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Astrology Fun Stuff

Free Will Astrology: Week of 11/14/24

ARIES (March 21-April 19): You may be on the verge of the breakthrough I prophesied a while back. Remember? I said you would be searching for the solution to a boring problem, and on the way you would discover a more interesting and useful problem. That exact scenario is about to happen. I also predict that the coming weeks will be a time when you tame an out-of-control aspect of your life and infuse more wildness into an overly tame part of you. I will speculate on one further stroke of good fortune: You will attract an influence that motivates you to be more passionately pragmatic about one of your key dreams.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): It’s time for some friendly warnings that will, if heeded, enable you to avoid problematic developments. 1. An overhaul in your self-image is looming; your persona requires tinkering. 2. Old boundaries are shifting and in some places disappearing. Be brave and draw up new boundaries. 3. Familiar allies may be in a state of flux. Help them find their new centers of gravity. 4. Potential future allies will become actual allies if you are bold in engaging them. 5. Be allergic to easy answers and simplistic solutions. Insist on the wisdom of uncertainty.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): To honor and celebrate your melancholy, I’m turning this horoscope over to Gemini author T. H. White and his superb formulation of the redemptive power of sadness. He wrote: “The best thing for being sad is to learn something. That is the only thing that never fails. You may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honor trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then — to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting.”

CANCER (June 21-July 22): A Massachusetts woman named Andrea Martin loves chickens so much she treats them as family. A few years ago, she took pity on one of her favorites, a young bird named Cecily, who had been born with a damaged tendon in one of her legs. Martin arranged to have the limb amputated. Then she made a prosthetic device on a 3D printer and had it surgically grafted onto Cecily’s body. Success! The $2,500 cost was well worth it, she testified. I propose we make Andrea Martin one of your role models for the coming weeks. May she inspire you to take extra good care of and shower bonus blessings on everyone and everything you love. (PS: This will be really good for your own health.)

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Once a year, the city of Seoul in South Korea stages a Space-Out Festival. Participants compete to do absolutely nothing for 90 minutes. They are not allowed to fall asleep, talk, or check their phones. To test how well they are banishing stress, burnout, and worries, their heart rates are monitored. The winner is the person who has the slowest and most stable pulse. If there were an event like this in your part of the world sometime soon, Leo, I’d urge you to join in. I expect the winner would be a member of your astrological tribe, as you Leos now have a high potential for revitalizing relaxation. Even if you don’t compete in a Space-Out Festival, I hope you will fully cash in on this excellent chance to recharge your spiritual batteries.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): My favorite Virgos love to learn. They are eager to add to their knowledge. They have a highly honed curiosity that is always percolating, continually drawing them towards new comprehension. On the other hand, some of my favorite Virgos are inefficient at shedding long-held ideas and information that no longer serve them. As a result, their psyches may get plugged up, interfering with their absorption of fun new input. That’s why I recommend that you Virgos engage in regular purges of your mental debris. Now would be an excellent time for one of these sessions. (PS: The futurist Alvin Toffler said that a key to intelligence is the ability to learn, unlearn, and relearn. I invite you to act on that counsel.)

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): I endorse Libran tennis star Serena Williams’ approach to self-evaluation — especially for you right now. She testified, “I’m really exciting. I smile a lot, I win a lot, and I’m really sexy.” I’m convinced you have the right to talk like that in the coming weeks — so convinced that I suggest you use it as a mantra and prayer. When you wake up each morning, say what Williams said. When you’re asking life for a sweet breakthrough or big favor, remind life why it should give you what you want. Feel free to add other brags, too, like, “I’m a brilliant thinker, a persuasive negotiator, and a crafty communicator.”

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You are entering a phase when you can acquire more mastery in the arts of self-care and self-sufficiency. I hope you will become more skillful in giving yourself everything that nurtures your emotional and physical health. Have you gathered all you need to know about that subject? Probably not. Most of us haven’t. But the coming weeks will be a favorable time to make this your main research project. By the way, now is also an excellent time to kick your own ass and unbreak your own heart.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): My father was a big fan of the military. As a young man, he served as a lieutenant in the army and for a time considered making that job his career. I’m the opposite of him. I keenly avoided becoming a soldier and have always been passionately anti-war. I bring this subject to your attention because I think now is an excellent time for you to get clearer than ever about how you don’t resemble your parents and don’t want to be like them. Meditate on why your life is better and can get even better by not following their paths and ways. There’s no need to do this with anger and blame. In fact, the healthiest approach is to be lucid, calm, and dispassionate.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): At age 49, James Patterson retired from his job as an advertising writer. Until then, he had produced a few novels in his spare time. But once free of his 9-to-5 gig, he began churning out books at a rapid pace. Now, at age 77, he has published over 305 million copies of 200-plus novels, including 67 that have been #1 New York Times bestsellers. Would you like to make an almost equally memorable transition, Capricorn? The coming weeks and months will be an excellent time to plan it and launch it.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): The Breakfast Club was an iconic 1985 film about teenagers coming of age. Critics liked it. At the box office, it earned 100 times more than it cost to make. Aquarian director John Hughes wrote the screenplay for the 97-minute movie in two days, on July 4th and 5th of 1982. I predict that many of you Aquarians will have a similar level of productivity in the coming weeks. You could create lasting improvements and useful goodies in short bursts of intense effort.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Ben & Jerry’s is a wildly successful ice cream maker that sells its products all over the world. Its founders are two Pisceans who met in seventh grade. Over 45 years since they launched their business, they have become renowned for their wide variety of innovative flavors and their political activism. When they first decided to work together, though, their plans were to start a bagel business. They only abandoned that idea when they discovered how expensive the bagel-making equipment was. I suspect that you are near a comparable pivot in your life, Pisces: a time to switch from one decent project to an even better one. 

