Verbatim
“If you are buying ALCOHOLE [sic] please have a picture ID ready. You will not be able to purchase any alcohol products if you don’t have a valid ID to show. You have to show your ID every time your [sic] buying alcohol even if you come here 20 times a day you will be asked to show an ID.” — Excerpt from a note posted at a convenience store on Winchester near Perkins. For being such a short message, there’s an awful lot to unpack here. But the big takeaways are, it’s conceivable somebody might attempt to buy booze 20 times in 24 hours. Also, “alcohole” is probably the greatest misspelling in the history of spelling. We’ve all known an alcohole at some point in our lives. Many of us have even been one.
REEFER MADNESS!!!
“Why give someone the opportunity to sell drugs from their automobiles, because that’s what they’re going to do? This resolution is dealing with the devil.” — Memphis’ always succinct, always on point City Councilman Joe Brown objects to decriminalizing small amounts of marijuana, because to do so would open a terrifying floodgate of car-based pot peddling and, even worse, — dope trucks! Or something like that. Also, the devil is scary.
Memphis Too
Whenever you’re feeling down about the Bluff City, think of this and take comfort in knowing that, for all of our many problems, we’re not that Memphis. According to a newspaper report “Dollar General Opens to Much Fanfare in Memphis, [Michigan].”
“It’s beautiful,” an actual townsperson was quoted as saying.