Tag: Ray Rice

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Sports Sports Feature

Memphis Preps: Local Coaches Talk Domestic Violence

The video of former Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice knocking out his soon-to-be wife in an elevator has forever changed the rules in the NFL as it relates to domestic violence. Rice was suspended indefinitely by the league. His was just one of several incidents in the NFL recently.

The prevailing thought is that the NFL was not prepared to deal with these recent crises and, as a result, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell’s reputation and the league’s image have suffered severely.

Duron Sutton

Other major sports leagues have taken notice of what is going on with the NFL and are trying to be proactive in dealing with domestic violence. NBA Commissioner Adam Silver said he is looking at changing his league’s policy on domestic violence. Ditto for Commissioner Bud Selig and Major League Baseball.

College programs are wrestling with their own issues as it relates to DV. For example, Georgia football coach Mark Richt dismissed defensive tackle Jonathan Taylor over the summer after Taylor was arrested for allegedly choking his girlfriend. Tennessee Vols’ freshman running back Treyvon Paulk was kicked off the team after being accused of hitting his girlfriend, although she did not press charges.

High Schools coaches in the Shelby-Metro area are also now on high alert and for good reason.

A 2011 nationwide survey conducted by the Center for Disease Control and Prevention found 9.4 percent of high school students reported being hit or harmed by their boyfriend or girlfriend within a year of the survey. Their research found that 1 in 5 women, who had experienced sexual or physical violence by a partner, first experienced some form of violence from a dating partner between the age of 11 and 17.

According to the Tennessee Bureau of Investigations, 247,069 incidents were reported across the state between 2011-2013. The City of Memphis reported 59,000 cases in 2012 alone. Juveniles accounted for 10 percent of the domestic violence victims in the state. Boyfriend/girlfriend relationships were noted in 43 percent of all reports, regardless of age.

Several area high school coaches are aware of these disheartening numbers which is why some coaches have used the Ray Rice incident as an opportunity to teach beyond the x’s and o’s in their respective sport. Although situations they deal with may not always be technically considered domestic violence by definition, they feel it is close enough.

Ridgeway football coach Duron Sutton addressed his team after watching the Rice video and reiterated a message he had shared with them in the past. “You’re an athlete,” he told them. “If you’re in a situation like that, run. They can’t outrun you. Your little push or shove could be worse than you think.”

Sutton, who also coached at Kingsbury as a head coach, and Craigmont as an assistant, recalled having to talk to a former player about being too aggressive with a girl. “I dealt with a situation with a guy holding a girl’s arm, holding her against a wall. Fortunately it did not escalate into anything more but I got on him hard because you can not put yourself in a situation where you are using physical force.”

“I have two daughters,” Sutton continued, “It’s not right for anyone to put their hands on my child or any child.”

Chris Michael

Yet domestic violence is a reality for many according to Millington Central football Coach Chris Michael. He believes several teens witness it in their households while growing up. Some have seen it while others have been victims of it. He says it is important for people in his position to understand they are more than just coaches. They are role models who can help counter those past volatile experiences.

“You hope you are a model of good behavior, a father figure, a good representative of what a man should be. Someone that helps combat (abusive) pasts.” said Michael.

Mitchell basketball coach Faragi Phillips can relate. Domestic violence is very personal for him. His parents are best friends and happily married now, but that was not always the case for Phillips while growing up. “I grew up in a home where my mom and dad were violent to one another,” he said. “And it motivated me to not do the same. Plus I didn’t ever want my kids to see me behave that way.”

Phillips said he not only broke the cycle of violence in his own life, but has tried to help others do the same. So when the Rice video was shown repeatedly on television and the internet, he knew he had an opening to drive home his message. He brought his team together to begin dialogue on the topic.

“I talked to them and told them it’s never ever okay to put your hands on a female,” said Phillips. “Never, even if you are pushed. It’s just never the right thing. Remove yourself from the situation. Remember Rice had a chance to leave. He didn’t have to go into the elevator with (his then fiancé).”