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Astrology Fun Stuff

Free Will Astrology: Week of 10/31/24

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Many people believe in the existence of ghosts. If you’re not yet one of them, you may be soon. The spirit world is more open than usual to your curiosity and explorations. Keep in mind, though, that the contacts you make might not be with ghosts in the usual sense of that term. They might be deceased ancestors coming to deliver clues and blessings. They could be angels, guardian spirits, or shapeshifting messengers. Don’t be afraid. Some may be weird, but they’re not dangerous. Learn what you can from them, but don’t assume they’re omniscient and infallible. Halloween costume suggestion: one of your ancestors.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): When you attended kindergarten, did you ever share your delicious peanut butter and jelly sandwich with friends who didn’t like the broccoli and carrots in their lunch boxes? If so, you may be well-primed to capitalize on the opportunities now in your vicinity. Your generous actions will be potent catalysts for good luck. Your eagerness to bestow blessings and share your resources will bring you rewards. Your skill at enhancing other people’s fortunes may attract unexpected favors. Halloween costume suggestion: philanthropist, charity worker, or an angel who gives away peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): For you, dear Gemini, the coming weeks could be the least superstitious time ever. There will be no such thing as bad luck, good luck, or weird luck. Fears rooted in old misunderstandings will be irrelevant. Irrational worries about unlikely outcomes will be disproven. You will discover reasons to shed paranoid thoughts and nervous fantasies. Speaking on behalf of your higher self, I authorize you to put your supple trust in logical thinking, objective research, and rational analysis. Halloween costume suggestion: a famous scientist you respect.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Which sign of the zodiac is sexiest? Smoldering Scorpios, who are so inherently seductive they don’t even have to try to be? Radiant Leos, whose charisma and commanding presence may feel irresistible? Electrifying Aries, who grab our attention with their power to excite and inspire us? In accordance with current astrological omens, I name you Cancerians as the sexiest sign for the next three weeks. Your emotional potency and nurturing intelligence will tempt us to dive into the depths with you and explore the lyrical mysteries of intimate linkage. Halloween costume suggestion: sex god, sex goddess, or the nonbinary Hindu deity Ardhanarishvara.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): In ancient Egypt, onions were precious because they symbolized the many-layered nature of life. Just as some modern people swear oaths while placing a hand on a Bible, an Egyptian might have pledged a crucial vow while holding an onion. Would you consider adopting your own personal version of their practice in the coming weeks, Leo? It is the oath-taking season for you — a time when you will be wise to consider deep commitments and sacred resolutions. Halloween costume suggestion: a spiritual initiate or devotee.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Two of the world’s most famous paintings are the Mona Lisa and The Last Supper. Both were made by Leonardo da Vinci (1452–1519), one of the world’s most famous painters. Yet the brilliant artist left us with only 24 paintings in total, many of which were unfinished. Why? Here are two of several reasons: He worked slowly and procrastinated constantly. In the coming months, Virgo, I feel you will have resemblances to the version of da Vinci who created The Last Supper and the Mona Lisa. Some of your best, most enduring work will bloom. You will be at the peak of your unique powers. Halloween costume suggestion: Leonardo da Vinci or some great maestro.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): “When you are faced with a choice between two paths, it’s always better to take the most difficult one.” What!? No! That’s not true! A shamanic psychotherapist gave me that bad advice when I was young, and I am glad I did not heed it. My life has been so much better because I learn from joy and pleasure as much as from hardship. Yes, sometimes it’s right to choose the most challenging option, but on many occasions, we are wise to opt for what brings fun adventures and free-flowing opportunities for creative expression. That’s what I wish for you right now. Halloween costume suggestion: a hedonist, a liberator, a bliss specialist.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Scorpio painter Pablo Picasso has been described as a “masterfully erratic pioneer.” He influenced every art movement of the 20th century. His painting Guernica is a renowned anti-war statement. Though he was a Communist, he amassed great wealth and owned five homes. Today, his collected work is valued at over $800 million. By the way, he was the most prolific artist who ever lived, producing almost 150,000 pieces. I nominate him to be your role model in the coming weeks. You are due for a Season of Successful Excess. Halloween costume suggestion: an eccentric, charismatic genius.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Sagittarian Keith Richards, guitar player for the Rolling Stones since 1962, is a gritty, rugged man notorious for his rowdy carousing. Lots of observers predicted he would die at a young age because of his boisterous lifestyle, yet today he is 81 years old and still partying. But here’s his confession: “I never sleep alone. If there is no one to sleep next to, I’ll sleep next to a stuffed animal. It makes me feel secure and safe. It’s a little embarrassing to admit it. It’s important to me, though.” I bring this up, Sagittarius, because I feel that no matter how wild and free you are, you will be wise to ensure that you feel extra secure and supported for a while. Halloween costume suggestion: a stuffed animal or a lover of stuffed animals.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Halloween offers us a valuable psychological opportunity. We can pretend to perform our shadowy, wounded, and unripe qualities without suffering the consequences of literally acting them out. We can acknowledge them as part of our make-up, helping to ensure they won’t develop the explosive, unpredictable power that repressed qualities can acquire. We may even gently mock our immature qualities with sly humor, diminishing the possibility they will sabotage us. All that’s a preamble for my Halloween costume suggestion for you: a dictator or tyrant. If you have fun playing with your control-freak fantasies, you will be less likely to over-express them in real life.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Paganism and astrology have key affinities. For instance, they both understand that our personal rhythms are connected with the Earth’s cycles. I bring this to your attention because we are in the season that pagans call Samhain, halfway between the equinox and solstice. For Aquarians, this festival marks a time when you are wise to honor and nurture your highest ambitions. You can generate fun and good fortune by focusing on lofty goals that express your finest talents and offer your most unique gifts. How might you boost your passion and capacity to make your mark on the world? Halloween costume suggestion: your dream career.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): I like how you are opening, widening, and heightening! Keep up the good work, Pisces! I am cheering you on as you amplify, stretch, augment, and burgeon. Here’s a small alert, though: You may be expanding so fast and so far that it’s a challenge for less expansive people to keep up — even your allies. To allay their worries, be generous in sharing the fruits of your thriving spaciousness. Let them know you don’t require them to match your rate of growth. You could also show them this horoscope. Halloween costume suggestion: a broader, brighter, bolder version of yourself. 

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Astrology Fun Stuff

Free Will Astrology: Week of 10/24/24

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Secrets and hidden agendas have been preventing you from getting an accurate picture of what’s actually happening. But you now have the power to uncover them. I hope you will also consider the following bold moves: 1. Seek insights that could be the key to your future sexiness. 2. Change an aspect of your life you’ve always wanted to change but have never been able to. 3. Find out how far you can safely go in exploring the undersides of things. 4. Help your allies in ways that will ultimately inspire them to help you.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): From the early 1910s to the late 1920s, silent films were the only kind of films that were made. The proper technology wasn’t available to pair sounds with images. “Talking pictures,” or “talkies,” finally came into prominence in the 1930s. Sadly, the majority of silent films, some of which were fine works of art, were poorly preserved or only exist now in second- or third-generation copies. I’m meditating on this situation as a metaphor for your life, Taurus. Are there parts of your history that seem lost, erased, or unavailable? The coming weeks will be an excellent time to try to recover them. Remembering and reviving your past can be a potent healing agent.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): An old proverb tells us, “You must run toward the future and catch it. It is not coming to meet you, but is fleeing from you, escaping into the unknown.” This adage isn’t true for you at all right now, Gemini. In fact, the future is dashing toward you from all directions. It is not shy or evasive, but is eager to embrace you and is full of welcoming energy. How should you respond? I recommend you make yourself very grounded. Root yourself firmly in an understanding of who you are and what you want. Show the future clearly which parts of it you really want and which parts are uninteresting to you.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Early in his musical career, Cancerian innovator Harry Partch played traditional instruments and composed a regular string quartet. But by age 29, he was inventing and building novel instruments that had never before been used. Among the materials he used in constructing his Zymo-Xyl, Eucal Blossom, and Chromelodeon were tree branches, light bulbs, and wine bottles. I’m inviting you to enter into a Harry Partch phase of your cycle, Cancerian. The coming weeks will be an excellent time to express your unique genius — whether that’s in your art, your business, your personal life, or any other sphere where you love to express your authentic self.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Life’s unpredictable flow will bring you interesting new blessings if you revamp your fundamentals. Listen closely, Leo, because this is a subtle turn of events: A whole slew of good fortune will arrive if you joyfully initiate creative shifts in your approaches to talking, walking, exercising, eating, sleeping, meditating, and having fun. These aren’t necessarily earth-shaking transformations. They may be as delicate and nuanced as the following: 1. adding amusing words to your vocabulary; 2. playfully hopping and skipping as you stroll along; 3. sampling new cuisines; 4. keeping a notebook or recorder by your bed to capture your dreams; 5. trying novel ways to open your mind and heart; 6. seeking fresh pleasures that surprise you.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): In an old Irish folk tale, the fairies give a queen a crystal cauldron with special properties. If anyone speaks three falsehoods in its presence, it cracks into three fragments. If someone utters three hearty truths while standing near it, the three pieces unite again. According to my metaphorical reading of your current destiny, Virgo, you are now in the vicinity of the broken cauldron. You have expressed one restorative truth, and need to proclaim two more. Be gently brave and bold as you provide the healing words.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Let’s review the highlights of the recent months. First, you expanded your perspective, blew your mind, and raised your consciousness. That was fabulous! Next, you wandered around half-dazed and thoroughly enchanted, pleased with your new freedom and spaciousness. That, too, was fantastic! Then, you luxuriously indulged in the sheer enjoyment of your whimsical explorations and experimentations. Again, that was marvelous! Now you’re ready to spend time integrating all the teachings and epiphanies that have surged into your life in recent months. This might be less exciting, but it’s equally important.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): As a teenager, I loved the music of Jefferson Airplane. I recall sitting on the couch in my New Jersey home and listening to their albums over and over again. Years later, I was performing on stage at a San Francisco nightclub with my band, World Entertainment War. In the audience was Paul Kantner, a founding member of Jefferson Airplane. After the show, he came backstage and introduced himself. He said he wanted his current band, Jefferson Starship, to cover two of my band’s songs on his future album. Which he did. I suspect you will soon experience a comparable version of my story, Scorpio. Your past will show up bearing a gift for your future. A seed planted long ago will finally blossom.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): My horoscopes are directed toward individuals, not groups. Yet it’s impossible to provide oracles about your personal destiny without considering the collective influences that affect you. Every day, you are impacted by the culture you live in. For instance, you encounter news media that present propaganda as information and regard cynicism as a sign of intellectual vigor. You live on a planet where the climate is rapidly changing, endangering your stability and security. You are not a narrow-minded bigot who doles out hatred toward those who are unlike you, but you may have to deal with such people. I bring this to your attention, Sagittarius, because now is an excellent time to take an inventory of the world’s negative influences — and initiate aggressive measures to protect yourself from them. Even further, I hope you will cultivate and embody positive alternatives.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): I suspect you will be extra attractive, appealing, and engaging in the coming weeks. You may also be especially convincing, influential, and inspirational. What do you plan to do with all this potency? How will you wield your flair? Here’s what I hope: You will dispense blessings everywhere you go. You will nurture the collective health and highest good of groups and communities you are part of. PS: In unexpected ways, being unselfish will generate wonderful selfish benefits.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Do you fantasize about being a masterful manager of your world? Have you imagined the joy of being the supreme sovereign of your holy destiny? Do you love the idea of rebelling against anyone who imagines they have the right to tell you what you should do and who you are? If you answered yes to those questions, I have excellent news, Aquarius: You are now primed to take exciting steps to further the goals I described. Here’s a helpful tip: Rededicate yourself to the fulfillment of your two deepest desires. Swear an oath to that intention.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): The Liberation Season is here. How can you take maximum advantage of the emancipatory energies? Here are suggestions: 1. Plan adventures to frontier zones. 2. Sing and dance in the wilderness. 3. Experiment with fun and pleasure that are outside your usual repertoire. 4. Investigate what it would mean for you to be on the vanguard of your field. 5. Expand your understandings of sexuality. 6. Venture out on a pilgrimage. 7. Give yourself permission to fantasize extravagantly. 8. Consider engaging in a smart gamble. 9. Ramble, wander, and explore. 

