s computer activity.

Rosine says she met an ATF officer through a priest, who then introduced her to the FBI agent who would become her contact. She began supplying him with e-mails between her husband and Haitham. She says the FBI agent told her to be extremely cautious and not tell anyone.

“I remember seeing a picture attached to an e-mail that depicted a skeleton representing death; the skeleton’s hand held a map of the U.S.A.,” Rosine alleges in a court document. “On the map, you could see lights flashing from different cities, but [New York, Washington, D.C., Miami, and Las Vegas] were outlined and destroyed. [Her FBI contact] said he contacted the FBI in Washington, and they said not to worry because other intelligence sources suggested attacks would occur outside of the U.S.A.”

In early September 2001, Rosine says her husband received an e-mail from Haitham announcing that some of his friends were coming to the country and that they should welcome them. She gave that e-mail to her FBI contact, as well.

Shortly after the 9/11 attacks, the agent retired and Rosine, disenchanted with the FBI, refused to work with another agent. But her home life became more frightening. She alleges that Maher refused to have people of the Jewish faith inside his home, said he would rather see his sons blown up if they weren’t going to be good Muslims, and threatened to kill her. A friend told her she should turn to the FBI once again.

Rosine refused, saying the FBI was too slow and inefficient to deal with terrorism. Her friend then put her in touch with a man named Jim Raddatz.

Though she believed Raddatz was with the FBI, it was later revealed in court that he was a member of the local joint terrorism task force that includes officers from, among other agencies, the Shelby County Sheriff’s Office.

“Raddatz and I have had numerous meetings,” Rosine reports in her affidavit. “He monitored our lives on almost a daily basis. He had me wear a recording device he called a ‘wire’ for days in order to get more information about what was going on in the house. He was also asking me to monitor the Internet. He was interested in a PayPal-like account that my husband used to make a donation of $500 to a fraudulent charity, the KindHearts Foundation. I later learned that the KindHearts Foundation has been set up to collect money for the Palestinian terror organization Hamas.”

Maher’s attorneys contend that any alleged terrorist ties to their client are completely false, including the contents of Haitham’s letter to his brother.

“It was written in Arabic,” says Maher’s attorney John Ryland. “They had supposedly translated that document, but they had done so incorrectly. … It did not say what Ms. Ghawji contended it said.”

According to a translation by Mohamad Akbik, a vascular surgeon and former president of the Muslim Society of Memphis, there was nothing in the letter that advocated indoctrinating the children into radical Muslim beliefs or any intent to harm Rosine or her sons. Ryland also held there was no mention of jihad in the letter.

The divorce court also heard evidence that Maher filed a waiver each time the family visited Syria for the boys to be exempt from consideration for the military.

Retaining Counsel

Last fall, more than two years after the divorce case began, Florida attorney Larry Klayman filed a motion to be allowed to represent Rosine Ghawji pro hac vici, or as an out-of-state attorney.

Klayman is the founder and former chairman of Judicial Watch, a law firm dedicated to “fighting government corruption,” and a self-described “conservative Ralph Nader.” He made a national name for himself during the Whitewater scandal, eventually filing more than 15 lawsuits against the Clinton administration. Articles in Newsweek during 1998 called him “Mr. Lawsuit” and “A Legal Bomb Thrower” and said, “Critics say he’s so litigious he’d sue his own mother. In fact, Klayman (through his collection agency) last year did sue his mom.”

After failing to note in his application to the court that he had been denied admission pro hac vici before and that he had once had his pro hac vici rights revoked during trial, Klayman was denied permission to represent Rosine in her divorce case before Judge Donna Fields. Klayman claimed it was an oversight.

“I think if I had been kicked out of two courts, I would have remembered,” counters David Caywood, one of Maher’s attorneys.

Klayman continued representing Rosine, not in divorce court but as her general counsel. Shortly thereafter — two weeks before the case’s scheduled start date of January 2, 2007 — Rosine’s in-state lawyer, Stuart Breakstone, asked to withdraw from the case. Fields allowed Breakstone to withdraw but refused to postpone the trial.

On January 9th, Breakstone testified in court about a lawsuit — against the court-appointed psychologist and Maher Ghawji — that Klayman had e-mailed to Maher. For obvious reasons, attorneys are not allowed to communicate with opposing parties without counsel. Maher’s lawyers alleged that the draft had been sent as a means of intimidation.

Breakstone testified that Rosine was shocked that that complaint had been sent to her husband and that she seemed very upset with Klayman.

“Basically,” Breakstone said in court, “I told her that Mr. Klayman was poison for her divorce case and that there was no way that that could have been unintentionally done. … I told her that any further communication or contact with Larry Klayman was very problematic.”

