incessant humming – Memphis Flyer

Dear Jack,

“Ryan” and I started dating several months ago. Recently, his roommate had to transfer out of town for his job, so rather than look for a new roommate, we decided Ryan should move into my apartment. He’s a great guy and we have a great time together, but he does one thing that drives me nuts.

He hums.

It always happens when he’s occupied with something else, like doing his laundry or cooking or whatever. That’s why I didn’t know about it before he moved in. He doesn’t hum a recognizable song. I think I could live with that. Mostly it’s just a few notes, bits and pieces of whatever song is playing in his head. I’ve talked to him about it and he says he doesn’t know he’s doing it. He says his old roommate never mentioned it.

It’s like its part of his breathing. Every exhale comes out as a piece of a song. He’s not a musician or anything, and he does it whether he’s listening to music or not. He even does it when he’s falling asleep. At least he doesn’t do it in his sleep.

It doesn’t sound like a big problem but it’s really driving me nuts. Try living with this day in and day out and you’d see what I mean. I’m about ready to call it quits and ask him to move out. Do you think I should?

Irma Petty?

Dear Irm,

I have a bum knee that sometimes clicks when I walk. On really cold days, it can be quite loud. People have accused me of snapping my fingers and asked me to stop. I try to explain that it’s not my fingers, it’s my knee, but it’s the sort of thing you can do on command, like trying to make a chair produce that rude noise it made last time you moved it. My knee is the singing frog that refuses to perform on cue. Very annoying.

Women have left me for any number of good reasons, but my knee wasn’t one of them. However, I can well understand your frustration. I used to have a dog that would sit on the floor beside my bed and lick himself once the lights were out. I couldn’t go to sleep until he stopped. It drove me bonkers. But I didn’t get rid of him.

Sounds to me like you’ve already made up your mind and are just looking for an excuse to get rid of Ryan. The two of you didn’t move in together because you were in love. He needed a place to flop and you had the room. You had fun when you were dating, but now that you know him better, his habitual humming makes you want to stab yourself in the ear.

Be thankful you didn’t find this out until after you got married. Part as friends and go your merry way. In the future, make sure all flops are understood to be temporary and reviewable after 90 days.

Got a problem? Jack Waggon will set you straight: jack.wagg@gmail.com