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Free Will Astrology: Week of 10/17/24

ARIES (March 21-April 19): As a young adult, I lived in a shack in the North Carolina woods. I was too indigent to buy a car or bicycle, so I walked everywhere I needed to go. Out of necessity, I discovered the practical power of psychic protection. I envisioned myself being surrounded by an impenetrable violet force field and accompanied by the guardian spirits of a panther, wolf, and bear. This playful mystical practice kept me safe. Though I was regularly approached by growling dogs and drunk scoundrels in pickup trucks, I was never attacked. Now would be an excellent time for you to do what I did: put strong psychic protection in place. You’re not in physical danger, but now is a good time to start shielding yourself better against people’s manipulative gambits, bad moods, emotional immaturity, and careless violations.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “Dear Rob: I once heard you say that the best method for solving any dilemma is to sit silently, calm my mind, and listen for the ‘still, small voice of the teacher within me.’ I have tried your advice, but I have never detected this voice. What am I doing wrong? — Deprived Taurus.” Dear Taurus: Here’s how to become available for guidance from the still, small voice of your inner teacher. 1. Go someplace quiet, either in nature or a beloved sanctuary. 2. Shed all your ideas and theories about the nature of your dilemma. 3. Tenderly ask your mind to be empty and serene as you await an intuition. 4. Feel sweet gratitude for each breath as you inhale and exhale. 5. Visualize your inner teacher smiling. 6. Make yourself expectant to receive an insightful blessing.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): In the parlance of people who love to trek in natural places, a “cobbknocker” refers to a hiker who precedes you and knocks down the spider webs crossing the trail. I would love for you to procure a similar service for all your adventures in the coming weeks, not just hiking. See if you can coax or hire helpers to clear a path for you in everything you do. I want you to be able to concentrate on the essentials and not get bogged down or distracted by trivial obstructions. You need spaciousness and ease.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): When you are at your Cancerian best, you nurture others but don’t smother them with excessive care. You give your gifts without undermining your own interests. You are deeply receptive and sensitive without opening yourself to be abused or wounded. In my astrological estimation, you are currently expressing these qualities with maximum grace and precision. Congratulations on your ever-ripening emotional intelligence! I trust you will be rewarded with grateful favors.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Here’s the deal that life is offering: You temporarily suspend your drive to possess crystalline certainty, and you agree to love and thrive on ambiguity and paradox. In return, you will be given help in identifying unconscious and hidden factors at work in your destiny. You will be empowered to make confident decisions without needing them to be perfect. And you will learn more about the wise art of feeling appreciative reverence for great mysteries.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): I once had a Virgo girlfriend. She was talented, hardworking, meticulous, organized, health-conscious, and resourceful. She also hated it if I neglected to put the jar of honey back in the cupboard immediately after using it. She would get upset if I neglected to remove my shoes as soon as I entered the house. Her fussy perfectionism wasn’t the reason we ultimately broke up, but it did take a toll on me. I bring this to your attention because I hope you will mostly keep fussy perfectionism to yourself in the coming weeks. It’s fine if you want to indulge it while alone and doing your own work, but don’t demand that others be equally fastidious. Providing this leeway now will serve you well in the long run. You can earn slack and generate good will that comes in handy when you least expect it.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Your bulboid corpuscles are specialized nerve cells in your skin that can experience intense tactile pleasure — more so than any other nerve cells. They are located in your lips, tongue, and genitals. According to my analysis of your astrological potentials, these ultra-sensitive receptors will be turned on extra high in the coming weeks. So will their metaphysical and metaphorical equivalents. That’s why I predict you will gather in more bliss than you have in a long time. Please give yourself permission to exceed your usual quota.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Once upon a time, you were more hazardous to yourself than you are now. I’m pleased about the progress you have made to treat yourself with greater care and compassion. It hasn’t been easy. You had to learn mysterious secrets about dealing with your inner troublemaker. You had to figure out how to channel its efforts into generating benevolent and healing trouble. There’s still more work to be done, though. Your inner troublemaker isn’t completely redeemed and reformed. But you now have a chance to bring it more fully into its destined role as your ally and helper.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): I predict that your past will soon transform. You may discover new details about old events. Stories you have told and told about your history will acquire new meanings. You will be wise to reinterpret certain plot twists you thought you had figured out long ago. There may not be anything as radical as uncovering wild secrets about your true origins — although I wouldn’t discount that possibility. So expect a surprise or two, Sagittarius. But I suspect you will ultimately be pleased to revise your theories about how you came to be the resilient soul you are now.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Of all the astrological signs, Capricorns are least likely to consult horoscopes. There are many skeptical people among your tribe who say, “Astrology is irrational and illogical. It can’t be precise and accurate, so it’s not even real.” My personal research also suggests, however, that a surprising percentage of Capricorns pretend not to be drawn to astrology even though they actually are. They may even hide their interest from others. How do I feel about all this? It doesn’t affect me as I compose your oracles. I love you as much as the other signs, and I always give you my best effort. Now I suggest that in the coming weeks, you do what I do: Give your utmost in every situation, even if some people are resistant to or doubtful of your contributions. Be confident as you offer your excellence.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You are ready to graduate to a higher octave of maturity and wisdom about everything related to love, romance, and sex. It will be instructive to meditate on your previous experiences. So I invite you to ruminate on the following questions. 1. What important lessons have you learned about the kind of togetherness you want? 2. What important lessons have you learned about the kind of togetherness you don’t want? 3. What important lessons have you learned about how to keep yourself emotionally healthy while in an intimate relationship?

