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At Large Opinion

The X Factor

So, I go on vacation for two weeks and Memphis lands a deal with Elon Musk — “the world’s richest man” — to build the largest supercomputer in the world in the former Electrolux plant. What? 

From a BnB in upstate New York last week, I read a well-reported (if slightly breathless) story in the Daily Memphian, wherein reporter Sophia Surrett told the behind-the-scenes chronicle of how the Greater Memphis Chamber, led by CEO Ted Townsend, managed to convince Musk to bring his multi-billion-dollar project to the Bluff City. Selling points included our city’s ample water supply, cheap land costs, and the chamber’s willingness to work fast. Memphis was pitched in a zoom meeting with Musk and his associates in March, while Townsend was in Austin for SXSW. Musk apparently liked what he heard and over the next three months, the deal was consummated.

If things go according to plan, the former Electrolux facility will soon house a tech startup called xAI and will, according to an unnamed source in the Daily Memphian story, create “less than 200 jobs.” It will use approximately 1 million gallons of water per day, about 1 percent of the city’s current daily use. In addition, xAI will need up to 150 megawatts of electricity to run the facility — enough energy to power 100,000 homes.

Local environmental groups, including Protect Our Aquifer, issued a cautionary statement: “Before we welcome xAI with open arms, we must consider how an industry using such a tremendous amount of electricity will further impact communities already overwhelmed with pollution and a high energy burden, such as those around the xAI facility in Southwest Memphis. … Will xAI bear the cost of TVA’s fuel adjustment fee in times of high energy demand? … With our recent history of severe weather events and rolling blackouts, TVA and Memphis Light, Gas & Water must work closely with this facility to keep energy use off peak-demand hours. … During times of emergency, our utility providers must have a plan to ensure that residents receive the power and water they need ahead of corporate demand.” 

Good points, all. There is some talk that xAI will get involved in building a system that will use wastewater or river water to handle its cooling needs, but it’s just talk at this point. However it goes, this appears to be a big deal. And Musk is a big deal, a guy who sends Space X rockets and Starlink satellites into space, builds futuristic Tesla cars (and goofy trucks), and owns X (formerly Twitter), the world’s largest news and social-messaging platform. 

But that raises — or should — another concern: Musk, who says that he has Asperger’s Syndrome, has configured X’s algorithm to ensure that his voice is the most prominent on the platform, meaning he has 187 million followers who can see his posts. He is a mega-influencer. 

He’s also an anti-vaxxer who recently posted a photo of Dr. Anthony Fauci under the caption: “You’re all beagles to me. Crimes Against Humanity.” Additionally, Musk is anti-trans, anti-DEI, pro-Trump, pro-Tucker Carlson, anti-Ukraine, pro-Russia, and has retweeted the “scientific” graphs of @eyeslasho, which claim to prove that “Black people in the US are overwhelmingly more criminally violent than whites.” Not a great look for a CEO looking to set up in a majority Black city. Musk has also retweeted some blatantly anti-semitic X posts. A real peach, this guy. 

To put this in some sort of context, however strained, there is little doubt that other business and corporate leaders  — in Memphis and elsewhere — share some of Musk’s beliefs and politics. The general attitude of those looking to expand their city’s economic base, i.e. political leaders and business types like those in the Greater Chamber, is to downplay (or ignore) such things as long as the greater good — jobs, investment, and a bump for the city’s reputation — is achieved. CEOs gonna CEO, the thinking goes. 

By that measure, it appears that Memphis has landed a big fish, one that will maybe bring a few more fish in its wake and provide more good-paying jobs than the 200 initially surmised. But the bottom line on the xAI deal is yet to be determined. And how — or if — this transaction will benefit the Memphis economy or the average Memphian is unknown. Musk is a wild card, given to mercurial, offensive, and impulsive moves. Call him the X factor. 

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Atlanta X Data Center Proposal May Offer Hints for What’s to Come With xAI in Memphis

Memphians still don’t have many details on xAI’s massive supercomputer project planned for Memphis, though a recent $700 million data center deal for X in Atlanta may offer some clues.

What we don’t know is:

• How much will the company actually invest here? (It’s been touted as “multibillion” and the “largest single capital investment in Memphis history.”)

