Hell Houses were created to scare the bejeezus out of kids by subjecting them to dramatizations depicting the sinful side of life as it can only be imagined by fundamentalist Christians. These church-sponsored alternatives to the haunted houses and hayrides that pop up in the fall are an opportunity to show kids the invariably horrible outcomes of satanic homosexualness, dope eating, and premarital sexification. In Hell Houses, the Devil’s minions laugh while unwholesome life choices turn the most popular boys and girls in school into drug-addicted hooker zombies. The only thing missing from this recipe for redemption: Sister Myotis, the Mid-South’s reigning queen of entrepreneurialistic evangelitainment and lead Deaconess at the Good Tidings Apostolic Holiness Christian Fellowship of Saints. Until now.
Sister Myotis’ Hell-O-Ween Endtimes House of the Apocalypse may not scare anybody straight, but the party and Voices of the South fund-raiser promises to be a fun-packed evening of pie-walks, mayonnaise-based dips, and a kissing booth featuring Sister Velma.
Attendees are encouraged to dress as characters from the Bible, which may include devils, angels, Hezekiah, animals from the ark, or a plague.