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Are you longing to feel safe, cozy, and unperturbable? Are you fantasizing about how perfect life would be if you could seal yourself inside your comfort zone and avoid novelty and change for a while? I hope not, Pisces! By my astrological reckoning, you are due for a phase of experimentation and expansion. You will thrive on the challenges of big riddles and intriguing teases. Please take full advantage of this fun opportunity to hone your intuition and move way beyond random guesswork. For extra credit: Prove the theory that it’s very possible to cultivate and attract good luck. 

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Astrology Fun Stuff

Free Will Astrology: Week of 10/10/24

ARIES (March 21-April 19): In the coming weeks, you may be tempted to spar and argue more than usual. You could get sucked into the fantasy that it would make sense to wrangle, feud, and bicker. But I hope you sublimate those tendencies. The same hot energy that might lead to excessive skirmishing could just as well become a driving force to create robust harmony and resilient unity. If you simply dig further into your psyche’s resourceful depths, you will discover the inspiration to bargain, mediate, and negotiate with élan. Here’s a bold prediction: Healing compromises hammered out now could last a long time.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Question #1: “What subjects do you talk about to enchant and uplift a person who’s important to you?” Answer #1: “You talk about the feelings and yearnings of the person you hope to enchant and uplift.” Question #2: “How do you express your love with maximum intelligence?” Answer #2: “Before you ask your allies to alter themselves to enhance your relationship, you ask yourself how you might alter yourself to enhance your relationship.” Question #3: “What skill are you destined to master, even though it’s challenging for you to learn?” Answer #3: “Understanding the difference between supple passion and manic obsession.”

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): In 1819, Gemini entrepreneur François-Louis Cailler became the first chocolatier to manufacture chocolate bars. His innovation didn’t save any lives, cure any disease, or fix any injustice. But it was a wonderful addition to humanity’s supply of delights. It enhanced our collective joy and pleasure. In the coming months, dear Gemini, I invite you to seek a comparable addition to your own personal world. What novel blessing might you generate or discover? What splendid resource can you add to your repertoire?

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Ayurnamat is a word used by the Inuit people. It refers to when you long for the relaxed tranquility that comes from not worrying about what can’t be changed. You wish you could accept or even welcome the truth about provocative situations with equanimity. Now here’s some very good news, Cancerian. In the coming weeks, you will not just yearn for this state of calm, but will also have a heightened ability to achieve it. Congratulations! It’s a liberating, saint-like accomplishment.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Healing will be more available to you than usual. You’re extra likely to attract the help and insight you need to revive and restore your mind, soul, and body. To get started, identify two wounds or discomforts you would love to alleviate. Then consider the following actions: 1. Ruminate about what helpers and professionals might be best able to assist you. Make appointments with them. 2. Perform a ritual in which you seek blessings from your liveliest spirit guides and sympathetic ancestors. 3. Make a list of three actions you will take to make yourself feel better. 4. Treat this process not a somber struggle, but as a celebration of your mounting vitality.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): The Beatles were the best-selling band of all time and among the most influential, too. Their fame and fortune were well-earned. Many of the 186 songs they composed and recorded were beautiful, interesting, and entertaining. Yet none of four members of the band could read music. Their brilliance was intuitive and instinctual. Is there a comparable situation in your life, Virgo? A task or skill that you do well despite not being formally trained? If so, the coming months will be a good time to get better grounded. I invite you to fill in the gaps in your education.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): In 2010, Edurne Pasaban became the first woman to climb the world’s tallest 14 mountains, reaching the top of Shishapangma in China. In 2018, Taylor Demonbreun arrived in Toronto, Canada, completing a quest in which she visited every sovereign nation on the planet in 18 months. In 1924, explorer Alexandra David-Néel pulled off the seemingly impossible feat of visiting Lhasa, Tibet, when that place was still forbidden to foreigners. Be inspired by these heroes as you ruminate about what frontier adventures you will dare to enjoy during the next six months. Design a plan to get all the educational and experimental fun you need.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Alnwick Garden is an unusual network of formal gardens in northeast England. Among its many entertaining features is the Poison Garden, which hosts 100 species of toxic and harmful plants like hemlock, strychnine, and deadly nightshade. It’s the most popular feature by far. Visitors enjoy finding out and investigating what’s not good for them. In accordance with astrological omens, Scorpio, I invite you to use this as an inspirational metaphor as you take inventory of influences that are not good for you. Every now and then, it’s healthy to acknowledge what you don’t need and shouldn’t engage with.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Sagittarian Tom Rath is an inspirational author who at age 49 has managed to stay alive even though he has wrangled with a rare disease since he was 16. He writes, “This is what I believe we should all aim for: to make contributions to others’ lives that will grow infinitely in our absence. A great commonality we all share is that we only have today to invest in what could outlive us.” That’s always good advice for everyone, but it’s especially rich counsel for you Sagittarians in the coming months. I believe you will have a special capacity to dispense your best gifts those who need and want them.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Capricorn writer Susan Sontag was a public intellectual. She was an academic with a scholarly focus and an entertaining commentator on the gritty hubbub of popular culture. One of my favorite quotes by her is this one: “I like to feel dumb. That’s how I know there’s more in the world than me.” In other words, she made sure her curiosity and open-mindedness flourished by always assuming she had much more to learn. I especially recommend this perspective to you in the coming weeks.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): The Salem Witch Trials took place in Massachusetts from 1692 to 1693. They were ignorant, superstitious prosecutions of people accused of practicing witchcraft. The modern holiday known as Freethought Day happens every October 12, the anniversary of the last witch trial. The purpose of this jubilee is to encourage us to treasure objective facts, to love using logic and reason, and to honor the value of critical thinking. It’s only observed in America now, but I propose we make it a global festival. You Aquarians are my choice to host this year’s revelries in celebration of Freethought Day. You are at the peak of your ability to generate clear, astute, liberating thoughts. Show us what it looks like to be a lucid, unbiased observer of reality.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): A YouTube presenter named Andy George decided to make a chicken sandwich. But he didn’t buy the ingredients in a store. He wanted to make the sandwich from scratch. Over the next six months, he grew wheat, ground it into flour, and used it to bake bread. He milked a cow to make cheese and butter. He got sea salt from ocean water and grew a garden of lettuce, cucumber, tomato, and dill for toppings. Finally, he went to a farm, bought a chicken, and did all that was necessary to turn the live bird into meat for the sandwich. In describing his process, I’m not suggesting you do something similar. Rather, I’m encouraging you to be thorough as you solidify your foundations in the coming months. Gather resources you will need for long-term projects. Be a connoisseur of the raw materials that will assure future success in whatever way you define success. 

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Astrology Fun Stuff

Free Will Astrology: Week of 10/03/24

ARIES (March 21-April 19): During some Wiccan rituals, participants are asked, “What binds you? And what will you do to free yourself from what binds you?” I recommend this exercise to you right now, Aries. Here’s a third question: Will you replace your shackles with a weaving that inspires and empowers you? In other words, will you shed what binds you and, in its stead, create a bond that links you to an influence you treasure?

