How was your Sunday morning wake-up? I imagine, like me, you were still a little drowsy because in Memphis, as in most of the USA, except Arizona and Hawaii, we all “sprang forward” for Daylight Saving Time, meaning 8 a.m. magically became 9 a.m. overnight, and meaning it’s darker outside when you wake up and there’s more daylight when you go to bed. It will take most people’s bodies a few days to get used to the change because our circadian rhythms get all fouled up.
Circadian rhythms are the 24-hour cycles that regulate essential bodily functions and processes — the release of hormones and such — including the sleep-wake cycle. They work by helping to make sure that the body’s processes are optimized at various points during a 24-hour period. The term “circadian” comes from the Latin phrase “circa diem,” which means “around a day,” which seems a little vague to me, but this is coming from people who wore togas and probably partied a lot.
Oddly enough, I got a head start on the whole process last week. That’s because I was visiting my brother and sister-in-law at their Vrbo near Port St. Joe, Florida. It’s a place where time waits for no one, and where you’d better keep an eye on your phone or you’ll be late. Or early. It depends. A watch is no good here. If your car’s clock updates automatically when you switch time zones, you will need to pick up a flux capacitor at AutoZone. Your phone will soon be googling itself.
See, Port St. Joe is in a little time peninsula of its own. The line of demarcation between Eastern Standard Time and Central Standard Time is a bit wacky hereabouts, running like a string tossed on a rumpled blanket: north, south, east, and west through Gulf County, the last piece of land before the Gulf of Mexico puts a stop to this linear nonsense.
Port St. Joe is on Eastern Standard Time, but it’s possible to drive a couple miles due east and be in the Central Standard Time zone. Meaning you could — depending on where you’re staying — arrive at the beer store in Port St. Joe at 5 p.m. and get home to drink those Bud Lights on your deck at 4:15 p.m. Time is a flat circle, baby. When 5 o’clock rolls around again, did those beers really exist? I say no. Also, if you do this 24 times as fast as possible, you could save a day. In theory. And get really drunk.
Why do we keep doing this twice-a-year ritual, which many studies have shown to be a health hazard that negatively affects sleep cycles, causes heart attacks, and spurs mental health crises, including suicide rates, in the fall? In a new poll conducted by the Associated Press/Center for Public Affairs Research, seven in 10 Americans said they would prefer not to switch back and forth for daylight saving time. Consensus! See, Americans can agree on something!
Er, but well, no. It turns out that four in 10 Americans would like to see their clocks stay on standard time year-round, while three in 10 would prefer to stay on daylight saving time year-round. Urgh. Another 3 in 10 say they prefer the status quo, switching back and forth between daylight saving time in the summer and standard time in the winter. These are the people who know how to reset the clock on their stove. Bastards.
A 2019 article in the Journal of Health Economics says: “As all mammals, humans respond to environmental light, the most important signal regulating our biological clock. However, human beings are the only animal species that deliberately tries to master nature … adjust[ing] their schedules responding to incentives to economic and social coordination.” This explains why my dogs were blissfully eating their morning kibble at 8:30 a.m. on Sunday, unaware that I’d served them breakfast an hour later than usual. Then again, what’s time to a dog? Day and night. There’s probably a lesson for us there, from one species of mammal to another. Arf.