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The Cheat Sheet

Ophelia Ford admits that she has a permit to carry a handgun. In a typically rambling statement to reporters, she claims she got a gun because she had a “paranoid schizophrenic crazy” husband. As a result, “he’s my bed partner.” We think she was talking about the gun. But she divorced that husband, and then “I put the honey away.” Again, we think she was talking about the gun. And we think we’ve found the new spokesperson for the National Rifle Association.

Greg Cravens

Eighteen years ago, Rickey Peete resigned from the City Council in the face of an extortion scandal — accused of taking bribes handed to him under the table (literally) at a Shoney’s. Last week, Peete resigned again, again following a scandal, and again involving bribes. He rebounded from that first conviction with a re-Peete. Let’s hope we skip a three-Peete.

Robert F.X. Sillerman, who owns the majority of Elvis Presley’s estate, announces that he wants to spend $250 million to upgrade Graceland and the surrounding area, as just one step in his plan to double attendance at the mansion. Sillerman’s company, CKX, also owns the rights to Muhammad Ali and American Idol, so the man obviously knows a thing or two about marketing. But if it involves that Sanjaya fellow, then we want nothing to do with it.

Presidential hopeful John McCain visits Memphis and drops a hint that, if elected president, he wouldn’t mind having a rather well-known Memphian named Fred Smith as a member of his cabinet. No word yet on how Smith feels about that, but quite frankly, we need him here to run FedEx.

Arun Gandhi, grandson of Mahatma Gandhi, announces he will move his M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence from Memphis to Rochester, New York. Considering all the crime in this city recently, who can blame him?

Categories
News The Fly-By

Fly on the Wall

Weird Headline

Two questions: Who in the name of great Caesar’s ghost is writing headlines for The Daily News, and what can be done to stop them? On Tuesday, April 24th, the paper printed a news brief headlined to attract the attention of imaginary sports enthusiasts and fans of inexplicably popular bands. The article “Bowling for Soup” chronicled the various actions being taken to determine whether or not Liberty Bowl Memorial Stadium should be replaced. The story had nothing to do with bowling, soup, or hangovers you don’t deserve.

Memphis Mammaries

This week marks the end of a brief, bizarre, and modestly troubling era. Strip-club owner Charles “Jerry” Westlund has finally agreed to take down a controversial billboard northbound on US 61 between Tunica and Memphis. Now bleary-eyed travelers returning to Memphis after a long night of drinking and dice will no longer be subjected to Westlund’s sign, which reads, “Got Boobs?” So much for roadside attractions.

Return to Sender

Elvis Presley Enterprises, hoping to make Graceland a tourist attraction comparable to America’s larger theme parks, recently announced a new advertising campaign. EPE’s CMO Paul Jankowski has been quoted as saying, “The Discover Your Inner Elvis campaign will be used … to support [Graceland’s] worldwide branding strategy.” So Graceland hopes a catchphrase will help it compete with Six Flags, eh? Didn’t the caretakers of Elvis’ estate just blow a golden opportunity to buy Elvis’ favorite roller coaster dirt-cheap?

Correction

After last week’s Fly mentioned a WMC news story, the station’s good-natured anchor Joe Birch wrote in to complain that the accompanying picture was not an accurate representation of his current hairstyle (see Letters to the Editor).

We regret the hairor.