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): If I had to name the zodiac sign that other signs are most likely to underestimate, I would say Taurus. Why? Well, many of you Bulls are rather modest and humble. You prefer to let your practical actions speak louder than fine words. Your well-grounded strength is diligent and poised, not flashy. People may misread your resilience and dependability as signs of passivity. But here’s good news, dear Taurus: In the coming weeks, you will be less likely to be undervalued and overlooked. Even those who have been ignorant of your appeal may tune in to the fullness of your tender power and earthy wisdom.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): In the coming days, I invite you to work on writing an essay called “People and Things I Never Knew I Liked and Loved Until Now.” To get the project started, visit places that have previously been off your radar. Wander around in uncharted territory, inviting life to surprise you. Call on every trick you know to stimulate your imagination and break out of habitual ruts of thinking. A key practice will be to experiment and improvise as you open your heart and your eyes wide. Here’s my prophecy: In the frontiers, you will encounter unruly delights that inspire you to grow wiser.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Now is an excellent time to search for new teachers, mentors, and role models. Please cooperate with life’s intention to connect you with people and animals who can inspire your journey for the months and years ahead. A good way to prepare yourself for this onslaught of grace is to contemplate the history of your educational experiences. Who are the heroes, helpers, and villains who have taught you crucial lessons? Another strategy to get ready is to think about what’s most vital for you to learn right now. What are the gaps in your understanding that need to be filled?

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): The English language has more synonyms than any other language. That’s in part because it’s like a magpie. It steals words from many tongues, including German, French, Old Norse, Latin, and Greek, as well as from Algonquin, Chinese, Hindi, Basque, and Tagalog. Japanese may be the next most magpie-like language. It borrows from English, Chinese, Portuguese, Dutch, French, and German. In accordance with astrological possibilities, I invite you to adopt the spirit of the English and Japanese languages in the coming weeks. Freely borrow and steal influences. Be a collector of sundry inspirations, a scavenger of fun ideas, a gatherer of rich cultural diversity.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Here are my bold decrees: You are entitled to extra bonuses and special privileges in the coming weeks. The biggest piece of every cake and pie should go to you, as should the freshest wonders, the most provocative revelations, and the wildest breakthroughs. I invite you to give and take extravagant amounts of everything you regard as sweet, rich, and nourishing. I hope you will begin cultivating a skill you are destined to master. I trust you will receive clear and direct answers to at least two nagging questions.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): On those infrequent occasions when I buy a new gadget, I never read the instructions. I drop the booklet in the recycling bin immediately, despite the fact that I may not know all the fine points of using my new vacuum cleaner, air purifier, or hair dryer. Research reveals that I am typical. Ninety-two percent of all instructions get thrown away. I don’t recommend this approach to you in the coming weeks, however, whether you’re dealing with gadgets or more intangible things. You really should call on guidance to help you navigate your way through introductory phases and new experiences.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): I knew a Scorpio performance artist who did a splashy public show about private matters. She stationed herself on the rooftop of an apartment building and for 12 hours loudly described everything she felt guilty about. (She was an ex-Catholic who had been raised to regard some normal behavior as sinful.) If you, dear Scorpio, have ever felt an urge to engage in a purge of remorse, now would be an excellent time. I suggest an alternate approach, though. Spend a half hour writing your regrets on paper, then burn the paper in the kitchen sink as you chant something like the following: “With love and compassion for myself, I apologize for my shortcomings and frailties. I declare myself free of shame and guilt. I forgive myself forever.”

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Be HEARTY, POTENT, and DYNAMIC, Sagittarius. Don’t worry about decorum and propriety. Be in quest of lively twists that excite the adventurer in you. Avoid anyone who seems to like you best when you are anxious or tightly controlled. Don’t proceed as if you have nothing to lose; instead, act as if you have everything to win. Finally, my dear, ask life to bring you a steady stream of marvels that make you overjoyed to be alive. If you’re feeling extra bold (and I believe you will), request the delivery of a miracle or two.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Nineteenth-century Capricorn author Anne Brontë wrote The Tenant of Wildfell Hall, which many critics regard as the first feminist novel. It challenged contemporary social customs. The main character, Helen, leaves her husband because he’s a bad influence on their son. She goes into hiding, becoming a single mother who supports her family by creating art. Unfortunately, after the author’s death at a young age, her older sister Charlotte suppressed the publication of The Tenant of Wildfell Hall. It’s not well-known today. I bring this to your attention, Capricorn, so as to inspire you to action. I believe the coming months will be a favorable time to get the attention and recognition you’ve been denied but thoroughly deserve. Start now! Liberate, express, and disseminate whatever has been suppressed.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): What is the most important question you want to find an answer for during the next year? The coming weeks will be an excellent time to formulate that inquiry clearly and concisely. I urge you to write it out in longhand and place it in a prominent place in your home. Ponder it lightly and lovingly for two minutes every morning upon awakening and each night before sleep. (Key descriptors: “lightly and lovingly.”) As new insights float into your awareness, jot them down. One further suggestion: Create or acquire a symbolic representation of the primal question.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Scientific research suggests that some foods are more addictive than cocaine. They include pizza, chocolate, potato chips, and ice cream. The good news is that they are not as problematic for long-term health as cocaine. The bad news is that they are not exactly healthy. (The sugar in chocolate neutralizes its modest health benefits.) With these facts in mind, Pisces, I invite you to reorder your priorities about addictive things. Now is a favorable time to figure out what substances and activities might be tonifying, invigorating addictions — and then retrain yourself to focus your addictive energy on them. Maybe you could encourage an addiction to juices that blend spinach, cucumber, kale, celery, and apple. Perhaps you could cultivate an addiction to doing a pleasurable form of exercise or reading books that thrill your imagination. 