The message resonated with his players. Kylan Phillips, the coach’s son and Mitchell’s senior guard summarized the discussion. “As a man putting your hands on a woman is never okay. The strength of a woman doesn’t compare at all to a man’s. And there are so many consequences and trouble that could come from it.”

Sutton echoed Phillips’ thoughts. “Guys have girlfriends and they don’t always get along. I’ve been with my wife for 14 years and it’s never gotten physical despite our disagreements. You just have to agree to disagree.”

The Rice situation also offered other teaching opportunities for coaches with their players. “With so much geared toward social media, everything is magnified especially when you start to get a bit of celebrity,” noted Phillips. “And with (Mitchell) winning the state championship, my guys are more recognized in the community now. I told them people will record more video of you, take more photos, and tweet things about you.”

Michael agreed. “It’s probably something to consider in the future when it comes to off the field stuff. Awareness is always important. And it gives young people an avenue to talk a lot about how things should be handled going forward.”

As for the present, Sutton has advice for how young athletes should deal with situations to alleviate any physical confrontations. “Build your vocabulary. Let your words help make your point. Use your brains not your hands.”

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From My Seat Sports

Make a Fist!

When each of my daughters reached second grade, I taught them how to make a fist. And deliver a punch. Thumb curled on the outside, wrist firm, knuckles forward. Drive with your shoulder. They’d seen plenty of Spider-Man cartoons and read their share of Wonder Woman comic books. They knew what a punch was. But they needed to know how to deliver one. I let each of them treat my open right palm like the Green Goblin’s snarling face. The sting felt good.

I’ve held off writing about the Ray Rice affair (and the Adrian Peterson affair, for that matter), hoping to deliver some thoughts with emotion removed from my delivery. I’ve been married to the same woman for 20 years. I’m the father of two daughters. My only sibling is a woman. 

Seeing what Rice did to his then-fiancee in an elevator last February made nerves fire that I don’t often access. Janay Palmer being dragged from that elevator by Rice — the coward clueless how to handle his now-public atrocity — elicited thoughts I don’t often allow to dance in my brain. But those nerves continue to fire, and those thoughts dance randomly, especially when I look at my wife and daughters and consider the three most valuable elements of my life.

First, the disheartening reality of domestic abuse: it’s near us all. An abused woman lives a short drive from your home, whether you know her or not, whether you know she’s abused or not. Violence is pervasive, in one form or another. Has been since the first troglodyte wielded the first club. For the majority of human beings who refrain from lashing out with a fist, knife, or gun, this is a grim, cynical view. Domestic violence can be stopped. It’s our responsibility to make sure it’s stopped. And now.

But the contributing factors to domestic violence are simply too numerous and, frankly, too scattered for any movement — no matter how publicly driven — to completely eradicate the pain and agony caused. When there is no more poverty, violence will end. When there are no more unwanted children, violence will end. When there is no more religious discord, violence will end. This is like catching every leaf that falls from that massive maple tree in your front yard, each leaf with a blood-drawing razor’s edge. No, domestic violence can’t be eradicated.

We can shine light, though, on the atrocity. And this is where, irony of ironies, we have the NFL to thank. I’ll venture to guess that the security camera that caught Rice delivering his infamous left hook captured at least one more violent act on that very same Atlantic City elevator last February. And a few more since. How many of those were picked up by TMZ, though, and shared for the world to see? 

Had Rice been a contractor from Hoboken accompanying his girlfriend for a casino date, would sports columnists near and far be considering — and writing about — the severity of domestic violence in our world today? The NFL, for good or ill, is a looking-glass for modern American culture. 

Those who represent the NFL “Shield” become highly glorified lab rats, capable of lifting spirits on a visit to a children’s hospital, and capable of the same dark breakdowns that fracture
families in our own neighborhoods.

