Special Delivery – Memphis Flyer

New World Order

Sure, your fancy SUV may have ventilated seats and Wi-Fi, but does it have electrified door handles? The Guardian reported on Jan. 25 that a new vehicle has hit the market targeted at the particularly fearful driver — the Rezvani Vengeance. Costing up to $499,000, the Vengeance has bulletproof glass, strobe lights, wing mirrors that emit pepper spray, and no back windshield — instead, the driver can monitor a live video stream of what’s going on behind the car. Sure to win you a popularity contest in the pickup lane at your kid’s school, the Vengeance also has a loudspeaker so you can call to little Timmy without leaving the safety of your seat. Extras include bulletproof vests, helmets, and gas masks. The Irvine, California, company teases potential buyers on the website: “Vengeance is yours.” Wow. [Guardian, 1/25/2023]

Clothing Optional

Brittney Marie Reynolds, 35, entered St. Mary’s Cathedral in chilly Fargo, North Dakota, on Jan. 24 and was seen on security camera footage knocking over a potted plant, then approaching a large statue of Jesus on the wall, according to KMOV-TV. She ripped the statue from the wall and threw it to the floor, then headed back out — all while topless and shoeless, in temps under 20 degrees. Rev. Riley Durkin called police, who caught up with Reynolds as she bolted across the street. Officers noted that she wasn’t able to answer questions and appeared to be under the influence of a substance. [KMOV, 1/25/2023]

Meanwhile, in willful disobedience of every mother’s “wear clean underwear” edict, Timothy O’Rourke of Danville, New Hampshire, crashed his car on Jan. 25 and ran from the scene, wearing nary a stitch of clothing. WHDH-TV reported that officers found O’Rourke “running behind Main Street homes wearing no clothes and coated in his own blood.” He was charged with DWI and resisting arrest, and presumably given some jail garb to wear. [WHDH, 1/25/2023]

Awesome!

Vanyar, one of the equine competitors in the Tokay Stakes race on Jan. 22 in Nagoya, Japan, crossed the finish line first. However, Oddity Central reported, Vanyar was missing one thing, which led to his being disqualified: a rider. Vanyar’s jockey fell off as soon as they left the gate, and the second-place horse’s jockey couldn’t catch up to the riderless horse (although they were the technical winners). After crossing the finish line, Vanyar coolly slowed down and sauntered off toward the exit. [Oddity Central, 1/24/2023]

Special Delivery

During a basketball match between Duquesne University and Loyola Chicago in Pittsburgh on Jan. 25, officials briefly stopped play at the 16:10 mark of the second half, TribLive reported. At that moment, a man in a yellow hoodie walked onto the court and approached Loyola player Philip Alston, but apparently without malice: He had a McDonald’s bag in his hands, and a video recording caught him yelling, “DoorDash?” Commentators, officials, and players seemed stumped about who ordered the food, but someone finally claimed the delivery. A Duquesne official said he believed the event was staged, and sure enough, a close-up of the delivery guy reveals a microphone clipped to his T-shirt. [TribLive, 1/25/2023]

Inexplicable

During the height of the Covid-19 pandemic, when students in Harvey (Illinois) School District 152 were learning remotely, the district provided meals that families could pick up. According to WGN-TV, food service worker Vera Liddell, 66, allegedly helped herself to some of that food — to be specific, 11,000 cases of chicken wings. Liddell worked for the district for more than a decade. A business manager uncovered the plot during a routine audit, finding “individual invoices signed by Liddell for massive quantities of chicken wings, an item that was never served to students because they contain bones,” prosecutors said. Liddell would place the orders, then pick up the food in a district van. They didn’t reveal what Liddell did with the $1.5 million worth of wings. She was charged with theft. [WGN, 1/31/2023]

An unnamed 27-year-old man was arrested on Jan. 27 in Seattle after a homeowner returned to her house to find him in her bathroom, filling the tub with water. KOMO-TV reported that when police arrived, they discovered a smashed window and the burglar inside, “clothed but very wet, and the bathtub was full of water,” reports said. The intruder would not provide a motive for his strange break-in and was charged with residential burglary. [KOMO, 1/28/2023]