Categories
Opinion The Last Word

New Year’s Revolution

Jhansen2 | Dreamstime.com

The Bern

If Bernie Sanders can somehow win the Democratic nomination, and Donald Trump is chosen as the GOP presidentialApprentice reality show contestant, it will be interesting to see an election between a socialist and a fascist.

Of course, most voters don’t know the difference between a Social Democrat and a Marxist, but I give extra points to anyone who knows who Marx is, and I don’t mean Groucho. Since the term “socialism” is often associated with the Soviet Union, or those evil European countries where they just give away their health care like that, any candidate running under that label already has two strikes against them right away. Sort of like being born with a name like Barack Hussein Obama. Socialism means major industries are owned by the government rather than by corporations or individuals. Social Democrat means someone really liberal who may soon be the front-runner of a major political party that is scared guano-less to use that term.

Discerning readers know that the United States began using socialism as soon as they set up the Pony Express. All governmental functions used for the public good are socialistic, except for all that free stuff the Democrats give away at election time like Obamaphones and abortions.

I guess nothing’s ironic any longer, but on the Republican side, Marco Rubio is giving away calculators, and Jeb Bush is sending out to a “select universe of influencers, donors, and core supporters,” digital video players with a 15-minute film called, The Jeb Story. Actually, the slickly produced videos were shipped out by Bush’s Super-Pac, Right to Rise USA, which sounds more like a Cialis commercial than the name of a slush fund. But that’s not socialistic. That’s just tiny bribes to the billionaire seraphim of the GOP.

Every time I hear an update on the gangsta cowboy vigilantes up in Oregon, I’m reminded of socialism. These armed protectors of the Constitution and their nitwit anti-bird militia don’t like government? Cut the power, the water, and WiFi, so they can’t upload any more pleas for Mountain Dew, then block the access roads and wait for the next blizzard. They even have the gall to ask that snacks and underwear be sent through the U.S. mail. Let them sit there through February, and they’ll be begging for a little socialism.

Fascism is defined as an authoritarian, right-wing system of government, led by a despot, an autocracy, or a “strong man,” and characterized by racism, xenophobia, and ultra nationalism. Speaking of Donald Trump, he trotted out the Vampira of the tea party, Sarah Palin, to endorse his candidacy during a campaign rally. She gave a long, incoherent soliloquy that was so bizarre, it inspired Tina Fey to come back for an SNL encore.

After listening to 20 minutes of Palin’s brain droppings, Trump’s expression said, “Wrap that shit up, G,” but his mouth said, “She’s really a special person.” After the Vaudeville show concluded, Trump said he would “love” to put Palin in his cabinet if elected. That should disqualify him on the spot, but nothing slows the Trump Blitzkrieg — not even the shrieking witch from Wasilla. The unemployed, half-term governor is like herpes. It’s always there just under the surface, and just when you think it’s gone, it comes back with a vengeance. In this case, her vengeance was directed at the GOP “establishment” who mocked her last time around.

Trump then announced to another rabid mob that his minions were so loyal, “I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody, and I wouldn’t lose voters.” For a second, I thought this might be the equivalent of John Lennon’s “We’re more popular than Jesus” quote. It could have been worse. He might have said, “If Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.”

I’m having a heart vs. head dilemma this election. I agree with most of Bernie Sanders’ positions, but I know in advance that he’ll be compared to Mao Zedong. I think Hillary is electable, but I’ve come down with a severe relapse of Clinton Fatigue. I knew it when she was slipping in the polls and brought out the Clinton attack machine. Even Chelsea was schlepped out of her new $10.4 million Manhattan apartment to tell lies about Sanders’ proposals and explain how he would be horrible for the working man. Suddenly, I remembered Bob Dylan’s lyrics, “What price do you have to pay to get out of going through all these things twice?”

I want my country back, too — the one promised by LBJ, Martin Luther King, and the Great Society. The country that once declared war on poverty instead of drugs. I want a country that passes legislation like the Civil Rights Act and the Voting Rights Act, where voting is encouraged rather than suppressed. We’re just one election and two Supreme Court Justices away, and I’m beginning to “feel the Bern.” Call him whatever you want, Sanders would be the most revolutionary president since FDR. If you really wanted to shake up our broken political system, who better than an elderly, Jewish Socialist? You could do worse.

Categories
Letter From The Editor Opinion

Wrestling With the Truth

And in the latest news: Iconic folksinger Richie Havens has died; one of the Oregon militants has dressed in a sumo outfit and made a video challenging Chris Christie to a wrestling match; and a New Yorker has built an igloo in Brooklyn and listed it as an Airbnb.

At least, those are among the first few stories on my Facebook feed today, the links posted by my friends and acquaintances. My job, should I choose to accept it, is to discern which of these stories is true.

These are the kinds of choices we online content consumers face these days. Crap is everywhere: memes, fantastical stories, listicle slideshows, spam emails, questionnaires that purport to show who your soulmate is or what character in Downton Abbey you’d be. Oh look, here’s a picture of Obama’s “college ID” that says he’s a foreign student. Fake. Here’s a Ted Cruz “quote” where he says he’s been chosen by God to be president. False. And here’s a report that says Donald Trump said he could shoot someone on 5th Avenue and not lose a supporter. True.