With Breakstone out and Klayman not allowed to represent her at trial, Rosine decided not to appear in court for her own case.

Klayman asked an acquaintance and a fellow attorney, Ty Clevenger, to go to court and take notes. Fields noticed Clevenger in court and called him to the stand to testify.

Clevenger initially said on the stand that he had not been retained by Rosine. However, Clevenger had previously spoken to Klayman and Rosine about their trial strategy. Klayman later asserted that putting Clevenger on the stand was a breach of attorney-client privilege. “The crux of the issue is that privilege belongs to the client,” Klayman says, “not to any lawyer.”

Maher’s lawyers concede that it isn’t often someone sitting in the court’s gallery will be called to the stand, but they contend that in this case, it had to be done.

“Rosine had threatened to leave the country with the children,” says Caywood. “You ask if it’s unusual. Yeah, it’s unusual, but you have to do what you have to do. When you think you have children who are being absconded with, that’s the bottom line.”

Meanwhile, the Ghawji divorce-case story was getting national attention. The first day she was supposed to show up in court, Rosine went on the radio on The Jim Bohannon Show, billed as a “Christian woman who informed to the FBI about her husband’s alleged support of terrorism.”

Joe Kaufman, a Florida blogger and “counter-terrorism expert,” began to tell Rosine’s story on his Web site, americansagainsthate.org. Recently, Kaufman launched a section entitled “The Case of Rosine Ghawji, or I Married a Terrorist Collaborator.” The site offers a host of evidence against Maher Ghawji, including Rosine’s affidavit, e-mails written by her children, and $1,800 in receipts and check stubs from Mercy International, a group identified after 9/11 as a charitable arm for al-Qaeda.

Because Rosine did not attend the divorce proceedings, none of that material was entered into evidence. Caywood and Ryland say they presented their case as if the other side were in attendance.

Maher’s attorneys say he wrote the checks with the intention of making humanitarian donations to lessen the suffering in Bosnia and Albania.

“I’m not a terrorist, but if I were and I was a United States citizen and I wanted to give funds to a terrorist organization, I would not write a check,” says Caywood. “There are other ways to get money to terrorist organizations.”

Ryland points out that Maher also listed the donations on his tax returns as charitable deductions.

Justin Fox Burks

A Nuclear Family?

One of the more interesting of Rosine’s documents is a proffer — a legal document that offers evidence — from a federal court in Illinois. The document mainly concerns a man named Enaam Arnaout, who worked for Benevolence International Foundation (BIF) in Bosnia and who was found to be an associate of Osama bin Laden.

Arnaout is a Syrian-born U.S. citizen who pleaded guilty in February 2003 to a charge of racketeering for using charitable funds to support fighters in Chechnya and Bosnia. He acknowledged illegally giving money to buy boots, tents, uniforms, and an ambulance for Muslim fighters.

But in the proffer, there’s a familiar name:

“In a memorandum to defendant Arnaout on November 17, 1995 … BIF employee ‘H. Ghawji’ described the delivery of 200 tents from BIF to the Bosnian government in October 1995. … Ghawji described his meeting with government officials and summarized the government’s needs, including a request for humanitarian assistance in establishing factories to generate income for the wounded and families of soldiers killed in the war.”

H. Ghawji also wrote of needing tents, sleeping bags, military shoes, and food for the army.

Maher Ghawji’s attorneys say there’s no way to know if this is Maher’s brother.

“The reference is to H. Ghawji and that’s it, not Haitham Ghawji,” says Ryland, who adds that Haitham has never been indicted. “It’s just one mention in a federal document.”

But there are other Memphis connections. In April 2005, the Flyer published a story about the arrest of Rafat Mawlawi. The feds were initially investigating a scam in which Memphis women were being paid to “marry” Moroccan men, but when FBI agents raided the Syrian man’s Raleigh home, they found weapons, $34,000 in cash, more than 20 passports for Middle Eastern countries, and two pictures of Mawlawi with a rocket-propelled grenade launcher. The Flyer story was accompanied by one of the photos, taken in Bosnia in 1997. Though the Flyer‘s cropped version only showed the silhouette of one man, there is another man in the photo.

Rosine says she was given a copy of this photo by Raddatz, and she identified the other man as Haitham. She says that Haitham knew Mawlawi through a Memphis mosque and trained him in Bosnia.

The photo was introduced in court the same day Raddatz came to the proceedings, though Raddatz said he could not testify.

Judge Fields asked, “There’s an ongoing investigation, I presume?” Raddatz answered, “Yes.”

