Back in 1985, a drug smuggler named Andrew C. Thornton II found himself over East Tennessee in a failing Cessna. Trying to lighten the load, he ejected a few duffle bags’ worth of cocaine into the woods. When that didn’t work, he stuffed several Ferraris’ worth of product in his pockets and jumped out of the airplane. His parachute didn’t open, and the former-federal-narcotics-officer-turned-cocaine-cowboy went splat in suburban Knoxville.
As someone who grew up in rural Appalachia during the height of the Reagan era, I can attest that bundles of drugs regularly fell from the sky. Some poor randos got lucky and were able to buy a real house, not a trailer. Some less-lucky randos were brutally murdered by employees of the distribution network whose drugs had gone missing. In this case, a black bear found the fallen cocaine cache and ate it. Pablo Escobear, as the overstimulated ursine would come to be known, is the only known bear to die of a cocaine overdose — another Appalachia victim of the War on Drugs.
In retrospect, it’s kind of amazing that it took so long for someone to make Cocaine Bear. In the 1980s, lots of producers got their movies funded with little more than a catchy title and some eye-catching VHS art. The story writes itself. Bears are cute, but they can eat you whenever they want. Luckily, bears are lazy, and you’re more trouble than you’re worth. But a bear on cocaine, they’re edgy. They’re paranoid. They just want to party with you. Why are you holding out on them?
Director Elizabeth Banks sets the gonzo tone in the first scene, when Andrew Thornton (Matthew Rhys) experiences a high degree of job satisfaction by dipping into the bricks before he tosses them out of the airplane. At least he dies doing what he loves: cocaine.
The first people to discover what happened to the cocaine are prime slasher movie fodder: a pair of young European hikers in love. For Cocaine Bear, they’re just a yummy appetizer.
Also on the table are a pair of kids: the rebellious Dee Dee (Brooklynn Prince), who is skipping school to paint a waterfall, and Henry (Christian Convery), who is following her. Dee Dee’s mom Sari (Keri Russell) is trying to track down both of them, with the help of Ranger Liz (Margo Martindale) and zoologist Peter (Jesse Tyler Ferguson).
Meanwhile, Syd (Ray Liotta), who is on the hook for the missing marching powder, sends his enforcer Daveed (O’Shea Jackson Jr.) and angsty son Eddie (Alden Ehrenreich) to retrieve the $14 million in assets before the Columbian cartels come calling. They have a violent run-in with a trio of delinquents and find one of the missing duffle bags at the same time as TBI detective Bob (Isiah Whitlock Jr.) and the cocaine-crazed bear.
Besides Cocaine Bear, who is an instant movie star, Bob is the film’s best character. He’s a police detective who’s getting too old for this stuff. He’s thinking about retirement and just bought a cute dog. But he’s been chasing Syd for years, and he’s got a hunch that this is his last chance to take him down. In a movie like this, he’s a dead man walking. Whitlock, a veteran of Spike Lee films and The Wire, understands the assignment and plays it to the hilt.
Everyone involved in Cocaine Bear seems to know exactly how serious to take it, which is, not very. As a classy appreciator of art, I should call Cocaine Bear a guilty pleasure, except I don’t feel very guilty about it. Cocaine, a wise man once said, is a hell of a drug.
Cocaine Bear
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