Neither of my daughters has delivered a punch to date. My hope is that they never will. Honestly, if they find themselves in a situation where that first punch is required, I’ll have larger concerns as their father. (Knowing modern gun culture for what it is, I’d be the last person to recommend a woman striking her abuser until it’s her last chance for survival.) But having a sense of their own strength, their own toughness, is a component of my daughters’ character I consider important for the days I’m not around. 

Women of strength, one at a time, are the antidote to domestic violence. These women know how to make a fist, and they will know when it’s time to leave.

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News The Fly-By

Domestic Violence Is Big Issue In Memphis

Just before news of the Ray Rice domestic-violence scandal broke nationally, Memphis saw its own share of domestic violence-related deaths.

In the span of a week earlier this month, three women in Memphis were killed by partners or former partners with a history of domestic abuse.

On the tail-end of those seven days, Rice of the Baltimore Ravens was indefinitely suspended by the NFL after a video acquired by gossip website TMZ showed Rice punching his then-fiancée (who’s now his wife) in the face, knocking her unconscious. What transpired afterward is a nationwide discussion about domestic violence.

Here in Memphis, Tasha Thomas was shot to death in the parking lot of a daycare center on September 2nd by her estranged husband Charles. He had been arrested for his most recent threats toward her at a baby shower and was released on bond. His long history of domestic violence toward Tasha ended in two deaths when Charles shot himself after killing her. She was in the process of divorcing him at the time of her death.

On September 5th, Alejandra Leos was shot in the back, just steps away from her front door in North Memphis, by her live-in boyfriend Marshall Pegues. According to police, Pegues and Leos were arguing before he killed her, shooting her three times as she tried to flee on a bicycle after the argument. Pegues was arrested for first-degree murder.

On September 8th, Torhonda Cathey, a former Shelby County Schools employee, was shot by her ex-boyfriend in the parking lot of Target on Colonial Road. Ronald Ellis, a Memphis firefighter, confronted Cathey outside of her car, shooting her multiple times as she tried to run away. She later died from her injuries. Ellis was found in Georgia and arrested.

According to the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation (TBI), 288 murders or negligent homicides stemming from domestic violence occurred in Tennessee during a three-year study from 2011 to 2013.

Barbara King, the executive director of the Exchange Club Family Center, works with victims of domestic violence, both adults and children. The children learn how to cope after surviving domestic violence, and the center also offers counseling for parent-victims and even offenders.

“It’s amazing that, even sitting through talking to a teacher or a counselor for a long period of time, it becomes intrinsic, and they can change their parenting behavior,” King said. “We are definitely hearing more about [violence against women]. I think it’s a lot more common to see them speaking up, but the numbers, particularly in Shelby County, are just phenomenal. There are so many cases but only about one-fifth ever gets reported. These couples may appear perfectly fine in public, even the nicer guys. I think people would just rather think it doesn’t exist. And then there’s the ever-present, ‘Why didn’t you just leave?'”

That very question prompted two Twitter hashtags last week — #WhyIStayed and #WhyILeft — which victims used to explain what kept them in abusive relationships and how they finally escaped.

More than 247,000 cases, or individual incidents of domestic violence, were reported in the entire state during the three-year study by the TBI. King mentioned that some victims might not report abuse to police due to fear of safety or lack of financial security, especially when children are involved. Some also may think that the offender will change.

“It’s not very easy for these women to leave,” she said. “She’s lost all self-esteem. She’s lost all sense of self-worth. It’s extremely scary to try and get out.”

King also said the center was working with Tasha Thomas before her death: “We tried to help her all that we could. It’s an incredible tragedy, and her story is not that uncommon.”

Leaving is the crisis point for victims of abuse, according to King.

“When the woman really says she’s leaving, and he’s going to lose power and control, that is the worst and most dangerous time for her,” she said. “He’ll do a lot of things to prevent that from happening. ‘If I can’t have you, nobody can.'”