Not Likely
• Roderick Jackson of Waskom, Texas, is suing Walmart for $100 million — or “unlimited free lifetime shopping” at any location — in relation to a vague incident from an Omaha Walmart in March 2021. NBC News reported that Jackson alleges there was a “false pretense of shoplifting” that was a violation of his civil rights “based on race/color.” Walmart responded that the suit is “almost identical to a lawsuit he filed against our company in 2021 that was dismissed.” The earlier suit said he suffered emotional stress and pain from the handcuffs. [NBC News, 1/11/2024]
• Joao Pimenta da Silva, 71, of Minas Gerais, Brazil, repeatedly dreamed that gold lay deep under his home, the New York Post reported. To that end, over a year ago, he began digging a hole in his kitchen floor that ended up being 130 feet deep and about 35 inches in diameter. But on Jan. 4, Pimenta’s dreams died when he lost his balance and plunged to his death at the bottom of the cavity. His neighbor Arnaldo da Silva tried to discourage the project, but Pimenta was convinced his dream would come true. In the fall, he suffered head injuries and broken bones. [NY Post, 1/8/2024]
Wait, How Many?
And you thought your glovebox full of unpaid parking tickets was impressive. Police detectives and patrol officers arrested Ahyoka Keith, aka Carol Ann Sumner, on Feb. 16, two weeks after she was charged with an astonishing 322 felonies and 327 misdemeanors by the Spring Township police department in Bellefonte, Pennsylvania. Keith is an over-the-road trucker, and her 649 warrants were related to the theft of thousands of dollars from a relative. [WPMI NBC15, 2/20/2024]
Long-Term Lending
More and more libraries across the country have converted to fine-free lending, and that’s a very good thing for one patron of the Licking County Library in Ohio. WPDE ABC 15 in Columbus reported that an Instagram post shared by the library included video of a poetry book that recently had been returned — about 93 years late. The patron had found the “Heart Throbs” poetry collection at a relative’s house and discovered the due date card inside the front cover, last stamped “Nov 9 ’31.” WPDE estimated the total fine would have been approximately $5,770. [AP, 2/13/2024]
Not Getting It
A 42-year-old resident of Ajax, Ontario, was arrested and charged with impaired driving on Feb. 20 at the Durham Regional police station, where he had driven to complain … about his arrest for public intoxication from earlier that morning. The man asked to speak with a supervisor when he arrived at the station, but officers noticed he seemed to be intoxicated, and, after confirming he had driven himself, issued a breathalyzer test, which the man failed. His license was suspended and his vehicle was impounded.
[DurhamRegion.com, 2/20/24]
Need for Speed
The Hockenheimring racetrack in Baden-Wurttemberg, Germany, was the setting for a Guinness World Record-setting run recently. The speed reached — 92.24 mph — might not sound so impressive, but Fulda University engineering student Marcel Paul attained that velocity in a toy car. Paul spent 10 months modifying the miniature Porsche with the goal of beating the 88 mph made famous by the time-traveling DeLorean DMC-12 in the Back to the Future movies, and in the process created the world’s fasted ride-on toy car. Said one user in the comments on Paul’s Instagram video of the milestone event: “Hell no that looks dangerous.” [Yahoo News, 2/20/2024]
Bleepin’ Birds
Eight potty-mouthed parrots are set to rejoin the rest of their flock at the Lincolnshire Wildlife Park in Boston, United Kingdom, after zoo officials decided that recent efforts to help the dirty birds clean up their act in isolation had shown promise. Steve Nichols, who serves as chief executive of the park, still isn’t sure what will happen when the birds are reunited with their more well-behaved peers. “We could end up with 100 swearing parrots on our hands,” Nichols said. “Only time will tell.” For now, the park does not plan to take down its signs warning visitors of the potential for foul language. [BBC, 2/21/2024]
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NEWS OF THE WEIRD
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Greg Cravens