Tag: Parenting

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Opinion The Last Word

Memphis Is My Boyfriend: Testing Season

Online resources can help. (Photo: Patricia Lockhart)

’Tis the season for testing! While the weather is warming and most of us are eager to get outside, it’s a different season for our tweens and teens. I’m the grateful mom of four — an 11-year-old girl, twin 13-year-old boys, and a 16-year-old boy. This spring, they’re all facing end-of-year assessments. My middle schoolers are preparing for TNReady (TCAP), while my high schooler is tackling AP Exams, ACTs, and more. These tests are crucial for their next steps in education. Since hubby and I know the trajectory we want for their educational future, their performance matters. So we aim for balance during the testing season: work hard, play hard.

Get them tutoring or homework help

Parents, if you know that math isn’t your thing, don’t you go undoing all that hard work the teacher put in by trying to teach your child “how you did math 20-plus years ago.” While the procedural steps of mathematics haven’t drastically changed, the conceptual learning of math has. So leave it up to the professionals. My high schooler is involved with math that contains more letters and angles than numbers. Since there is nothing I can do to help him, I rely on outside resources. Check out tutoring or homework help at your school or local library. The Homework Hotline is still going strong! You can either get help with homework or free weekly tutoring at homeworkhotline.info. My favorite online resource is Khan Academy. It’s filled with standards-aligned content for a variety of subjects. What I love most are their “how-to videos” for math. Khan Academy is great if your tween/teen already has a foundation about a subject, but just needs more practice.

Ease up on them at home

During the testing season, my hubby and I absorb all the chores and cooking. Typically, everyone in the house has chores they are responsible for, including the parents. We find it best to consistently model the expectations rather than only voice them. But during testing, hubby and I divide the chores among only us. The kids simply come home and have a little down time before reviewing the next day’s testing subject. We do ask them to be considerate and clean up after themselves as much as possible.

We also absorb all the cooking responsibilities. Just like the chores, everyone is responsible for cooking a healthy meal at least one night a week. But not during testing season! For three to four weeks, hubby and I cook every meal. Yes, it adds more to our plate after a long workday, but our future goals are not hinged upon our performance on one test. So we do whatever we can to ensure that our kids have space for rest and review. 

Extracurricular activities

Last year, we made a huge mistake. We removed extracurricular activities from the schedule during testing season. No ballet practice. No video games. No random outings. After school, the kids were instructed to come home, do nothing, then study a little bit. While they were okay for the first few days, energies began to increase because they did not have a creative outlet. 

It didn’t take long for the lack of creative outlets to shake things up. Activities like ballet, gaming, and random outings weren’t just fun pastimes — they were little mood-boosters and motivators. Creative outlets gave them a way to let off steam, express themselves, and come back to their studies feeling refreshed. Without them, all that extra energy had nowhere to go, which only led to bickering and boredom. 

I’m a huge fan of the Memphis Public Libraries. They have a ton of activities for tweens/teens to get involved in. Dungeons & Dragons, music labs, videography, Drumming 101, chess, crafts, and so much more! If you’re looking for a creative outlet for your tween/teen, check out the activities at the Memphis Public Libraries.

Testing season can be tough, but it doesn’t have to be miserable. A little balance goes a long way! From tutoring help and lightening their chores to letting them enjoy their favorite activities, it’s all about setting them up for success. And, once again, don’t sleep on the Memphis Public Libraries — they’ve got tons of cool programs to keep kids inspired and refreshed. At the end of the day, we’re just here to cheer them on and help them do their best! 

Patricia Lockhart is a native Memphian who loves to read, write, cook, and eat. By day, she’s an assistant principal and writer, but by night … she’s asleep.

Categories
Opinion The Last Word

Memphis Is My Boyfriend: Spring Break Survival 

Ice cream — and food in general — keep the tweens and teens happy. (Photos: Patricia Lockhart)

Soon, flowers will bloom, painting the landscape with vibrant colors. The sun will shine for more hours, casting a glow over the freshly repaired potholes. Birds will sing cheerful melodies, and people will cruise through the city blasting GloRilla. But something else is stirring: spring break!

I’m a mother of four wonderful teens/tweens — an 11-year-old girl, twin 13-year-old boys, and a 16-year-old boy. And nothing is more exciting than the arrival of spring break. A full week with nothing pressing to do! But with tweens and teens, it hits differently. If you plan too much, they’ll complain. If you plan nothing, they’ll complain. Making sure your teens enjoy their break is a delicate balancing act. So, here’s a Teen Spring Break Survival Guide that will help you stay sane while keeping your teens (mostly) happy! Follow this foolproof (okay, semi-foolproof) plan:

• Limit your fun activities to one per day. 

