Wooooo boy, ain’t we in the throes of it now? Feels like it was just last week when my assignment was simply to go to a bar and let y’all know that service is good and drinks are delicious. Well, shit’s changed, and frankly, it’s our duty to change with it. So let’s go to a bar, virtual-style.
I’ve not been able to go to an actual bar (because quarantine is the responsible thing to do, son!), so I’ve explored many options, including delivery, curbside service, and controlled irresponsibility, which is a thing you do with Clorox wipes, growlers, and general intelligence.
Unless you have written it off because your best friend from high school is an anti-vaxxer or your in-laws are trying to friend you, Facebook has been an astoundingly solid resource for restaurants and bars doing some cool stuff. Most any restaurant that you call is willing to make you drinks to-go, offer wines at a discount, or at least try to offload their selection of beer. They mostly let their deals be known on Facebook, so ignore the friend request from your mother-in-law and check out a menu.
“I don’t have the Facebook!” Neat. You can still navigate to the page and see their specials, you catastrophic moron.
Buster’s Liquors & Wines is doing curbside pick-up from 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. Place an order by 5:30 p.m. and patiently wait outside, and they’ll bring it to you. This is a great option if you haven’t begun drinking yet but plan to before the sun goes down. Shake up some local vodka and a squeeze from a lime you got from the Blue Monkey walk-in cooler. Log into Google Hangouts and play Jackbox with friends.
Photographs by Justin Fox Burks
Wiseacre Brewing Co. is doing delivery. I recommend ordering a couple six-packs of Ananda between 1 and 6 p.m., tipping the person who drops it off, and pressure-washing your driveway with your roommates. If there’s any left over, wipe it down real nice with some industrial wipes you got from Highbar Trading and offer it to the gentleman walking his dog down the street. Afterward, settle down on the couch and have a Zoom conference with all your friends that don’t have a pressure washer. Rub it in their faces.
Justin Fox Burks
Drinking local with hurricanes in pouches from Bayou Bar & Grill.
It sure is nice outside! Use the weather to your advantage and walk to your neighborhood watering hole. Mine is Bayou Bar & Grill, which is doing take-out from 11 a.m. to 8 p.m. daily. Things you can get include incredibly cheap growler fill-ups (especially if you’re in their Mug Club) and drinks in pouches. Because it’s spring break, I opted for a couple hurricanes in pouches and a growler of a local IPA, which I then drank in my front yard as I yelled about the nuances of flight patterns during a pandemic.
Not to be outdone, Slider Inn is doing car bombs to-go, which include a pouch of Guinness and a ramekin of Jameson and Irish cream liqueur. This is great if you want to find out what it’s like to drop a plastic ramekin into a plastic pouch and drink it as fast as you can while watching 30 Rock for the millionth time and playing Hearts on the computer with the people living with you. You get extra points if you then order curbside delivery of a locally owned restaurant and tip outlandishly. My selections the past few days? Bari, Tamboli’s, Huey’s, Young Avenue Deli, Restaurant Iris, Casablanca, and Little Italy.
You know the best part about being asked to stay at home and stop the spread of a lethal virus? First off, it’s responsible at-home consumption of booze acquired from local restaurants, but the second-best thing is camaraderie. No, I’m not advising having a damn parade with children and spit-covered instruments marching through a neighborhood (get your shit together, Central Gardens!). I’m talking about all of us being in this together. And together, we can support our local establishments and, of course, safely consume booze off-premises and in the comfort of our meticulously clean living rooms and/or porches, or really anywhere you can pour a tall one. Cheers to staying safe, everyone.