Go here to read Part I of The Great Hostess Taste Test, in which:
It was revealed that taste tests are our jam.
The nerds assembled and held a seriously scientific reckoning of which is the best of the brand’s snack cakes (Nate Silver, eat your heart out.)
On part two, we wrap up the judging by dissecting and discussing Sno Balls, Suzy-Q’s, and Zingers. Who will win? Watch the award-eligible video at the end of the post to find out!
When the news broke late last week that due to a labor dispute Hostess would be shutting down its operations and no longer creating its line of delicious snack cakes, the U S of A portion of the Western hemisphere went into shock. What kind of unlivable world would it be without Twinkies, Fruit Pies, Cup Cakes, Ding Dongs, Ho Ho’s, and Sno Balls? Were the Mayans right all along?
The Hostess headlines sent the masses into a panic, leading to a run on snack cakes at convenience stores. Wall Street speculators and plucky entrepreneurs took notice, and what followed was the creation of an unregulated black market, a smorgasbord free-for-all. Don’t eat that Twinkie, you mad man! Might as well be eating a Honus Wagner!
It was a dark time that saw the unholy combination of arbitrage, credit default swaps, insider trading, hedge funds, and short sells: All of those bad things you read about and don’t understand. They happened again. And this time the powers that be were messing with our precious.
Where’s the bailout on this one, Washington? The people had spoken: Hostess was too big to fail. Someone may have heard, because Hostess and the unions are meeting with a mediator to try to settle their dispute. (And thus, the Twinkie bubble burst, leaving only carnage and tears in its wake.)
We at the Memphis Flyer, ever mindful of our civic duties, found upon our heads the helm of public trust, falling to us the great and terrible responsibility to mark this moment in American history.
How to do so in a sober and appropriate fashion? Taste test, nerds!
Thus we scoured the shelves and cupboards of our great city to locate the most delectable and ideal of Hostess snack cakes to sample, judge, and report on. In one regard, we admit we failed miserably: Nary a Twinkie, Ho Ho, or Ding Dong was to be found. The market had spoken, and the people had conducted their own taste test. Those Hostess products were all given 10s.
We did, however, come across six prime goodies for our experiment: Orange Cup Cakes, White Powder Donettes, Honey Bun, Sno Balls, Suzy Q’s, and Chocolate Zingers. And, minus Twinkies, at least we had a control group, a golden mean with which to compare our results.
The judges assembled: Greg Akers, Anna Cox, Michael Finger, Louis Goggans, Hannah Sayle, Chris Shaw, and Bruce VanWyngarden
Snack cakes were judged on a 1-10 scale in the categories of presentation, color appeal, texture/tactile, taste, collectability, and overall. Collectability was defined as “hoard-worthiness and value on the black market.” In other words, how highly would you rate the item if your life depended upon it in a post-apocalyptic world.
Without further ado, part one of the Great Hostess Taste Test.
Early afternoon on the day that Hostess Brands announced it was liquidating the business, about a dozen employees gathered outside the Hostess plant at 400 Monroe. A few BCTGM (Bakery, Confectionery, Tobacco Workers, and Grain Millers) union members were carrying signs that read, “On Strike Against Hostess Brands.”
Some of the workers (the plant employed about 250 workers, according to the Memphis Business Journal) were taking images of a letter signed by the CEO which was taped to the door of the plant.
One union member, who asked that his name not be used, said that he had worked for the plant for 11 years. He said that production at the plant ended at 10 a.m. He wasn’t sure what would be the union’s next move.
“We just have to wait because this is not official,” he said. “We’re seeing what their [Hostess’] situation is.”
A transcript of the letter, dated November 16th, is below.