• What exactly will the so-called Gigafactory of Compute do? (It’s proposed to power X’s Grok artificial intelligence. But how that will happen in Memphis remains hazy.)

• How many employees and new jobs will the project bring to Memphis? (Speculation says about 200 hundred jobs. But no one in the public is yet certain.)

• What will the real economic impact of the project be for Memphis?

• What will local leaders offer to the company in incentives to bring them here?

Many of the questions were slated to be answered next week. The project was supposed to go before the Memphis-Shelby County Economic Development Growth Engine (EDGE) on Wednesday, June 19. Officials cancelled that meeting in observance of the Juneteenth holiday. So, locals could be left waiting for a month for answers on xAI, unless EDGE calls a special meeting.

In the meantime, I took a suggestion from someone on the Memphis subreddit. (I couldn’t find the comment or I would’ve given you a shoutout). For what could happen in Memphis, they suggested looking to Atlanta.

Atlanta case study

X Corp. (not xAI) proposed to build a $700 million data center there in December. It already had a data center in the city and another in Portland, according to WSB-TV Atlanta. Incentive packages would decide whether the company brought its big, new project to Portland, Oregon or Atlanta.

“Either location, in addition to similar alternative locations, could serve as the near-term location for this infrastructure investment,” reads the company’s application to Develop Fulton, Atlanta’s EDGE equivalent. “The incentive is a critical part of the analysis and decision process of whether to locate the equipment in Atlanta, Portland, or other locations.”

For the new Atlanta project, the company asked Develop Fulton to approve a $700 million inducement and final bond resolution “to acquire, install and create the next generation of high-performance computing and Artificial Intelligence (AI) products for the X platform.” The company also asked for a tax break of more than $10.1 million over 10 years.

Taxes for the project in its first year were promised to be more than $4 million. Taxes over the project’s first 10 years would be more than $16.5 million.

The project would retain 24 jobs in Atlanta, not create new jobs. X Corp. predicted an overall economic impact of the project to be more than $241.7 million in 10 years.

The economic impact figure changed, though, from when X first brought the project to Develop Fulton, according to WSB-TV. The company’s original pitch to the board said the economic impact for the project would be more than $1 billion, way higher than the updated $241.7 million figure:

Credit: Develop Fulton/ X application from December
Credit: Develop Fulton/ X application from January

X Corp.’s proposal ended in a deadlock from the Develop Fulton board in December. The vote came after the board “got an earful from opposed residents,” according to The Atlanta Journal-Constitution.

One board member, Laura Kurlander-Nagel, said the X platform’s value dropped by more than half after xAI founder Elon Musk bought it. For her it was a concern and she voted against the project, according to London-based Data Centre Dynamics blog.

The Atlanta site, northwest of Downtown on Jefferson Street, was once proposed for another data center. Kansas-based Quality Technology Services (QTS) wanted to build a center there but asked Develop Fulton for a $45 million tax break over 10 years. The board voted against it, and, apparently, QTS moved on.

However, when the X project came back before Develop Fulton in January, it passed with that $10.1 million tax break included. Two board member voted against it.

Data boom

Data centers are booming in Georgia’s capital city. Atlanta City Council member Jason Dozier said the market is growing faster there than in any other U.S. city. Construction for data centers in Atlanta grew by 211 percent, Dozier said, from 2022 to 2023.

This is partly why he and council member Matt Westmoreland proposed a ban on building them close to transit stations and the Atlanta BeltLine. It was unclear whether the ban had yet passed.

“Despite their growth, data centers don’t create many local jobs compared to other sectors,” Dozier tweeted in mid-May. “This limits economic benefits for our communities. Their existence presents a trade-off, diverting resources and focus away from alternative, people-oriented development priorities.

Their existence presents a trade-off, diverting resources and focus away from alternative, people-oriented development priorities.

Atlanta City Council member Jason Dozier

“Additionally, the energy demand of these centers is substantial, oftentimes equivalent to an entire natural gas plant’s output, further stressing our fragile electric grid.

“By prohibiting new data centers near transit and the Atlanta BeltLine, we aim to preserve these vital corridors for people-oriented priorities like housing, retail, transportation, and green spaces.