Fields then asked, “Are you all convinced that the identity of this second person that was photographed was Dr. Ghawji’s brother?”

Raddatz replied, “I am not. Others are.”

Ryland wanted the record to reflect that the photo doesn’t show the second man’s whole face, only his profile.

In a subsequent Flyer story, however, senior editor John Branston wrote that the FBI identified the other man in the photograph as Enaam Arnaout — the same man whose proffer mentions “H. Ghawji.”

Mawlawi is currently incarcerated in a federal penitentiary in Louisiana. He is schedueld to be released in December.

Dividing the Assets

Anyone who has ever talked to someone with the FBI knows how tight-lipped they can be. If asked about a specific investigation, they will inevitably say they cannot speak on whether such a case even exists.

Rosine says she worked with Raddatz for more than two years, meeting him in the parking lot of a Germantown school.

George Bolds, FBI spokesman and chief division counsel, said he has no direct knowledge of how many meetings Raddatz had with Rosine and could not answer whether Raddatz had ever asked her to wear a wire.

“If you assert you have information we might be interested in, we’ll meet with you,” Bolds said. “We’re paid to follow up on information.”

At the request of Rosine’s attorneys, Raddatz met with the court. Raddatz said he could not speak on the record about Rosine. He acknowledged there was an ongoing investigation, but, as he was departing, he said something about how the whole thing had been blown out of proportion.

Gary Bayer was a court-appointed clinical psychologist charged with improving Maher’s relationship with his sons. He reported that the children were scared of spending the night with Maher because they believed they would be “kidnapped, drugged, and forced to serve in an Arab army.”

In his testimony February 12th, Bayer said that he contacted the FBI because “the older brother said he would entertain the idea of spending the night with his father if he could get some guidance or some information from the FBI.”

According to official transcripts, Bayer said, “[The FBI] have been involved in this case, and they’re really distancing themselves. They said they’re not going to do anything as long as this divorce is going on, obviously.”

Bayer was then asked what he meant by “not going to do anything” and was he talking about talking?

“Talking, continuing contact,” he testified. “I don’t want to say what they plan — what they need to do. Anyway, they don’t want to have any immediate involvement. They sort of left the door open.”

The notion has been floated that the FBI has flipped Maher, turning him into an informant.

Comments on Fox News talk-show host Sean Hannity’s blog posit similar theories: “Considering the FBI involvement, it seems to me that the FBI feels a need to get the trial over without full disclosure on the public record. … I’d guess that there are one of two circumstances taking place. Either the FBI is building a case against the husband and doesn’t want the divorce proceedings to disrupt their case or the testimony on public record will reveal a network that the FBI does not want disclosed to the public.”

When contacted by the Flyer, Bolds said, “This is a divorce dispute. Far be it from the FBI to interfere with a divorce case.”

Bolds would not say whether the FBI was investigating Maher Ghawji or his brother.

Legal Wrangling

In February, Judge Fields issued her ruling in the Ghawji divorce case. Maher received sole possession of the marital estate, while Rosine received sole possession of the couple’s house in France. She was also awarded $3,000 a month in transitional alimony for one year.

“I think I made the statement in court, ‘Well, we didn’t do a very good job,'” says Caywood. “[Rosine] didn’t put on any proof, but she still got alimony.”

Before the ruling was issued, however, Rosine and Klayman filed a case against Judge Fields in federal court, first in Florida and then in Tennessee, alleging that Rosine’s civil rights had been violated. Among the complaints were that Fields had violated attorney-client privilege and had denied Rosine’s right to counsel.

Mary Bers, in the Tennessee Office of the Attorney General, is representing Judge Fields in the federal court case. Though Rosine originally sought monetary damages, she renounced those claims, asking only for declaratory and injunctive relief.

In a filing with the court, Bers argues that Fields has absolute judicial immunity because she was acting in her official capacity.

“This is nothing but a patent attempt to circumvent the rulings of the state court under the guise of a civil rights action,” reads Bers’ motion to dismiss. “If Ms. Ghawji is dissatisfied with any decision made by Judge Fields, she may immediately seek to appeal.”

The state attorney general’s office declined any additional comment, saying that they do not discuss pending litigation and that their filings speak for themselves.

Klayman argues that judges don’t have immunity when they step out of their role, something, he says, Fields did when she enjoined Rosine from filing claims in other courts or from traveling out of state. “This is a situation that cries out for help from the federal court,” Klayman says.

Caywood says Klayman’s pattern is clear: “They didn’t like Judge Fields. They wanted to get her to recuse herself. One of the ways you can try to do that they tried, with filing a complaint with the Court of the Judiciary.”

