Eiffel Tower – Memphis Flyer

Police Report

In news from Paris, an “experienced climber” got to the top of the Eiffel Tower early on Aug. 17 and parachuted off before guards could stop him, The Guardian reported. The unnamed man landed safely after the leap from about 1,100 feet and was promptly arrested for endangering the lives of others. “This kind of irresponsible action puts people working at or near the tower in danger,” scolded SETE, the tower’s management company. [Guardian, 8/17/2023]

Least Competent Criminal

Sure, Mountain Dew has been compared to battery acid, but one suspect thought a can of the stuff could save her from being fingered as a killer. Fox35-TV reported that on Aug. 5, Nichole Maks, 35, was charged with first-degree murder in the death of her 79-year-old roommate, Michael Cerasoli. Cerasoli was discovered beaten and stabbed in the home they shared in Daytona Beach, Florida, on July 1. Officers tracked down Maks around 3:30 the next morning at a Krystal’s restaurant, where she had blood on the side of her leg and part of her shirt had been torn or cut away. As they approached, she dropped a knife and hammer she’d been carrying; she told officers she often carried such items. Police said that as they questioned her about her roommate, she became “agitated” and asked for a drink; they gave her a can of Diet Mountain Dew, which she poured over her body and hair, hoping to eliminate any evidence on her person. Unsurprisingly, that stunt didn’t work, and her DNA was found on the knife used to kill Cerasoli. She currently resides at the Volusia County Jail. [Fox35, 8/14/2023]

The Weirdo-American Community

TikToker Michaela Witter was on Day 20 of a series she was posting about “100 solo dates” — activities like reading in the park or buying herself flowers. On Aug. 7, as she browsed in Barnes & Noble in Burbank, California, Witter inadvertently captured a stalker on video as he followed her, kneeled behind her, and sniffed her (and another woman) repeatedly. Fox News reported that Witter’s post unleashed a torrent of similar experiences — even with the same stalker. “Bro that same man was crouching behind me and following me thru Marshalls today,” one commenter posted. “The same thing happened to me at Ralph’s in Burbank,” another said. One TikToker had the same experience in the same bookstore. Glendale police arrested Calese Carron Crowder, 37, on Aug. 11, but a judge placed him on probation and released him on Aug. 15. Los Angeles County Jail records show Crowder has been booked there 41 times. [Fox News, 8/16/2023]

Ummmmmm

• Street performer Lino Tomasen, 32, of Havana, Cuba, retired from boxing after a blow delivered to his opponent fractured the man’s skull and killed him instantly, he told Reuters. Tomasen gave all his fight winnings to that man’s family and took to the streets, where the “Ironman” now beats on himself and collects tips. He uses a sledgehammer to slam his wrists, elbows, and forearms for horrified onlookers, but seems to be unharmed by the abuse. “It’s all real, nothing fabricated,” said Edward Carbonell, who watched Tomasen’s “show.” “I want to be remembered as someone who pushed the limits of what was possible,” Tomasen said. [Reuters, 8/15/2023]

• At a sunset “furmeet” on Aug. 12 in Huntington Beach, California, one furry took offense when a man in street clothes started filming the spectacle on his phone, the Toronto Sun reported. Someone in a black wolf costume asked the filmer to stop, then amplified his message with a megaphone: “Leave or we will make you leave.” When the filmer didn’t budge, the wolf hit him over the head with the megaphone. Others jumped into the brawl, which was finally broken up by California State Parks officers. [Toronto Sun, 8/16/2023]

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