“It’s time to ensure that our city’s growth is sustainable and equitable for all residents. Let’s work together to shape Atlanta’s future in a way that prioritizes the needs of our communities and that benefits all Atlantans.”

But urban Atlantans aren’t the only ones with qualms over data centers in the Peach State. Georgia state lawmakers voted to temporarily suspend a tax break on equipment for data centers, according to the Associated Press. The legislation followed a monthslong review of all of the state’s many tax breaks and incentive programs.

The bill gained traction as Georgia Power reported a massive spike in electricity demand, and the data center industry accounted for 80 percent of that growth, it said. Also, one lawmaker also cited a 2022 state audit report that found that the tax exemption for data centers returned 24 cents on the dollar.

However, Georgia Governor Brian Kemp vetoed the legislation in May. He said the bill’s July 1 deadline would have interrupted “projects that are already in development — undermining the investments made by high-technology data center operators, customers, and other stakeholders in reliance on the recent extension, and inhibiting important infrastructure and job development.”

Sierra Club Georgia Chapter Director G Webber called the move “beyond disappointing.”

“The surge in the demand for power from data centers is propping up old coal plants and causing a rush to build new gas infrastructure,” Webber said in a statement. “As a result, Georgia communities will see higher levels of air and water pollution, and our fight to curb the worst effects of climate change is hampered. Kemp is burying his head in the sand by refusing to address an issue already having such a significant impact on our state.”

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News The Fly-By

MEMernet: Musk’s ManeFrame Moves MEMernet

Memphis on the internet.

No comment

Elon meet Elvis. Elvis meet Elon. @elonmusk @xai

Top reply

Posted to X by Jeff Byrd

ManeFrame

The Memphis subreddit buzzed with the Elon news. Opinions were mixed.

User u/ThiccAssCrackHead said, “It means he will be using 1 million gallons of aquifer water per day while only employing 25-45 people that are brought in from out of state. Ask Atlanta how theirs is going.”

U/Delway said, “It’s a start. It will hopefully attract other tech companies with high paying jobs. … fiber optic network infrastructure will be sped up. High paying Jobs to retrofit the facility. Inspire our local youth.”

But one suggestion seems like something we can all agree on. Reddit user u/mylogicistoomuchforu said, “Elon Musk is building a supercomputer in Memphis. We got to call it the ManeFrame.”

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Environmental Groups Urge Caution on xAI Project

Environmental groups cautioned leaders on the effects — especially on electricity and water use — of the xAI facility announced Wednesday. 

The tech company owned by Elon Musk plans to build the world largest supercomputer in Memphis. The announcement drew acclaim from area leaders for its promise of economic development. 

Protect Our Aquifer, Memphis Community Against Pollution, and Young Gifted & Green said in a joint statement late Wednesday that, while they are thankful of tech industries’ interest in Memphis, facilities like xAI have environmental consequences. 

Cloud-computing facilities like these use a lot of electricity for massive air conditioning units and generators, creating a high carbon footprint, the groups said. The Musk facility is expected to use enough electricity to power 100,000 homes. 

“Before we welcome xAI with open arms, we must consider how an industry using such a tremendous amount of electricity will further impact communities already overwhelmed with pollution and a high energy burden, such as those around the xAI facility in Southwest Memphis,” reads the statement. “The energy burden measures how much of a family’s income goes to paying their utility bill. The national average is three percent, but in Memphis, the average is 27 percent. Will xAI bear the cost of TVA’s (Tennessee Valley Authority) fuel adjustment fee in times of high energy demand? 

“More so, with our recent history of severe weather events and rolling blackouts, TVA and Memphis Light, Gas & Water (MLGW) must work closely with this facility to keep energy use off peak demand hours.”

The facility is also expected to need a million gallons of water each day for its cooling towers, they said. That water would come from the MLGW Davis Wellfield in Southwest Memphis, the groups said. The wellfield is where the Byhalia Connection Pipeline was to split and where levels of arsenic have been detected in shallow groundwater, they said. 

“We encourage xAI to support investment in a city of Memphis wastewater reuse system to reduce strain on our water supply and drinking water infrastructure,” the statement said. 