The Tennessee Court of the Judiciary is the sanctioning body for judges. It meets twice a year, on the fourth Wednesday in February and the fourth Wednesday in August.

The practice known as “forum shopping” is when litigants try to get their case heard in the court they think will issue the most favorable ruling.

“If you think they’re forum shopping, you don’t give in to it. Judge Fields has not given in to their efforts to raise the spectre of her being biased,” says Caywood. “Judge Fields refused to be intimidated by Mr. Klayman.”

In a letter to the disciplinary counsel for the court, Joe Riley, Klayman alleged that Fields engaged in “serious, willful, and egregious judicial misconduct” by excluding evidence of Maher’s ties to a terrorist organization, allowing Rosine’s local counsel to withdraw roughly two weeks before the trial was supposed to commence, and calling Clevenger to the stand.

“[Fields] effectively threatened Mr. Clevenger with criminal prosecution, suggesting that he had knowledge of the whereabouts of the Ghawji children who were absent from school, remarking: ‘You don’t understand aiding and abetting.'”

If a judge is found to have violated the Code of Judicial Conduct, the Court of the Judiciary has the power to impose a variety of sanctions, from issuing a private reprimand to recommending removal from office.

However, the Tennessee Court of the Judiciary is as quiet as the FBI and the state attorney general’s office. When contacted by the Flyer, Riley would not confirm or deny that a complaint had been filed against Fields.

Fields had her own response about whether she had prejudged the Ghawji case. During court proceedings January 3rd, Fields said, “If Ms. Ghawji is under the mistaken belief that I have prejudged against her because she has been uncooperative with this court, she needs to consult with other attorneys whose clients in like situations have gone to jail.

“I am not clairvoyant. I cannot know what the truth is behind this marriage. I can only know what facts are presented to me.”

“A Nightmare since Day One”

Asked if he had ever seen a case like this, Ryland said, “A divorce case this ugly? Fortunately, no.”

At its heart, this could be a simple divorce case. People can say some pretty horrible things about their spouses during a divorce. Perhaps Maher or his brother does have ties to terrorism. Or perhaps Rosine, as court documents allude, is delusional.

During testimony from Clevenger, the judge and Maher’s attorneys discussed contempt issues relating to Rosine’s appearance on The Jim Bohannon Show and court orders that had been violated.

“It’s been a nightmare since day one, and, just as you have predicted, with Mr. Klayman’s involvement, it’s just mushrooming,” Fields said in court.

“I believe this is a situation where Mr. Kaufman and Mr. Klayman have latched onto Ms. Ghawji to propagate the campaign they have relative to Muslims,” says Ryland.

“I’ve got another take on it,” says Caywood. “The latest they’ve got up is a legal defense fund. They’re trying to raise money. Who do you think that money is going to?”

Fields ruled that Rosine was at fault for the breakup of the marriage and that Maher would be the primary residential parent for statutory purposes. During the disposition of the case, one of the Ghawji sons turned 18.

Rosine filed to appeal the outcome of the divorce case in the Court of Appeals on March 30th. That case is pending, though an emergency motion to stay Fields’ judgment until the appeal was denied.

In the federal court case, Fields filed her own reply on March 29th in support of the motion to dismiss with prejudice. That case is also still pending.

Categories
News The Fly-By

Fly on the Wall

Family Values

Divorced state senator Paul Stanley (R-Splitsville) wants to keep government out of people’s personal lives. That’s why the Shelby County lawmaker is proposing a bill that would force married couples with children under 15 to wait a year before divorcing. Stanley says his bill isn’t intended to keep unhappy couples together, it’s intended to look after our children’s “best interests.” You know, like when Daddy comes home at 3 a.m. and finds Mama sitting on the couch sobbing in the dark and Daddy calls Mama a “stupid tramp,” and Mama calls Daddy an “ignorant $#%& who can’t keep a %$#@ing job,” and Daddy slaps Mama and she screams, then Mama slaps back and Daddy cries and then they both start yelling about money and who cheated on who first. The kids just can’t get enough of that.

Milestones

The Fly-Team now interrupts its regular weekly programing of sarcasm and bitter irony to announce a truly momentous occasion. Elvis’ clothier Bernard Lansky, the man who matched pink with black and helped create the original look of rock-and-roll, turns 80 this week. Let us all remove our purple fur hats with the rhinestones and peacock feathers in honor of this occasion.

Burn the Witch!

Shortly after announcing her candidacy for City Council, Save Libertyland activist Denise Parkinson told The Daily News it was time to “clean house.”

“I’ve got a broom,” she said, “and I’m not afraid to use it.” Then she waved to Dorothy and the Munchkins and floated away in a golden bubble.