jk-simmons – Memphis Flyer

I’m a big believer in form following function. That’s why my review of the new Warner Bros/DC movie Justice League will reflect the form of the screenplay: a series of bullet points presented without any overall organizing principle.

Justice League Dark: (left to right) J.K. Simmons, Gal Gadot, Ray Fisher, Ben Affleck, and Ezra Miller

• Justice League is not a film. It’s a clip show. You know, like when a TV show has been on a long time and they want to save money late in season six by having all the characters snowed in together and swapping memories of that time in season two when they fought the bear? That’s what Justice League is like, except you’ve never seen the show before.

• At least our hypothetical sitcom on its last legs had an interesting villain. I’ll take the bear over Steppenwolf (Ciarán Hinds) any day. At least the bear has a discernible motivation. Steppenwolf is just a mashup of other crappy villains like Apocalypse from the last X-Men movie and that fire-demon thing (checks Wikipedia) Surtur from Thor: Ragnarok. Justice League even lifts the “empty horned helmet clattering to the ground anticlimactically” gag from Ragnarok.

• Oh yeah. SPOILER ALERT: Steppenwolf is defeated. The good guys win.

• Now I want to know what happened with the bear.

• Another SPOILER ALERT: Superman (Henry Cavill) comes back from the dead in a “we promise, one-time-only, super-special Kryptonian procedure that must involve all of the other Super Friends … I mean, members of the Justice League.” Even though we all know Supes is going to be fine, the resurrection sequence takes up a huge chunk of Justice League‘s running time that could otherwise be used for advancing the “plot.” It’s the most tedious part of a tedious movie.

• Speaking of which, the scene where the Flash (Ezra Miller) and Cyborg (Ray Fisher) dig Superman’s body up from the Kansas graveyard where he’s buried as Clark Kent is probably the most entertaining moment of the film, just for the sheer perversity of it.

• The reason Justice League is better than Batman v. Superman is that there’s more Wonder Woman in it. Gal Gadot coasts on the excellent characterization she and Patty Jenkins created in Wonder Woman’s solo film. At one point, Batman (Ben Affleck) says she should be the leader. I’m totally down for that. But instead, they go for Zombie Superman.

• Henry Cavill is literally the worst person to ever play Superman. He’s not fit to hold George Reeves’ cape.

• Amy Adams is completely wasted as Lois Lane. I hope she got paid well.

• There are occasional flashes of life in swole Ben Affleck’s Batman. It made me feel kind of sorry for him. All those protein shakes for this?

• Of all of director Zack Snyder’s missteps, Aquaman (Jason Momoa) is the worst. He’s the exiled scion of Atlantis hiding in a human village in Norway, but he talks like a California surfer. What about that makes sense?

• Creeping Batman-ization Alert: Aquaman feels abandoned by his mother.

• Steppenwolf’s army of Parademons look like Arthur, the sidekick from the Tick, was assimilated by the Borg.

• The high-functioning sociopaths running the Hollywood studios are uniquely unsuited to making good superhero movies because they fundamentally cannot grasp what is appealing about a character motivated purely by altruism.

• When Aquaman asks Bruce Wayne what Batman’s superpower is, Batman replies “I’m rich.” Wrong answer. Batman should have said “I’m prepared.” Also acceptable: “I’m determined.”

• Since Roger Ebert is no longer around to point out these things, I feel it is my duty to note that at one point, Nazis emboldened by the death of Superman demonstrate their evil by turning over a fruit cart. Google it.

• In my notes, I referred to the McGuffins — glowing energy cubes that convey ultimate power to any creature that possess them — as “Infinity Stones.” In fact, those are the glowing energy cube McGuffins from the Marvel universe. These glowing energy cubes are variously called “the change engine” and “mother boxes” which must be combined to form “The Unity.” Everything in this film is a ripoff, and even the meaningless technobabble is bad.

• Jesse Eisenberg appears in the post credit scene as Lex Luthor, as if to say. “Who’s the lame villain now?”

• Aquaman’s trident has five points.