The air quality impacts of such a facility are unknown, they said. But they called on the Shelby County Health Department to to measure it and other environmental impacts of the xAI facility.  

“Lastly, xAI should immediately consider the inclusion of binding community benefits agreements that enshrine its obligations to the local community, including targeted hiring, apprenticeship programs, and funding for neighborhood revitalization efforts,” the groups said. “We encourage Elon Musk and xAI to build solar for the site and invest in a greywater reuse facility to reduce the strain on the water supply and electric grid along with hiring from low-income and disadvantaged communities to boost the local economy.”

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Redditors Predicted Musk’s Memphis Project

Reddit was right, mostly. 

Redditors sniffed out Elon Musk’s new gigafactory plans for Memphis days before the billionaire and local officials made the news public

Five days ago, the r/ElonJetTracker subreddit showed his plane left Austin and landed in Memphis.

First the details:

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Next the top comments: 

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And the speculation began: 

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But other Redditors noted that Musk’s bother, Kimball, once owned a restaurant in Memphis, Next Door American Eatery in Crosstown

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But Elon Musk confirmed he was in Memphis in a June 2nd post on X. 

On Monday, speculation about … something happening at the old Electrolux building began in the Memphis subreddit. 

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This one was off the mark, though. Well, for now. Anything’s possible.  

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But u/badregs had the straight dope, somehow.

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Another post had local Reddit users wondering if Elon was here. 

But turned out, it wasn’t Elon. 

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It was the the Secret Order of the Boll Weevils with a huge police escort. 

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But other folks saw something other than the Boll Weevils’ signature school bus.

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Once the news was announced Wednesday, the Memphis subreddit began to buzz.

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Longtime sub celebrity u/B1gR1g weighed in: 

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Plenty had plenty to say on Musk and the project, too:

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News News Blog

Musk to Locate xAI Supercomputer in Memphis

Elon Musk is coming to Memphis and bringing the AI revolution with him.

Musk, who is CEO of Tesla, SpaceX, and runs several other companies, is opening a major facility in Memphis that will be the heart of his X.AI Corp (xAI). The Greater Memphis Chamber, which hosted the announcement Wednesday, said it represents the largest single private sector investment in Memphis’ history.

The company was founded in March 2023 and is headquartered in the San Francisco Bay Area. While there are several companies exploring the world of artificial intelligence, Musk is bringing his own vision to what it can and should be, which in the broadest sense is “to understand the true nature of the universe.”

As the billionaire entrepreneur told the Greater Memphis Chamber, “My vision is to build the world’s largest and most powerful supercomputer, and I’m willing to put it in Memphis.”

Ted Townsend, president and CEO of the Chamber, said the organization was contacted about three months ago of the company’s interest in locating in Memphis. Prior to that, Phoenix Investment Group of Milwaukee acquired a 200-acre property, plus a 600-acre parcel.

It was Phoenix that provided the connection to xAI, which was interested in the property. Top executives in Musk’s organization wanted to meet right away with the Chamber as well as Doug McGowen, president and CEO of Memphis Light, Gas and Water. It went well.

The deal was not a deal yet, but the interest was clear. There were more meetings in rapid succession with the idea of firming it up and announcing by June. 

Locating the xAI operation here also means associated enterprises will be along for the ride. The facility will need computer chips and servers and skilled, high-tech labor. 

“Memphis is positioned to extract the benefit of their presence here, and the enormity of capital investment being deployed here, and the direct and indirect and induced impact from an economic development perspective is truly transforming,” Townsend said.

The Securities Exchange Commission reported in December that xAI had raised $134.7 million in outside funding. Last month, the company announced a funding round of $6 billion from key investors. 

xAI has already developed Grok, a series of models that have been frequently updated since the initial release last August. Grok-1.5 is available to premium users of X (formerly Twitter).  

Musk has long been a fan of science fiction, particularly the works of Douglas Adams, who famously wrote the series The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. One of the six volumes in the series is “Life, the Universe and Everything,” which is referenced on xAI’s home page with the slogan “Discover the answers to life, the universe, everything.”

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At Large Opinion

Rough Water Ahead

On Sunday, former President Donald Trump attacked American Jews on his Truth Social platform. His message: Jews in the United States need to “get their act together” and show more appreciation for the state of Israel and Donald Trump “before it is too late.”

