strippers – Memphis Flyer

A Florida man says that his son was taken advantage of by a Florida Panhandle strip joint. Seems the father gave his son his credit card to celebrate his graduation from Georgia Tech, and the boy ran up a $53,000 tab. This appears to be a case where the strippers were the ones who got a “happy ending.”

I guess the young man, catapulted to an undergrad degree at the tender of age 24, did not learn the economics of real life in school — chief among them is to never give strippers a free shot at your credit card, no matter how drunk you are.

Much like their brethren the lawyers, strippers quickly size up a potential client for how much they can fleece from them, based on how much money they have and how stupid they appear to be.

I have always supported honest entrepreneurs, especially when pitted against the stupid. It is good for society when money is not left too long in the hands of idiots. It is God’s way of getting money into smarter folks’ pockets. For the less religious among us, I call it economic Darwinism, and it often happens one crumpled $5 bill at a time. As the old saying goes, “A fool and his money are soon parted.” In this case, a fool and his dad’s money were soon partying.

I do understand these men who spend silly amounts of money in strip clubs. I have had friends whose longest female relationships have lasted two table dances. Men go to these clubs to make themselves feel important because they are lacking in self-esteem or personal affirmation. They are paying for the illusion of being a big shot, and they convince themselves that these women actually think they are attractive. They usually get buyer’s remorse when the stripper’s cooing and ego-stroking ends, which invariably happens when the guy’s money runs out. Who knew?

Surprisingly, the government, which likes to wet its beak in all vices, has yet to devise a way to muscle in on the strip-joint business. They’ve done better with our other bad habits. The feds pay farmers to grow tobacco, then tax cigarettes, and then push lawsuits against cigarette manufacturers. Governments are also into gambling big-time now, sponsoring their own state lotteries (akin to running numbers) and licensing casinos. And of course, there is booze, where government takes an inordinate cut via taxes on alcohol sales. It is best to view the government as a mob boss without the protection racket — or moral consistency.

I don’t go to strip clubs, but it’s not because I have any ethical opposition to them. The average stripper is doing the best she can with the assets she has to make money and provide for her famiy. And I respect that — especially her assets. Basically, I don’t go simply because I am too cheap.

As for the Georgia Tech grad, it sounds like he got a master’s in finance that night — for $53,000! Welcome to the real world, son! Pain is an excellent teacher, and often, in a society that makes excuses for bad behavior, it can be the only teacher. Of course, ridicule helps, which is what I do. It is my way of giving back.

Experience is how we learn life’s lessons. Experience delivers certain harsh truths to us Homo sapiens (and straight sapiens, too). This incident taught a young man the most valuable lesson in life: Don’t be an idiot.

See, everyone has a role in our society, even strippers.

Ron Hart is a columnist and former resident of Memphis.

I have a “Support Strippers” ribbon magnet on
my car. I bought it as a joke, my way of poking fun at those stiff-collared Republican types who place “Support Our Troops” stickers onto their gas-guzzling SUVs. But these days, with the city’s raunchy reputation under attack, my little magnet has taken on a
whole new meaning.

At a public meeting last week, Duncan Associates, a Texas-based consulting firm, presented a report detailing their findings from a six-month city and county-contracted investigation into Memphis strip clubs and adult-oriented bookstores.

Consultant Eric Kelly called Memphis’ clubs “wild places” before detailing what exactly they found — full nudity, physical contact between customers and dancers (some of which included insertion of tongues and fingers), private rooms, lax security, and (this one will really shock you) totally inebriated people.

Now can somebody please give me a “duh”? Anyone who’s been in a Memphis strip club (and I’ve been in several) knows that dancers here take off their bottoms. These are strip clubs, for God’s sake. People pay good money to see naked women, not topless women in G-strings.

The private rooms are indeed mysterious to me. I’ve had friends who’ve been in a few back rooms, and the most they’ve gotten is a two-song private lap dance. I’m sure more goes on, depending how much money you’re willing to spend, but is it really our business what goes on behind closed doors? The security issue might be a real problem, but drunk people? Come on. It’s a bar.

The city and county collectively paid Duncan Associates $38,000 for the study. That’s $38,000 of taxpayer money being used to determine what any local strip-club patron could have told us for free. I wonder if Duncan Associates is hiring, because I know a ton of people who would sign up in a heartbeat.

According to Kelly, Memphis’ strip clubs are the craziest he’s seen, and he’s done studies like this in six other cities, including Detroit. But rather than be ashamed, we ought to hold our heads up high. To quote Starship, “We built this city on rock-and-roll.” Like it or not, sex and drugs are just part of the mix.

The study was actually commissioned because city and county officials wanted to know if local clubs were violating the adult-oriented business ordinances that have been in place for ages. It just so happens that full nudity, physical contact, and back rooms are against local law. But seeing as how we’ve been letting things slide for years, perhaps we could look at changing laws to accommodate the strip clubs.

The clubs make a ton of money from back-room dances, where customers must pay more for a private show. And dancers who bare it all get better tips. It takes a brave, brave woman to get up on stage and prance around in her birthday suit while men ogle and slobber on themselves. I couldn’t do it, but I admire women who do, many of whom are simply trying to make money for college or to feed their babies.

Sure, there are a few who use the money to fuel their drug habits, but I’ll bet there are cashiers at Wal-Mart using their paychecks for the same thing.

As for the argument that strip clubs are havens for prostitution, I say, so what? Prostitution is a victimless crime involving two consenting adults. Some men aren’t lucky enough to score love, and some women are willing to endure a little discomfort for a few bucks. Leave them be.

Kelly did offer the idea of throwing out existing laws as an option, but he also drew up an 89-page report with detailed recommendations that include enforcing existing ordinances and establishing a special adult-oriented business licensing board.

Enforcement would mean devoting more police resources to the clubs. I’m sure the officers wouldn’t mind the cushy job of watching naked women dance, but as a taxpayer, I’d rather our cops spend their time elsewhere. For the past 23 months, Memphis police officers and FBI agents have wasted time and resources investigating Platinum Plus, which was closed down two weeks ago in an early-morning raid. Though they netted 75 arrests for illegal drug sales and prostitution, that money and those man-hours would have been better spent working to solve the city’s soaring homicide and violent-crime rates.

I haven’t seen any other “Support Strippers” magnets out there, but I know I’m not alone. Strip clubs in Memphis stay in business because a large chunk of citizens support them. Some may speak out. Some may not. But I’ll continue to drive my car proudly, knowing my little magnet shows my support for keeping the “dirty” in Dirty South.