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Astrology Fun Stuff

Free Will Astrology: Week of 09/26/24

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Here comes the Hating and Mating Season. I want to help you minimize the “hating” part and maximize the “mating” part, so I will offer useful suggestions. 1. To the degree that you can, dissolve grudges and declare amnesty for intimate allies who have bugged you. 2. Ask your partners to help you manage your fears; do the same for them. 3. Propose to your collaborators that you come up with partial solutions to complicated dilemmas. 4. Do a ritual in which you and a beloved cohort praise each other for five minutes. 5. Let go of wishes that your companions would be more like how you want them to be.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Many fairy tales tell of protagonists who are assigned seemingly impossible missions. Perhaps they must carry water in a sieve or find “fire wrapped in paper” or sort a heap of wheat, barley, poppyseed, chickpeas, and lentils into five separate piles. Invariably, the star of the story succeeds, usually because they exploit some loophole, get unexpected help, or find a solution simply because they didn’t realize the task was supposedly impossible. I bring this up, Taurus, because I suspect you will soon be like one of those fairy-tale champions. Here’s a tip: They often get unexpected help because they have previously displayed kindness toward strangers or low-status characters. Their unselfishness attracts acts of grace into their lives.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20):  You are in a phase with great potential for complex, unforeseen fun. To celebrate, I’m offering descriptions of your possible superpowers. 1. The best haggler ever. 2. Smoother of wrinkles and closer of gaps. 3. Laugher in overly solemn moments. 4. Unpredictability expert. 5. Resourceful summoner of allies. 6. Crafty truth-teller who sometimes bends the truth to enrich sterile facts. 7. Riddle wrestler and conundrum connoisseur. 8. Lubricant for those who are stuck. 9. Creative destroyer of useless nonsense. 10. Master of good trickery. 11. Healer of unrecognized and unacknowledged illnesses.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Tanzanite is a rare blue and violet gemstone that is available in just one place on Earth: a five-square-mile region of Tanzania. It was discovered in 1967 and mined intensively for a few years. Geologists believed it was all tapped out. But in 2020, a self-employed digger named Saniniu Saniniu Lazier located two huge new pieces of tanzanite worth $3.4 million. Later, he uncovered another chunk valued at $2 million. I see you as having resemblances to Saniniu Lazier in the coming weeks. In my visions of your destiny, you will tap into resources that others have not been able to unearth. Or you will find treasure that has been invisible to everyone else.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Marathon foot races are regularly held worldwide. Their official length is 26.2 miles. Even fast runners with great stamina can’t finish in less than two hours. There’s a downside to engaging in this herculean effort: Runners lose up to six percent of their brain volume during a race, and their valuable gray matter isn’t fully reconstituted for eight months. Now here’s my radical prophecy for you, Leo. Unless you run in a marathon sometime soon, your brain may gain in volume during the coming weeks. At the very least, your intelligence will be operating at peak levels. It will be a good time to make key decisions.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Is there a greater waste of land than golf courses? They are typically over 150 acres in size and require huge amounts of water to maintain. Their construction may destroy precious wetlands, and their vast tracts of grass are doused with chemical pesticides. Yet there are only 67 million golfers in the world. Less than 1 percent of the population plays the sport. Let’s use the metaphor of the golf course as we analyze your life. Are there equivalents of this questionable use of resources and space? Now is a favorable time to downsize irrelevant, misused, and unproductive elements. Re-evaluate how you use your space and resources.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22):
On the morning of January 27, 1970, Libran songwriter John Lennon woke up with an idea for a new song. He spent an hour perfecting the lyrics and composing the music on a piano. Then he phoned his producer and several musicians, including George Harrison, and arranged for them to meet him at a recording studio later that day. By February 6, the song “Instant Karma” was playing on the radio. It soon sold over a million copies. Was it the fastest time ever for a song to go from a seed idea to a successful release? Probably. I envision a similar process in your life, Libra. You are in a prime position to manifest your good ideas quickly, efficiently, and effectively.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You have passed the test of the First Threshold. Congratulations, Scorpio! Give yourself a kiss. Fling yourself a compliment. Then begin your preparations for the riddles you will encounter at the Second Threshold. To succeed, you must be extra tender and ingenious. You can do it! There will be one more challenge, as well: the Third Threshold. I’m confident you will glide through that trial not just unscathed but also healed. Here’s a tip from the Greek philosopher Heraclitus: “Those who do not expect the unexpected will not find it.”

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): What development are you so ready for that you’re almost too ready? What transformation have you been preparing for so earnestly that you’re on the verge of being overprepared? What lesson are you so ripe and eager to learn that you may be anxiously interfering with its full arrival? If any of the situations I just described are applicable to you, Sagittarius, I have good news. There will be no further postponements. The time has finally arrived to embrace what you have been anticipating.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Capricorn screenwriter and TV producer Shonda Rhimes has had a spectacular career. Her company Shondaland has produced 11 prime-time TV shows, including Grey’s Anatomy and Bridgerton. She’s in the Television Hall of Fame, is one of the wealthiest women in America, and has won a Golden Globe award. As you enter into a phase when your ambitions are likely to shine extra brightly, I offer you two of her quotes. 1. “I realized a simple truth: that success, fame, and having all my dreams come true would not fix or improve me. It wasn’t an instant potion for personal growth.” 2. “Happiness comes from living as your inner voice tells you to. Happiness comes from being who you actually are instead of who you think you are supposed to be.”

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): I have performed in many poetry readings. Some have been in libraries, auditoriums, cafes, and bookstores, but others have been in unexpected places: a laundromat, a bus station, a Walmart, a grocery store, and an alley behind a thrift store. Both types of locations have been enjoyable. But the latter kind often brings the most raucous and engaging audiences, which I love. According to my analysis, you might generate luck and fun for yourself in the coming weeks by experimenting with nontypical scenarios — akin to me declaiming an epic poem on a street corner or parking lot. Brainstorm about doing what you do best in novel situations.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): I have two related oracles for you. 1. During the unfoldment of your mysterious destiny, you have had several homecomings that have moved you and galvanized you beyond what you imagined possible. Are you ready for another homecoming that’s as moving and galvanizing as those that have come before? 2. During your long life, you have gathered amazing wisdom by dealing with your pain. Are you now prepared to gather a fresh batch of wisdom by dealing with pleasure and joy? 

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Astrology Fun Stuff

Free Will Astrology: Week of 09/19/24

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Few of the vegetables grown in the 21st century are in their original wild form. Many are the result of crossbreeding carried out by humans. The intention is to increase the nutritional value of the food, boost its yield, improve its resistance to insect predators, and help it survive weather extremes. I invite you to apply the metaphor of crossbreeding to your life in the coming months. You will place yourself in maximum alignment with cosmic rhythms if you conjure up new blends. So be a mix master, Aries. Favor amalgamations and collaborations. Transform jumbles and hodgepodges into graceful composites. Make “alloy” and “hybrid” your words of power.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy,” quipped comedian Spike Milligan. I propose we make that your running joke for the next eight months. If there was ever a time when you could get rich more quickly, it would be between now and mid-2025. And the chances of that happening may be enhanced considerably if you optimize your relationship with work. What can you do now to help ensure you will be working at a well-paying job you like for years to come?

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): The World Health Organization says that 3.5 billion people in the world don’t have access to safe toilets; 2.2 billion live without safe drinking water; 2 billion don’t have facilities in their homes to wash their hands with soap and water. But it’s almost certain that you don’t suffer from these basic privations. Most likely, you get all the water you require to be secure and healthy. You have what you need to cook food and make drinks. You can take baths or showers whenever you want. You wash your clothes easily. Maybe you water a garden. I bring this to your attention because now is an excellent time to celebrate the water in your life. It’s also a favorable time to be extra fluid and flowing and juicy. Here’s a fun riddle for you: What could you do to make your inner life wetter and better lubricated?

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Cancerian rapper and actor Jaden Smith has won a few mid-level awards and has been nominated for a Grammy. But I was surprised that he said, “I don’t think I’m as revolutionary as Galileo, but I don’t think I’m not as revolutionary as Galileo.” If I’m interpreting his sly brag correctly, Jaden is suggesting that maybe he is indeed pretty damn revolutionary. I’m thrilled he said it because I love to see you Cancerians overcome your natural inclination to be overly humble and self-effacing. It’s okay with me if you sometimes push too far. In the coming weeks, I am giving you a license to wander into the frontiers of braggadocio.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Research by psychologists at Queen’s University in Canada concluded that the average human has about 6,200 thoughts every day. Other studies suggest that 75 percent of our thoughts are negative, and 95 percent are repetitive. But here’s the good news, Leo: My astrological analysis suggests that the amount of your negative and repetitive thoughts could diminish in the coming weeks. You might even get those percentages down to 35 percent and 50 percent, respectively. Just imagine how refreshed you will feel. With all that rejuvenating energy coursing through your brain, you may generate positive, unique thoughts at an astounding rate. Take maximum advantage, please!