That concluding sentence caused a lot of blowback from Jewish groups, who saw Trump’s post as a veiled threat and a thinly disguised message to his MAGA and white supremacist base that Jews were a problem. It was remarks like these that got Trump banned from Twitter and led to his forming Truth Social, where his audience is relatively minuscule but where he can post whatever lies and racist tropes that arise in his addled brain without constraint.

Speaking of addled brains: Earlier in the week, wealthy rapper and confirmed lunatic, Kanye West, offered his own anti-Semitic post on Twitter, stating he was going to “go death con 3 [sic] on JEWISH PEOPLE.” He later posted that George Floyd was not murdered but died of a Fentanyl overdose (a racist trope that was disproved at trial). West was banned from Twitter and restricted on Instagram for his remarks, but he immediately announced that he was going to buy the troubled wanna-be-Twitter social medium, Parler.

Meanwhile, the world’s richest man, Tesla CEO Elon Musk, was nearing a final deal to take over Twitter, the most influential social medium for news and opinion in the world. Musk’s recent remarks on the war in Ukraine make it clear he is a Putin enabler, which could be a problem. Musk has also stated that when he takes over Twitter he will “reduce content moderation” and will allow “all speech that stops short of violating the law,” meaning Trump, Kanye, Marjorie Taylor Greene, and other racists currently banned from Twitter would be reinstated and allowed to spew whatever garbage they want, as long as it’s “legal.” And meaning that Truth Social, Parler, and Twitter would all be owned by egocentric billionaires. Good times.

This is nothing new, of course. American mass media has long been dominated by wealthy men who used their influential mass-media platforms to further their own ambitions and political views. In the early 20th century, William Randolph Hearst owned 30 influential newspapers that featured lurid stories on crime, corruption, politics, and sex. Hearst controlled the editorial positions and political news in his papers and is considered to have almost single-handedly influenced the United States to declare war on Spain and invade Cuba in 1898.

Little has changed. Consider Rupert Murdoch (Fox News, Wall Street Journal), Michael Bloomberg (Forbes, Business Week), Jeff Bezos (Washington Post, Amazon), and Mark Zuckerberg (Meta, Facebook, Instagram). Throw in Musk and Twitter, and that’s a lot of influence and power in the hands of five* self-interested billionaires.

Republicans, the majority of whom are now election deniers and Trump enablers, are naturally quite happy about the possibility of these three social mediums being owned by their kind of people. The official GOP House Judiciary Committee tweeted last week: “Kanye. Elon. Trump.” Not subtle, and even more disturbing when you consider that the anti-Semitic garbage Trump and Kanye posted garnered no criticism from any Republican of note.

We are three weeks out from a midterm election that no one seems to have a handle on. The polls are all over the place, with most indicating the Democrats will hold the Senate and lose the House. Still, no one knows, and accurate polling has never been more difficult. When was the last time you answered a call from an unknown number to take a poll? Democrats can take hope from this summer’s landslide pro-choice vote in deep-red Kansas, which the polls missed by double-digit percentage points. Republicans can take hope from the fact that a hypocritical, prevaricating moron like Herschel Walker is polling competitively in the Georgia Senate race, a staggering indictment of the electorate.

In addition to the election drama, Trump is facing multiple indictments in state and federal courts, with the DOJ hovering, waiting for the election to be over before making any moves in the Mar-a-Lago documents case. What we’ve learned after six years of Trump-induced chaos is that democracy is a fragile thing, and that rough water is likely still ahead. Buckle up.

*Editor’s note: In an earlier version of this story, Warren Buffett was listed as one of the billionaire newspaper owners. Buffett divested his newspaper holdings in 2020.

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Opinion The Last Word

American Oligarchs

Forbes did its first ranking of our country’s richest people in 1981. The top of the list was a shipping magnate named Daniel L. Ludwig with a fortune of more than $2 billion.

I discovered that fact in a thought-provoking New York Times article by Willy Staley about the impact our current crop of multi-billionaires is having on our society.