Don’t overfill your teen’s schedule. While they may enjoy what you plan, let’s be real, teens love one thing above all else: being left alone. Pick activities carefully. We’re heading to Monster Mini Golf in Cordova, where they can enjoy glow-in-the-dark minigolf. And if they’re feeling extra adventurous, they might choose to play laser tag, too. (Keyword: choose — forcing extra fun is a crime in Teen Law.) More than one activity is overwhelming; less is boringggg.

• Involve lots of food.

At least one activity should involve food. My kids love to activate their “summer stomachs” during breaks. They have first breakfast, second breakfast, brunch, lunch, snacks, dinner, dessert, and a late-night snack. We are currently vibing on Jay’s Coffee & Cuisine in Millington. Everything on their menu is delicious. We’ve tried their shrimp and grits, chicken and waffles, french toast, pancakes, and fries. Jay’s fries are out of this world! They are the BEST FRIES IN MEMPHIS. Period! Jay’s also serves lattes, syrups, and teas. I’m currently loving their lavender matcha latte.

• Leave them alone.

Arrange at least one day where you don’t call their name. Yeah, I said it! Need a glass of water? You’re going to have to get it yourself. Can’t find the remote? Try looking under the couch cushions or in the refrigerator. Who knows where they put it. For a full 24-hour period, require nothing of your teen. Nada. Zilch! Just like you get tired of hearing Mom, Mama, Bruh, they also get tired of being called to do tasks. Trust me: It’s peaceful on both sides.

• Let them sleep.

Do not wake them before noon. My teens stay up all night watching ’90s sitcoms and playing video games. Waking them up before noon is like poking a hormonal grizzly bear — only do it if you want a moody teen stomping through the house. Plus, the later they sleep, the fewer hours you have to entertain them. So while they rest, I’ll head to Hopson’s Espresso Print Coffee Shop in Bartlett. They’re a new coffee shop with the best butter cookies this side of the Mississippi. My go-to is the English toffee latte — just the right temp and taste. During spring break, I’ll be there playing my Nintendo Switch.

• Find something for you to do.

While they’re gaming, sleeping, eating, or doing anything but taking a shower, find something for you to do. Catch up on your favorite shows. Take that nap. Or get that project done you’ve been putting off. I plan on remodeling our backyard. I might even add a couple of chickens. Better yet, I’ll just go to the library. The Raleigh Library in, of course, Raleigh has an attached walking track. The outside area also has a huge, shaded seating area. 

• Ice cream is still magical.

No matter how old they get, my kids will always cheer when I say Sugar Ghost Ice Cream and Bubble Tea. Located on Broad, they have the only ice cream I eat religiously. And naturally, my kids love it, too. Ice cream has a way of melting the hard edges off teenagers. It’s really just magical how a sweetened dairy product can bring their inner child out. 

Spring break with tweens/teens is all about balance — just enough plans to keep them entertained, plenty of food to keep them happy, and the freedom to sleep and do their thing. Whether we’re mini-golfing, eating at Jay’s, or simply enjoying some well-earned quiet at Hopson’s, the key is embracing the frenzy and the calm. And while they’re living their best lives, I’ll be sipping lattes, playing my Switch, and maybe even getting those backyard chickens. 

Patricia Lockhart is a native Memphian who loves to read, write, cook, and eat. By day, she’s an assistant principal and writer, but by night … she’s asleep.

Categories
Opinion The Last Word

Memphis Is My Boyfriend: A Teen’s Take on Dating

Sometimes all teens want is for someone to listen. (Photo: Courtesy Patricia Lockhart)

I’m a mom of four teenagers. An 11-year-old girl, twin 13-year-old boys, and a 16-year-old boy. And that 16-year-old is … DATING! This is a scary moment for me. Mostly because I know what “dating” looked like for me at 16. (We read and we don’t judge.) Nevertheless, I thought that this would be a great opportunity to hear about dating and Valentine’s Day from the perspective of a teenager. And now, here’s what my son has to say!

For teenagers, Valentine’s Day is a chance to celebrate your relationship, no matter how long you’ve been dating. As you have probably seen from most teenage rom-coms or from social media drama, Valentine’s Day can also be messy. 

In high school, there are tons of unique relationships and several types of couples. Some teens have been dating for only a few weeks, while others are approaching year three! There are some teenagers who struggle to start relationships because of their sexuality. Others struggle to keep relationships just because their partner loses interest and leaves them on “read.” Or some parents prohibit their teens from dating at all. Even if a couple may seem like they are going strong, it can come falling down.

Either way, dating and Valentine’s Day is a pivotal point for teens. Wherever they may be in their dating scene, here are a couple of things to keep in mind as a parent:

• Support your teen: You may not like who they’re dating, but support your teen and make sure they are doing well in their relationship. 

• Don’t embarrass your teen: It can be easy to bring up their flaws or messy habits, but it doesn’t feel good when you are getting embarrassed in front of your girlfriend or boyfriend.