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You have probably heard the platitude, “Be cautious about what you wish for. You might get it.” The implied warning is that if your big desires are fulfilled, your life may change in unpredictable ways that require major adjustments. That’s useful advice. However, I have often found that the “major adjustments” necessary are often interesting and healing — strenuous, perhaps, but ultimately enlivening. In my vision of your future, Virgo, the consequences of your completed goal will fit that description. You will be mostly pleased with the adaptations you must undertake in response to your success.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): The bird known as the gray-headed albatross makes long, continuous flights without touching down on the ground. I propose we nominate this robust traveler to be one of your inspirational animals in the coming months. I suspect that you, too, will be capable of prolonged, vigorous quests that unleash interesting changes in your life. I don’t necessarily mean your quests will involve literal long-distance travel. They may, but they might also take the form of vast and deep explorations of your inner terrain. Or maybe you will engage in bold efforts to investigate mysteries that will dramatically open your mind and heart.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You are in a good position and frame of mind to go hunting for a novel problem or two. I’m half-joking, but I’m also very serious. I believe you are primed to track down interesting dilemmas that will bring out the best in you and attract the educational experiences you need. These provocative riddles will ensure that boring old riddles and paltry hassles won’t bother you. Bonus prediction: You are also likely to dream up an original new “sin” that will stir up lucky fun.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Your spinning and weaving abilities will be strong in the coming weeks. I predict that your knack for creating sturdy, beautiful webs will catch the resources and influences you require. Like a spider, you must simply prepare the scenarios to attract what you need, then patiently relax while it all comes to you. Refining the metaphor further, I will tell you that you have symbolic resemblances to the spiders known as cross orb-weavers. They produce seven different kinds of silk, each useful in its own way — and in a sense, so can you. Your versatility will help you succeed in interesting ways.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Capricorn basketball player JamesOn Curry had the briefest career of anyone who ever played in America’s top professional league. Around his birthday in 2010, while a member of the Los Angeles Clippers, he appeared on the court for 3.9 seconds — and never returned. Such a short-lived effort is unusual for the Capricorn tribe — and will not characterize your destiny in the coming months. I predict you will generate an intense outpouring of your sign’s more typical expressions: durability, diligence, persistence, tenacity, resilience, determination, resolve, and steadfastness. Ready to get underway in earnest?

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): It’s a good time for you to embrace the serpent, metaphorically speaking. You may even enjoy riding and playing with and learning from the serpent. The coming weeks will also be a favorable phase for you to kiss the wind and consult with the ancestors and wrestle with the most fascinating questions you know. So get a wild look in your eyes, dear Aquarius. Dare to shed mediocre pleasures so you can better pursue spectacular pleasures. Experiment only with smart gambles and high-integrity temptations, and flee the other kinds. PS: If you challenge the past to a duel (a prospect I approve of), be well-armed with the future.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Panda bears don’t seem to enjoy having sex. The typical length of their mating encounters is from 30 seconds to two minutes. There was a dramatic exception to the rule in 2015, however. Lu Lu and Zhen Zhen, pandas living at the Sichuan Giant Panda Research Center in China, snuggled and embraced for 18 minutes. It was unprecedented. I encourage you, too, to break your previous records for tender cuddling and erotic play in the coming weeks. The longer and slower you go, the more likely it is you will generate spiritual epiphanies and awakenings. 

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Astrology Fun Stuff

Free Will Astrology: Week of 09/12/24

ARIES (March 21-April 19): One of the longest bridges in the world is the 24-mile-long Pontchartrain Causeway in Louisiana. During one eight-mile stretch, as it crosses Lake Pontchartrain, travelers can’t see land. That freaks out some of them. You might be experiencing a metaphorically similar passage these days, Aries. As you journey from one mode to the next, you may lose sight of familiar terrain for a while. My advice: Have faith, gaze straight ahead, and keep going.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): My horoscopes don’t necessarily answer questions that are foremost in your awareness. This might annoy you. But consider this: My horoscopes may nevertheless nudge you in unexpected directions that eventually lead you, in seemingly roundabout ways, to useful answers. The riddles I offer may stir you to gather novel experiences you didn’t realize you needed. Keep this in mind, Taurus, while reading the following: In the coming weeks, you can attract minor miracles and fun breakthroughs if you treat your life as an art project. I urge you to fully activate your imagination and ingenuity as you work on the creative masterpiece that is YOU.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): The Gemini musician known as Prince got an early start on his vocation. At age 7, he wrote “Funk Machine,” his first song. Have you thought recently about how the passions of your adult life first appeared in childhood? Now is an excellent time to ruminate on this and related subjects. Why? Because you are primed to discover forgotten feelings and events that could inspire you going forward. To nurture the future, draw on the past.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): You are lucky to have an opposable thumb on each of your hands. You’re not as lucky as koala bears, however, which have two opposable thumbs on each hand. But in the coming weeks, you may sometimes feel like you have extra thumbs, at least metaphorically. I suspect you will be extra dexterous and nimble in every way, including mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. You could accomplish wonders of agility. You and your sexy soul may be extra supple, lithe, and flexible. These superpowers will serve you well if you decide to improvise and experiment, which I hope you will.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): The internet is filled with wise quotes that are wrongly attributed. Among those frequently cited as saying words they didn’t actually say, Buddha is at the top of the list. There are so many fraudulent Buddha quotes in circulation that there’s a website devoted to tracking them down: fakebuddhaquotes.com. Here’s an example. The following statement was articulated not by Buddha but by English novelist William Makepeace Thackeray: “The world is a looking glass. It gives back to every man a true reflection of his own thoughts.” I bring these thoughts to your attention, Leo, because it’s a crucial time for you to be dedicated to truth and accuracy. You will gain power by uncovering deceptions, shams, and misrepresentations. Be a beacon of authenticity!

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Peregrine falcons can move at a speed of 242 miles per hour. Mexican free-tailed bats reach 100 miles per hour, and black marlin fish go 80 mph. These animals are your spirit creatures in the coming weeks, Virgo. Although you can’t literally travel that fast (unless you’re on a jet), I am confident you can make metaphorical progress at a rapid rate. Your ability to transition into the next chapter of your life story will be at a peak. You will have a robust power to change, shift, and develop.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Mythically speaking, I envision a death and rebirth in your future. The death won’t be literal; neither you nor anyone you love will travel to the other side of the veil. Rather, I foresee the demise of a hope, the finale of a storyline, or the loss of a possibility. Feeling sad might temporarily be the right thing to do, but I want you to know that this ending will ultimately lead to a fresh beginning. In fact, the new blooms ahead wouldn’t be possible without the expiration of the old ways. The novel resources that arrive will come only because an old resource has faded.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Did you ever have roommates who stole your credit card and used it to buy gifts for themselves? Does your history include a friend or loved one who told you a lie that turned out to be hurtful? Did you ever get cheated on by a lover you trusted? If anything like this has happened to you, I suspect you will soon get a karmic recompense. An atonement will unfold. A reparation will come your way. A wrong will be righted. A loss will be indemnified. My advice is to welcome the redress graciously. Use it to dissolve your resentments and retire uncomfortable parts of your past.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): One of my oldest friends is Sagittarius-born Jeffrey Brown. We had rowdy fun together in our twenties. We were mad poets who loved to party. But while I went on to become an unruly rock-and-roll musician, experimental novelist, and iconoclastic astrologer, Brown worked hard to become a highly respected, award-winning journalist for the PBS Newshour, a major American TV show. Among his many successes: He has brought in-depth coverage of poetry and art to mainstream TV. How did he manage to pull off such an unlikely coup? I think it’s because he channeled his wildness into disciplined expression; he converted his raw passions into practical power; he honed and refined his creativity so it wielded great clout. In the coming months, dear Sagittarius, I urge you to make him one of your inspirational role models.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Let’s hypothesize that you will be alive, alert, and active on your hundredth birthday. If that joyous event comes to pass, you may have strong ideas about why you have achieved such marvelous longevity. I invite you to imagine what you will tell people on that momentous occasion. Which practices, feelings, and attitudes will have turned you into such a vigorous example of a strong human life? The coming weeks will be an excellent time to meditate on these matters. It will also be a favorable phase to explore new practices, feelings, and attitudes that will prolong your satisfying time here on planet Earth.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Few Americans are more famous than George Washington. He was a top military leader in the Revolutionary War before he became the country’s first president. George had a half-brother named Lawrence, who was 16 years older. Virtually no one knows about him now, but during his life, he was a renowned landowner, soldier, and politician. Historians say that his political influence was crucial in George’s rise to power. Is there anyone remotely comparable to Lawrence Washington in your life, Aquarius? Someone who is your advocate? Who works behind the scenes on your behalf? If not, go searching for them. The astrological omens say your chances are better than usual of finding such champions. If there are people like that, ask them for a special favor.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Over 15 centuries ago, Christian monks decided Fridays were unlucky. Why? Because they were the special day of the pagan Goddess Freya. Friday the 13th was extra afflicted, they believed, because it combined a supposedly evil number with the inauspicious day. And how did they get their opinion that 13 was malevolent? Because it was the holy number of the Goddess and her 13-month lunar calendar. I mention this because a Friday the 13th is now upon us. If you are afraid of the things Christian monks once feared, this could be a difficult time. But if you celebrate radical empathy, ingenious intimacy, playful eros, and fertile intuition, you will be awash in good fortune. That’s what the astrological omens tell me. 