Adjusted for inflation, that $2 billion would be around $5.8 billion in today’s dollars. That sum made Ludwig the richest man in the United States. Today $5.8 billion would put someone in a seven-way tie for number 182 on the list.

Most people know someone they consider rich. Maybe it is someone with a business they’ll sell for several million dollars when they get ready to retire. Or a professional athlete who makes millions a year. When people talk about “the rich” in terms of the wealth-hoarding oligarchs who control industries and media companies and buy politicians, this isn’t who we’re talking about.

We live in an oligarchy. Most Americans would agree with that fact, and agree it is a problem. From the left to the QAnon folks who believe the world is ruled by ultra-wealthy, demon-worshiping pedophile cannibals yet also insist the rich should have lower taxes and less regulation of their business dealings.

Historically, we’ve generally avoided using the word “oligarch” to describe America’s ultra-rich. That changed as the war in Ukraine caused condemnation of Russian oligarchs, and people noticed how men here like Jeff Bezos, Charles Koch, Elon Musk, Rupert Murdoch, and Peter Thiel perfectly fit the definition as well.

They didn’t become oligarchs through hard work. No one does. They needed a lot of family wealth and connections before they ever worked a day in their lives. A large pile of money easily turns into a larger pile of money. Our tax laws have been rewritten over the past 40 years to help bigger and bigger piles of money shift to be possessed by an increasingly small number of people.

Any attempt to rein in our billionaires gets denounced as socialism, but we have had capitalism with much higher taxation of the ultra-rich. That is how we created a large middle-class in this country, which didn’t exist before the New Deal and has been steadily losing ground since the early ’80s when the Forbes list was topped by a guy with $2 billion.

The beauty of a high tax rate for top earners was that it didn’t even require government to redistribute wealth. Anything you make over your first $500,000 in annual income will be taxed at 90 percent? Might as well spend those additional profits on hiring more people and giving them more pay and better benefits and working conditions. If inflation means there is too much money chasing too few goods, worry about the people who have more money than they know what to do with, not the people who are struggling.

I don’t envy our oligarchs. They don’t seem to be leading happy lives. When I think of people who seem genuinely happy, to me, they are people who seem grateful they have enough, not people who always want more. We’ve created a society where most people feel like they need more, whether they have nothing or everything. The result has been skyrocketing rates of depression, suicide, addiction, and overdoses.

Oligarchs are natural enemies of democracy. A clear majority of Americans want things like universal health insurance. Our ruling class doesn’t want that, and has made sure we don’t get it. Universal health insurance allows normal people to leave big companies to start their own businesses.

Unfortunately the elite have mastered the reverse psychology of telling people, “Here is what the elite don’t want you to think …” They control both sides of the argument. They tell people “the elite” are teachers, professors, beat journalists, and scientists. They get to frame corporate media like CNN as “the left” and the far-right as the alternative. They love giving money to centrist Democrats. They can always count on them to advance right-wing economics when Democrats are in power, while giving Republicans a chance to say, “Look what the radical socialists are doing to you.”

Our oligarchs don’t want young people learning about the amount of racism embedded in our society since our country’s founding. Racism was and still is a valuable tool for keeping poor white workers in their place. The Old South was a terrible place for white workers. But racism was so effective that impoverished white Southerners got duped into dying for plantation owners in the Civil War. Men who never owned an inch of land were willing to waste their lives to protect the fortunes of aristocrats who looked down on them. So don’t be surprised that someone buried in debt today will take five minutes to dash out a tweet in defense of whichever billionaire is currently masquerading as their champion against the elite.

Craig David Meek is a Memphis writer, barbecue connoisseur, and the author of Memphis Barbecue: A Succulent History of Smoke, Sauce & Soul.

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Letter From The Editor Opinion

Irony Week

Every so often, like a recurring skit on Saturday Night Live, there is talk from this administration about an “Infrastructure Week” — several days (one presumes) where the focus would be on improving the nation’s bridges and power grid and highways and such. It never works out, mainly because nothing survives in the news cycle longer than 24 hours these days, least of all “news” about fixing bridges. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

On the few occasions the administration has trotted out this gambit, events have always intervened — a fresh scandal, an errant tweet, some children getting put in cages, the president insulting a foreign leader, a new mass shooting, a “riot,” an invading “caravan,” golf, you name it. The truth is, you can’t really name a week after anything any more, but I’m going to try anyway. Even if it’s just in hindsight. I’m declaring the past seven days as “Irony Week.”

