Sometimes my days are hectic. I’m a wife, mother of four, sister, writer, librarian, fitness instructor, and friend. My calendar is color-coded and full. Once I showed my therapist my calendar, she bluntly replied, “What am I looking at? What is this?” When I told her it’s my calendar that shows how my days are constructed, she was flabbergasted. I literally make hundreds of decisions a day. I’m emotionally, physically, and intellectually present at every job and every endeavor. I listen with enthusiasm to my kids about their days. I even follow up from the previous day’s conversation. I laugh at my husband’s jokes and the reels he sends me on Instagram. And I love every minute of it. I have a good life! No, seriously. I have the life I’ve always dreamed about! But sometimes, my days get so filled and busy that I’m too tired to enjoy the life that I’ve built. Crazy, isn’t it? To work so hard at something only to pass out from exhaustion before you can even marvel at its existence.
In the times where everything seems so heavy, I find myself wanting to be lost, just so I can find myself again. I want to wander around without a serious thought in my head. I want to walk at a “grocery store” pace without any pep in my step. Nowhere I gotta be and no one I gotta see. I don’t want anyone calling my name or tapping me on my hip. (IYKYK … especially if you work with little kids.)
In other words, I don’t want to be bothered by the life I’ve created. I know … First World Problems1.
So I go to where time feels like it’s standing still. I go where I can lose myself only to remember what it is that I love so much. Where I can go listen to the birds chirp, the squirrels scramble around, and maybe get stared at by the occasional deer. I take a walk through Nesbit Park2, aka Stanky Creek. Where the only thing required of me, taken in exchange, is CO2.
Nesbit Park is located in Bartlett, Tennessee3. (5760 Yale Road to be exact.) It has some amazing bike and walking trails. It’s a place of peace and adventure. During my first Nesbit Park, aka Stanky Creek, experience, I learned how strong I truly am. It was during a Memphis Runners Club Winter Off-Road Race Series. I’d never ventured inside the park before, so this was a completely new experience. During this 8K race, I struggled through narrow paths, hills, and ravines where I had to use my non-existent upper-body strength to pull myself up. (There was a lot of cheering and several attempts before I accomplished it.) Somewhere along the marked path, I started listening to the birds. At some point, I looked up and around at the trees. I realized that I hardly ever look up anymore. Eventually, I looked down to find that I couldn’t see any of the race markers. I couldn’t hear anyone. I couldn’t see anyone. So I stopped moving, put my hands on my hips like Forrest Gump, and I took a deep breath in and exhaled. And I wandered. I skipped. I frolicked. I jogged. I walked. I didn’t think. I didn’t worry. I just existed. With no requirements, I just existed and lived in that moment. Or moments, if I’m honest.
(Don’t fret. I was never truly lost during this race. An earlier runner had knocked a race marker down and I wasn’t paying attention. I didn’t see or hear anyone because I was dead last and very far behind.)
But in the end, I came out better and stronger than I was before. And most importantly, my mind was so clear. Like that breath of fresh air I was gasping for because they cheered for me to run up a hill and cross the finish line.
So now, when I step inside of Nesbit Park, I promise it’s like stepping into another world. I don’t hear any loud music or the steady hum of cars on the streets. I’m not being asked to make a decision, run an errand, review a budget, or even be considerate of anyone other than myself.
Sounds selfish? Well, it’s my truth. As much as I love being around the public and people, I find peace in being alone. I love the way my heart beat feels in my chest. I love the way silence and soft nature sounds press against my ears. I love it as a breeze grazes my cheeks like a soft kiss. I love me and don’t mind my own company.
While in Nesbit, I simply breathe … exist … move forward …
And eventually the heaviness wears away and I’m left with a solid foundation of peace.
1 First World Problems — A term used when First World Nations complain about something that is perceived as small in comparison to global problems.
2 Nesbit Park — Once upon a time, it was the farm of Katherine Nesbit. Now it’s a public trail. It’s also called Stanky Creek due to the smell that comes from a creek. (But it smells just fine to me.)
3 Bartlett, Tennessee — Incorporated in 1866 and named after Major Gabriel Bartlett. Now known as the place where Memphians don’t dare speed.
Patricia Lockhart is a native Memphian who loves to read, write, cook, and eat. Her days are filled with laughter with her four kids and charming husband. By day, she’s a school librarian and a writer, but by night … she’s asleep. @realworkwife @memphisismyboyfriend.