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What We Do In The Shadows

Written and directed by Jemaine Clement, half of the comedy folk rock duo Flight of the Conchords, and Taika Waititi, director of the 2007 quirk comedy Eagle vs. Shark, What We Do in the Shadows is one of the rare breeds of parody that works on all levels. It is a character-based mockumentary in the vein of This Is Spinal Tap, but it also recalls the 1992 masterpiece of minimalist black comedy Man Bites Dog.

When the film opens, a crew from the New Zealand Documentary Film Board has gained exclusive access to a home where four vampires live as roommates. It’s like if The Real World was a gathering of abominations against nature — even more so than it already is, I mean. Each of the vamps is a type from history. Vladislav (Clement) is an Eastern European medieval aristocrat in the mold of Dracula. Viago (Waititi) is a Romantic French dandy like Lestat. Deacon (Jonathan Brugh), at only 185 years old, is the “young bad boy of the group,” a take on Twilight‘s Edward Cullen. And Petyr, the animalistic Nosferatu (Ben Fransham) who lives in the basement tomb of their overstuffed Victorian mansion, is the elder of the bunch at 8,000 years old. Protected, we are told, by crucifixes and ironclad film contracts, the crew documents the roomies’ day-to-day activities as they prepare for the Unholy Masquerade, an annual gathering of witches, zombies, and vampires.

It’s not easy being a centuries-old vampire in the modern world, and the filmmakers get lots of mileage out of applying the historic rules of vampirism to life in suburban New Zealand. Like every Real World or Big Brother season ever, they argue over who has to wash the dishes. Things were better in the old days, as vampiric hypnosis is no match for the internet and television. Jackie (Jackie van Beek) is a human familiar to Deacon who has been promised the eternal life of a vampire in exchange for years of servitude, which includes doing errands in the sunlight, procuring victims for “dinner parties,” and cleaning up the blood and viscera afterwards. One of the victims she procures is her ex-boyfriend Nick (Cori Gonzalez-Macuer), who Petyr inadvisably turns into a vampire. Nick is a meat-headed bro who is not really clear on the concept of vampirism, like the part about not telling people you’re a vampire. But the guys soon take to him, because he can convince the doormen of swanky clubs to invite them over the threshold.

What We Do in the Shadows doesn’t shy away from a few obvious Twilight jokes, but Clement and Waititi dig considerably deeper into horror film history. Francis Ford Coppola’s 1992 Dracula adaptation proves to be a particularly juicy target, and one of the funniest bits is a riff on The Lost Boys. The verité style may look haphazard, but this is a well-constructed film where even the most seemingly offhand remark in the first act is a setup for a later payoff. The Unholy Masquerade, when it finally comes around, resembles not some black mass but a third-rate horror fan convention.

Like Spinal Tap, there’s evident affection for the genre they’re skewering. Clement, Waititi, and Brugh clearly love getting to turn into bats and battling werewolves almost as much as they love poking fun at the absurdity of it all. Their low-key enthusiasm is infectious.

What We Do in the Shadows
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Dracula Untold

I blame Ann Rice.

It’s probably not her fault that her 1976 novel Interview with the Vampire and its sequels would spawn the Vampire Good Guy Industrial Complex, but here we are. Sure, Angel and Buffy’s tragic TV tryst presaged Bella and Edward’s romance the way Led Zeppelin presaged Warrant, but it was Rice’s idea to make the vampire into a tragic, sympathetic character in the first place. To hear him tell it — he doesn’t really want to hunt humans in the night and drink their blood to gain eternal life. It’s not his fault he’s an evil monster.

But Dracula wasn’t like that. He was a post-human predator who took pleasure in killing. Even though his name’s on the poster, Dracula is not the hero, he’s the monster. This is why Interview with the Vampire was so radical and Dracula Untold is such a bad idea.

The year is 1442, and the “hero” of Dracula Untold is Transylvanian ruler Vlad Tepes (Luke Evans), better known in the history books as Vlad The Impaler. Vlad is often cited as being one of the inspirations for Dracula because history records him as a bloodthirsty maniac whose idea of diplomacy was nailing the Turkish ambassador’s turban to his head. But as Dracula Untold tells it, Vlad doesn’t really want to torture prisoners of war. He just wants to hang with his wife Mirena (Sarah Gadon) and son Ingeras (Art Parkinson). That whole impaling thing was just a passing phase he went through. You see, it was the Turks’ fault that Vlad has got some impalement-related impulse control problems, because he was kidnapped by them as a child and forced to serve the sultan as an elite child warrior. But now, years after Vlad and his dad drove the Turks out of Transylvania, they’re back, led by Mehmed (Dominic Cooper), and they want to enslave little Ingeras and 1,000 other kids. There are too many of them for his crappy army to fight, so Vlad has the first of Dracula Untold’s many bad ideas: He will go to a cave where an ancient Master Vampire (Game of Throne‘s Charles Dance) lives, in the hopes that he will be granted vampire powers to fight the invaders. For a minute, it looks like Dracula Untold might make something cool out of its bad premise. But then the Master Vampire’s catchphrase is revealed (“Let the games begin!”) and things spiral into absurdity.

This is not a monster movie, it’s a superhero movie. Dracula’s vampirism grants him super strength, super speed, and invulnerability. You know, like Superman. But instead of kryptonite, his weaknesses are sunlight, silver, crosses, and getting staked in the heart. The script is a pastiche of Batman Begins, The Mummy (Brendan Fraser, not Boris Karloff) The Lord of the Rings, and 300.

I love a good antihero as much as the next critic, but Dracula’s just not hero material. Even when he’s awkwardly crammed into a heroic role, he doesn’t behave heroically. He behaves like Vlad The Impaler, and we’re supposed to cheer his brutality. In Dracula Untold‘s world, the real bad guys are the ones who won’t transform themselves into vampires and drink their wives’ blood in order to save them.

Dracula Untold
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