When Disneyland opened in 1955, the first thing throngs of visitors encountered was Main Street, U.S.A., Walt Disney’s sanitized, safe, and, ultimately, utopian vision of America as a small, Midwestern town where everyone was happy — everyone who mattered, anyway.

Disney’s fortunes have waxed and waned over the years, and its vaunted animation division that produced timeless masterpieces such as Fantasia, Pinocchio, and The Jungle Book fell into disrepair. In the early 1990s, a young animator named John Lasseter championed computer animation as the House of Mouse’s way back to the forefront and was canned for his troubles. Fortunately for everyone, he attracted the attention of Pixar, the animation production house Steve Jobs cobbled together from the remnants of George Lucas’ computer graphics division, and went on to define the zeitgeist, starting with Toy Story, until Disney finally threw in the towel and bought its rival outright 10 years ago.

Lasseter is now the head of the animation division he was once run out of, and so, with Star Wars and Marvel properties defining the pop-culture landscape and acting as an ATM for the company, it’s his job to articulate Walt’s utopian message for the uncertain 21st century. Disney did not release budget numbers for Zootopia, but Variety estimates there’s upwards of $100 million invested in this ambitious spectacle. The talent in the director’s chair(s) is about as impressive as it gets in the animation world. Byron Howard’s been with the studio since Mulan, more recently helming Tangled. Rich Moore was the director for some of The Simpsons’ greatest episodes, including “Lisa’s Substitute,” “Marge vs. the Monorail,” and “Cape Feare.” The vision of ideal America they conjure in Zootopia is tolerant, kind, rational, but not perfect — and all the stronger for it.

We get the backstory for the human-free world of Zootopia from its hero, a rabbit named Judy Hopps (Ginnifer Goodwin), one of 275 brother and sisters growing up on a carrot farm in the Bunny Borough. The animals abandoned nature red in tooth and claw and built a multispecies civilization based on mutual respect and not eating each other. The sprawling capitol is Zootopia, a city with excellent public transportation where “anyone can be anything.” But, like America, Zootopia doesn’t always live up to its highest ideals, and Judy’s ambition to be a police officer is unlikely, since the force is dominated by African megafauna. But Judy perseveres and makes history with the help of Mayor Leodore Lionheart’s (J.K. Simmons) diversity program. But, as with many ambitious trailblazers, she runs up against institutional roadblocks, here with the face of a water buffalo named Bogo (Idris Elba), who assigns her to meter-maid duty. But when she’s confronted by the frantic wife of a missing otter (Octavia Spencer), she gets 48 hours to solve the mystery, which may be related to a wave of AWOL animals across the city. Along the way, Judy must confront not only prejudice against her as a she tries to break into the formerly bunny-less world of animal law enforcement, but also her own prejudices against others, such as Nick Wilde (Jason Bateman), a con artist fox, whom bunnies — including Judy’s own parents — still regard with suspicion as their most-feared former natural enemy.

Zootopia‘s most ingenious move is mining the 1982 Walter Hill film 48 Hrs. for its main character dynamic — only in this case, Nick Nolte is a bunny, and Eddie Murphy is a fox. When the unlikely pair’s investigation inadvertently inflames the city’s long-dormant predator/prey tensions, the parallels to to the human world couldn’t be more clear to the adults in the audience.

Goodwin, a Memphian whose voice-acting experience began with Robot Chicken, gives vibrant life to Judy, Zootopia‘s breakout star who is destined to enter the pantheon of Disney characters next to Bambi and Dumbo. From her on down, characterization is Zootopia‘s biggest strength. All of the bit players are good, including the legendary Maurice LaMarche doing his Marlon Brando imitation as Mr. Big, the shrew godfather of Tundratown, Tommy Chong as a nudist yak, and Raymond Persi, who gives a show-stopping performance as a sloth in charge of the DMV. The animation is the equal of any recent Pixar feature, with a wealth of jokes delivered through simple attention to detail.

Zootopia‘s message of tolerance and respect comes at a perfect time for the human world wracked by renewed racial divisions drummed up by marauding demagogues. Disney always strove to base his vision of America on the better angels of our nature, and with Zootopia, the company he founded has succeeded.

Zootopia
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