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Astrology Fun Stuff

Free Will Astrology: Week of 09/05/24

ARIES (March 21-April 19): In 2015, a large earthquake struck Nepal, registering 7.8 on the Richter scale. It was so powerful, it shrunk Mt. Everest. I mention this, Aries, because I suspect you will generate good fortune in the coming months whenever you try to shrink metaphorical mountains. Luckily, you won’t need to resort to anything as forceful and ferocious as a massive earthquake. In fact, I think your best efforts will be persistent, incremental, and gradual. If you haven’t gotten started yet, do so now.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): We don’t know the astrological sign of Egyptian Queen Cleopatra, who ruled from 51 to 30 B.C.E. But might she have been a Taurus? What other tribe of the zodiac would indulge in the extravagance of bathing in donkey milk? Her staff kept a herd of 700 donkeys for this regimen. Before you dismiss the habit as weird, please understand that it wasn’t uncommon in ancient times. Why? Modern science has shown that donkey milk has anti-aging, anti-bacterial, and anti-inflammatory qualities. And as astrologers know, many of you Tauruses are drawn to luxurious and healing influences that also enhance beauty. I recommend you cultivate such influences with extra verve in the coming days.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): In two trillion galaxies stretched out across 93 billion light years, new stars are constantly being born. Their birth process happens in stellar nurseries, where dense clouds of gas coalesce into giant spheres of light and heat powered by the process of nuclear fusion. If you don’t mind me engaging in a bit of hyperbole, I believe that you Geminis are now immersed in a small-scale, metaphorical version of a stellar nursery. I have high hopes for the magnificence you will beget in the coming months.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): The planet Mars usually stays in your sign for less than two months every two years. But the pattern will be different in the coming months. Mars will abide in Cancer from September 5th to November 4th and then again from January 27th till April 19th in 2025. The last time the red planet made such an extended visit was in 2007 and 2008, and before that in 1992 and 1993. So what does it mean? In the least desirable scenario, you will wander aimlessly, distracted by trivial battles and unable to decide which dreams to pursue. In the best scenario, you will be blessed with a sustained, fiery devotion to your best and most beautiful ambitions.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Famous rock musicians have on occasion spiced up their live shows by destroying their instruments on stage. Kurt Cobain of the band Nirvana smashed many guitars. So did Jimi Hendrix, who even set his guitars on fire. I can admire the symbolic statement of not being overly attached to objects one loves. But I don’t recommend that approach to you in the coming weeks. On the contrary, I believe this is a time for you to express extra care for the tools, machines, and apparatus that give you so much. Polish them up, get repairs done, show them you love them. And if you need new gizmos and gear to enhance your self-expression, get them in the near future.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): In all of world history, which author has sold the most books? The answer is Agatha Christie, born under the sign of Virgo. Readers have bought over 2 billion copies of her 70-plus books. I present her as a worthy role model for you during the next nine months. In my astrological opinion, this will be your time to shine, to excel, to reach new heights of accomplishment. Along with Christie, I invite you to draw encouragement and inspiration from four other Virgo writers who have flourished: 1. Stephen King, 400 million in sales from 77 books. 2. Kyotaro Nishimura, 200 million in sales from over 400 books. 3. Leo Tolstoy, 413 million from 48 books. 4. Paulo Coelho, 350 million from 28 books.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Centuries before the story of Jesus Christ’s resurrection, there was a Greek myth with similar themes. It featured Persephone, a divine person who descended into the realm of the dead but ultimately returned in a transfigured form. The ancient Festival of Eleusis, observed every September, honored Persephone’s down-going and redemption — as well as the cyclical flow of decay and renewal in every human life. In accordance with astrological omens, I invite you to observe your own version of a Festival of Eleusis by taking an inventory: What is disintegrating and decomposing in your own world? What is ripe for regeneration and rejuvenation? What fun action can you do that resembles a resurrection?

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): The coming weeks will be an excellent time to take inventory of your community and your network of connections. Here are questions to ask yourself as you evaluate whether you already have exactly what you need or else may need to make adjustments. 1. Are you linked with an array of people who stimulate and support you? 2. Can you draw freely on influences that further your goals and help you feel at home in the world? 3. Do you bestow favors on those you would like to receive favors from? 4. Do you belong to groups or institutions that share your ideals and give you power you can’t access alone?

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.” Sagittarian humorist James Thurber said that, and now I’m conveying it to you. Why? Well, I am very happy about the progress you’ve been making recently — the blooming and expanding and learning you have been enjoying. But I’m guessing you would now benefit from a period of refining what you have gained. Rather than even more progress, I feel you need to consolidate and integrate the progress you have so robustly earned.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): The people of Northern Ireland have over 70 colorful slang terms for being drunk. These include splootered, stonkied, squiffy, cabbaged, stinkered, ballbagged, wingdinged, bluttered, and wanked. I am begging you, Capricorn, to refrain from those states for at least two weeks. According to my reading of the omens, it’s important for you to avoid the thrills and ills of alcohol. I am completely in favor of you pursuing natural highs, however. I would love you to get your mind blown and your heart opened through epiphanies and raptures that take you to the frontiers of consciousness.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Beginning 11,000 years ago, humans began to breed the fig. It’s the world’s oldest cultivated food, preceding even wheat, barley, and legumes. Many scholars think that the fig, not the apple, was the forbidden fruit that God warned Adam and Eve not to munch in the famous biblical passage. These days, though, figs rarely make the list of the fruits people love most. Their taste is regarded by some as weird, even cloying. But for our purposes, I will favorably quote the serpent in the Garden of Eden: “When you eat the fig, your eyes will be opened and you will be like God.” This is my elaborate way of telling you that now may be an excellent time to sample a forbidden fruit. Also: A serpent may have wise counsel for you.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): The coming weeks would be an excellent time to file lawsuits against everyone who has ever wronged you, hurt you, ignored you, misunderstood you, tried to change you into something you’re not, and failed to give you what you deserve. I recommend you sue each of them for $10 million. The astrological omens suggest you now have the power to finally get compensated for the stupidity and malice you have had to endure. JUST KIDDING! I lied. The truth is, now is a great time to feel intense gratitude for everyone who has supported you, encouraged you, and appreciated you for who you really are. I also suggest you communicate your thanks to as many of your personal helpers and heroes as you can.