Let’s begin with Major League Baseball, which, after much wrangling with players, management, and owners, finally came up with a plan for a much-shortened, 60-game season. All the players would be regularly tested. Games would be played in empty stadiums. Sure, teams would be flying all over the country and maybe walking through airports and staying in hotels, but hey, it’s going to be great. Baseball is back, baby! (Except Canada won’t let teams play in Toronto’s stadium, because Americans are kinda, well, not welcome to fly into anywhere these days.)

That plan lasted five days before a dozen members of the Florida (duh) Marlins came down with the virus. Several games were canceled, but MLB officials said the season would go on. Because, surely, this won’t happen again. Play ball!

Things were a little better over in the NBA, where teams deemed worthy of playoff contention were put into a “bubble” at Walt Disney World in Orlando to finish the season that was aborted in March. Players and officials are not allowed into the outside world: no travel, no airports, no chance of the disease wrecking the season. Except for when, oops, the league let L.A. Clippers guard Lou Williams leave the bubble to attend a funeral in Atlanta and Lou decided he needed some wings from the Magic City strip club before returning. Which is pretty much peak-NBA.

Williams got a 10-day quarantine, and surely nothing like that will ever happen again. Ever. But just to be safe, the NBA should go ahead and construct a strip club at Walt Disney World. Call it the Magic Kinkdom. Or is that taken?

National COVID expert Deborah Birx was in Nashville this week. You may know Dr. Birx as the “scarf lady” because of her seemingly boundless stash of neck-wraps, which she uses to cover her face when the president says something stupid about COVID. I kid. Anyway, the good doctor was in Tennessee to urge mayors to mandate the wearing of masks in their cities because (after weeks of push-back) the Trump administration has finally recognized what their own Centers for Disease Control (CDC) has been saying for weeks: Masks help flatten the curve and control the spread of COVID.

Standing next to her on the podium was our own Governor Bill Lee, who at that very moment could have backed up Birx’ suggestion to the mayors of his state. But he didn’t because he’s a right-wing ideologue who thinks people should be able to decide for themselves whether or not to wear masks in public. You might say he’s pro-choice when it comes to masks. And you might say he’s an idiot.

Speaking of … You may have missed Tennessee state Senator Frank Nicely’s attempt at Twitter humor this week. He went after the Lincoln Project, a group of Republicans opposed to Trump’s re-election. “The only thing you have in common with Lincoln,” Nicely wrote, “is the make of the car in the parking lot …” Semi-solid dad-joke burn. 

I wondered if Nicely had a history with the Lincoln Project, so I googled “Nicely, Lincoln” and the first articles to come up were about Nicely claiming that Abraham Lincoln liked cock-fighting. Turns out that Nicely is a big fan of forcing roosters to claw each other to death with razor-like spurs and cited Lincoln as a co-cock-fighting cognoscenti. All I can say is that if you google yourself and the first reference is to “cock-fighting,” you’ve got problems. Also, for the record, Nicely lied. Lincoln wasn’t into cock-fighting.

Other short takes from Irony Week: Arkansas state senator, homophobe, and COVID hoaxer Jason Rapert came down with a serious case of the virus this week. Hopefully, he’ll have some nice LGBTQ nurses and doctors in the hospital with him to help him recover from the hoax.

Billionaire creep Elon Musk, whose wealth has gone up $46 billion in the past four months, often with help from state and federal incentives, tweeted that “another government stimulus package is not in the best interests of the American people.”

And the CDC, which had sensible guidelines in place for when schools should reopen, was forced by the administration to issue a boilerplate statement urging the nation’s schools to reopen, no matter what. Another once-respected federal agency gutted and turned into a political tool. Remember that National Weather Service map with Trump’s sharpie-drawn hurricane path? Yeah, like that.

Finally, Irony Week would not be complete without pointing out the strange phenomenon of a president who felt it necessary to spend time in three television interviews bragging about how he “aced” a dementia test.

Man. Woman. Person. Camera. TV. Irony.