It’s college football season — whether you are in the Grove, Tiger Lane, or at home — it’s Game Day, and you, gentle reader, need a drink.
Beer is a good go-to for day-drinking because of simple physics: It is relatively low in alcohol and takes up a lot of space, and if you put your cup down to go to the bathroom, you’ve cut your drinking time by a third. Which makes it hard for things to get really out of hand. Still, whether it’s too much gluten or too much “wind,” sometimes only cocktails will do.
The cocktail rules for Game Day are different, and the first is that this is not the time to get too pedantic and start throwing around words like “craft” and “authentic.” With the possible exception of the Grove, if you carry around one of those glass bell jars to smoke your cocktails, you won’t get invited back. You shouldn’t. This is not the time for a cosmo, old-fashioned, or a Sazerac; and unless you plan to wear an actual cheer-squad uniform, do not drink anything called a Dirty Shirley.
Game Day drinks should avoid slicing because in these high-alert days, wielding a knife sends the wrong message to the local security establishment. While it’s not obvious, the drinks should be dark because outside is the one place people are allowed to smoke. I learned this the hard way when I went with a bourbon and branch once, and by third quarter I could see a layer of spent cigarette ash in the bottom of my cup. Which is enough to put anyone back on the wagon.
Of course, drink whatever you want, but football is all about tradition, and nothing says “It’s Game Day under a whiskey blue sky!” like the tried-and-true bourbon and Coke — in a great whacking red Solo cup. Lots of ice and lots of Coke because you’ve got a long stretch of day-drinking ahead of you — even if it’s a night game because you’re still probably going to get started at noon.
A word on your choice of bourbon: There is no need to splash out on the good stuff if you are going to douse it in Coke. If you aren’t drowning your bourbon, there will likely be an awkward hockey-stick in your future where you seem sober enough and then … well … Don’t attempt to maintain that for six hours, 10 if you win, or 14 for a win when your team was supposed to get creamed.
Understand that while all the bourbon on the bottom shelf is cheap, only some of it is rot-gut. The Coke is there for a bit of pep, not to hide you from agonizing reality. Well, actually it does hide the cigarette ash. … At any rate, you can do worse than Very Old Barton, which, believe it or not, is always winning some blind tasting or another. It is good, solid (and evidently award-winning) bourbon that will only set you back about $10. Benchmark, Buffalo Trace’s bottom-shelf entry, is another bourbon that works well as strong Game Day mixer.
Bourbon drinkers have gotten very touchy over the last decade or so but in their defense, bourbon has gotten a lot better, too. Unfortunately, with an uptick in innovation, quality, and choice, you get an uptick in snobbery. We’re all human, aren’t we? If you really can’t stomach the shame of being quite so sensible with your Game Day bourbon, another solid choice is Old Forester’s original expression, at about $20, which is also excellent on the rocks as well.
Obviously, tradition dictates that you mix the concoction with a pom-pom shaker.