• Offer advice, but don’t lecture: Talking down to someone and talking to them are two different things. You want to make sure that you are talking to teens about their relationship. Be wary of lecturing without giving them an opportunity to be active in the conversation. 

• Listen: Sometimes all teens want is for someone to listen. They may not even want advice, just someone to listen to their situation and understand them.

Luckily, I am in a healthy relationship. We have known each other for years and started dating only five months ago. My partner has to be one of the most enthusiastic and energetic people I have ever met. Whether it comes to the situationships in season seven of The Rookie or her cases at youth court, she always brings her energy to the table (unless she is hangry). Also, seeing her smile just brightens my day. I’ll never forget that. But here are a couple of points that I have learned from other successes and failures that I use to guide my relationship. Teenagers, take a pic of this:

• Communicate your boundaries: Make sure that you both are looking for the same or similar things in a relationship. Let them know up front what’s a “no-go.”

• Respect each other: Everyone deserves respect. In person and online!

• Consent, consent, consent: Ask permission for everything, even hugging and kissing.

• Don’t lie to your parents. Just be open and up front. They’re going to find out anyway. 

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, here are my plans for my very first Valentine’s Day.

I plan on taking my partner to Ciao Bella Italian Restaurant. Both of us are huge fans of Italian cuisine. With us being teens, we must factor in our parents. We aren’t fully independent, and we can’t just go sneaking out the window to a dinner date. So of course our parents will be there, but hopefully at a different table.

During dinner, I’ll present her with gifts. I know her pretty well. But I cannot afford front row seats to the next WWE Smackdown. And after the holiday season, my accounts aren’t overflowing. But fortunately, I love to make homemade/crafty gifts. I’ll be making an assortment of cards and flowers with a custom blanket that has her favorite celebrities on it (Eric Winter, Melissa O’Neil). In addition to that, I will be making a spray-painted sweatshirt with designs from Michael Jackson and Roman Reigns, a couple more of her favorite celebrities. 

Valentine’s Day as a teenager is a mix of excitement, nerves, and learning experiences. Whether it’s a first date, a longtime relationship, or just navigating the highs and lows of young love, it’s a time of growth. Remember, as parents, it isn’t your role to control the journey but to support, guide, and — most importantly — listen. 

Patricia Lockhart is a native Memphian who loves to read, write, cook, and eat. By day, she’s an assistant principal and writer, but by night … she’s asleep. Her son Aiden Lockhart is dating now!

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News News Feature

Getting Children Interested in Philanthropy

Encourage charitable giving. (Photo: Katt Yukawa | Unsplash)

Cultivating the virtue of charitable giving in your children is an endeavor that’s never too early to start. The following tips can help you pass along your philanthropic values to the next generation. 

1. Lead by example. 

One of the best ways to instill values in your children is by modeling them. Talk to your children about the causes you support with both your money and time. Don’t worry about bragging; instead, be honest about what you do and the impact your actions have on the lives of others. It’s important that your children know how much you do for others. 

2. Involve your children in charitable decisions. 

Make giving to charity a family event by involving your children in charitable decisions. If you have a budget for charitable donations, give your kids a say in how to allocate a portion of the funds. Websites such as Charities Aid Foundation and Charity Navigator can help you discover a wide range of charitable organizations that align with your children’s passions, values, and interests. 

3. Volunteer together. 

Once they’re older, your children can volunteer with you at organizations such as food pantries, animal shelters, churches, hospitals, etc. Volunteering alongside your kids can be a great way to get them excited about helping others. However, even younger children have an opportunity to help others. Consider taking your child to help a neighbor with a small job, such as raking leaves or shoveling a driveway. You can also encourage young children to “pay it forward” by doing something nice for someone else each time someone does something nice for them. 

4. Help your children develop their own charitable goals. 

Talk with your children about their values and what’s important to them, then find opportunities for them to make an impact. Maybe your son loves reading and wants to share his joy by starting a book drive. Or perhaps your daughter has dreams of someday becoming a veterinarian and would like to walk dogs at your local shelter. Your kids will be more motivated to support causes that are important to them. 

5. Encourage your children to donate their own money. 

One effective way to teach children the importance of giving to others is by implementing a “three-bucket” strategy. Consider offering your kids an age-appropriate allowance and teaching them to separate it into three categories — save, spend, and give. Not only does this practice teach your children that a portion of their money should be used to help others when possible but it also helps them learn the importance of saving for the future. 

Gene Gard, CFA, CFP, CFT-I, is a Partner and Private Wealth Manager with Creative Planning. Creative Planning is one of the nation’s largest Registered Investment Advisory firms providing comprehensive wealth management services to ensure all elements of a client’s financial life are working together, including investments, taxes, estate planning, and risk management. For more information or to request a free, no-obligation consultation, visit CreativePlanning.com.