When reality is as crazy as fiction, how do you determine what’s actual news and what’s fake? It’s not easy, and it’s so tempting to quickly share juicy or incriminating or funny stuff that reinforces your views, without verifying whether it’s true. Making things even more difficult are the hundreds of websites that run outrageous lies under the guise of “satire.” It’s all clickbait, designed to get your IP address and sell advertising.

I just returned from a digital conference for altweeklies. It was held in San Francisco, a city so digitized that print newspapers are hard to find, even if you look for them. The local SF Weekly is corporate-owned, printed on low-quality paper, and with a typeface so small it’s nearly unreadable. It looks like a bad Best Buy circular.

Yet, elsewhere in the country, including Memphis and other mostly mid-size cities, the independently owned weeklies are still viable, still getting picked up and read, and still have a recognizable brand in their market. These papers are mostly concerned with growing their websites as assets that complement and enhance their brands and extend their market reach.

It’s no secret that getting breaking news via a print product is not the way of the future. It’s a big problem for daily newspapers, but it’s nothing new for weeklies. We’ve always come out once a week and have never had to worry about competing to deliver the hottest scoop. We’ve focused on the news behind the news, analysis, opinion, feature stories, entertainment, humor, and music. And we’ve always been relentlessly local in focus. If we break a news story, it’s usually on our website.

And it turns out, according to the experts at our conference, that that’s a good strategy. In-depth local coverage will become the survival path for any news organization not named The New York Times. Most of it will break digitally before appearing in print. The problem for dailies is, as it has been for years: How do you monetize the digital product at a level that pays for a decent-sized news staff?

The bottom line is that no matter what platform you use to get it, reliable, entertaining, and well-sourced local content is more important than ever. And we appreciate the readers and advertisers who help us make it happen in Memphis.

Oh, by the way, Richie Havens died in 2013. The militia sumo-wrestling video story appears to be true. And I don’t care enough about the Airbnb igloo story to pursue it.

Be careful out there.

Categories
Letter From The Editor Opinion

Making Tennessee Great Again!

I’m writing this from the restroom facility at Big Hill Pond State Park in southern McNairy County. On Monday, I commandeered the building, which contains the men’s and women’s restrooms, some racks of pamphlets, and two vending machines. There’s no one here right now, but I plan to stay as long as necessary to protest the fact that the state of Tennessee is run by oppressive know-nothings who wouldn’t know small government — or freedom, for that matter — if it bit them on their considerable backsides.

I’m talking about Andy Holt and Mae Beavers and Ron Ramsey and all those other dolts running things in Nashville, the people who think we elected them to fight an imaginary war against Sharia law and oppose gay marriage and suckle at the teat of the N.R.A. They’re not patriots. They’re self-aggrandizing morons, and I’m taking my state back. I want to make Tennessee great again.

I’m not kidding. I’ve had enough, and I’m serving notice: If the state of Tennessee wants this building back, they’re going to have to come and pry it from my freshly sanitized hands. And don’t think it’s going to be easy.

I’ve got a nice Beretta 12-guage automatic (the one I got as a wedding present from my brother-in-law), an (almost) full box of birdshot, and three pretty substantial bottle rockets. I’ve got four packages of thick-cut Benton’s smoked bacon, some nice sourdough loaves from Fresh Market, 15 Lindt Intense Orange chocolate bars, six heirloom tomatoes, several pounds of artisanal dark roast Kona, 12 bags of Skinny Pop, and two cases of Wiseacre Tiny Bomb.

Check and mate, my friends.

Not to mention, there’s enough toilet paper and hand sanitizer in here to last me ’til June, at least. And don’t forget those vending machines. Also, the Tuscumbia River is just over the hill, and I packed a sweet five-weight Sage and a nice selection of spring dry flies. A country liberal can survive. Underestimate me at your peril, Cousin Bubba.

Of course, I got the idea for this boondoggle, er, courageous stand for freedom, from those guys out in Oregon, the ones who bravely stormed and liberated an empty U.S. national park building that mostly catered to bird-watchers during migration season. Then they hung a bunch of U.S. flags everywhere and asked people to send help via the U.S. Post Office.

Because of that, some people are making fun of them, calling them “Vanilla ISIS” and “Y’allQueda,” but I think those right-wing mokes have the right idea. If you don’t like something, call the government’s bluff! Take over a federal building. For Freedom. And news coverage. What’s the worst that could happen? Not much, apparently.

So, here I am in good old Big Hill Pond State Park, making my own stand for freedom in sympathy with my Oregon brothers-in-arms. And like them, I’m locked and loaded and angry, and I’m not leaving until some big changes are made … or I get some airtime on national television.

So, Governor, er, Lieutenant Governor, Ramsey, you can send in the National Guard, I don’t care. Hell, send in ol’ Mae Beavers. I’d love to chat with that poofy-headed dipshizzle face-to-face. That’s right, you Nashville yahoos, I’m here on Tennessee state property in McNairy County, I’m Memphis as eff, and I’m not going anywhere. Come at me, bros.

Oh, and did I mention I’m white? Well, I am. Really, really white. Sooo … you know. Take it easy.