“It was a sobering experience,” said Lindsay Lohan to OK! magazine upon leaving her rehab facility in Utah this week.
Yes, that’s an actual quote from LiLo (as we call her in the journo biz). Sometimes it’s just too easy, I tell you. These Hollywood people are comedy gold. Here are a few more I dug, er, made up.
“It was truly a revealing experience,” said Britney Spears, emerging from her SUV after a night of partying. “But I couldn’t bare it anymore.”
“I just wish people would stop needling me about my bad habits,” said singer Amy Winehouse, as she stumbled over her boyfriend’s limp body in the street.
“My marriage to Pamela Anderson was a bust,” said Kid Rock on the Letterman show, “though there are a couple of big things I’ll miss.”
And even politicians aren’t immune from such gaffes:
“It was a black day for Memphis,” said Carol Chumney, as she lamented her defeat in the Memphis mayoral race.
“I thought there was light at the end of the tunnel,” said third-place finisher and former MLGW chief Herman Morris, “but we just ran out of gas.”
“What a race!” said Mayor Herenton at his victory celebration. “We had to play every card in the deck.”
And on the national scene, things aren’t much different:
“I think we’ll win by a hair in Iowa,” said John Edwards.
“I’ll be boring into the issues soon,” said Fred Thompson. “In this game, if you snooze, you lose.”
“Bitch, bitch, bitch,” said Hillary Clinton. “Why can’t people understand that I wear the pants around here?”
“I’ve got a Big Love for this country,” said Mitt Romney. “Anything else you’ve heard is a bunch of old wives’ tales.”
“We’re starting this campaign at Ground Zero,” said Rudy Giuliani. “Then we’re going to scare up as many votes as we can.”
“I’m vetoing health-care for 10 million kids because to do otherwise will ruin this healthy economy,” said President George Bush. “Besides, our childrens do learn.”
I only wish I’d made up that last one.
Bruce VanWyngarden