Forget the Boston Red Sox and the Chicago White Sox. New York has its own team now. Yes, the Eliot Spitzer Black Socks. As if the media doesn’t have enough to sink its teeth into with real corruption that actually has an effect on everyday people, they are now obsessed with whether former New York governor Eliot Spitzer removed or kept on his mid-calf-length black socks while having sex with the prostitutes with whom he has been linked. There are even media “psychologists” talking about it and the reasons for keeping his socks on while having sex. So far, the consensus seems to be that he has a fear of intimacy. I guess $4,300 a pop can’t even buy that. Between this and that New Jersey ex-governor now saying that he had three-ways with his wife and some other guys, not to mention Idaho Republican senator Larry Craig stepping down after being busted trying to play footsy — socks or not — with the guy in the bathroom in the Minneapolis airport, the media, especially the celebrity media, ought to be having some real fun — at the expense of others, of course. But you know, I kind of don’t mind it. It’s actually a bit refreshing in its own twisted way. I say this because the mainstream media is just not much good for anything else. When was the last time you saw a headline on the mass rape crisis in Africa that got as much ink as a governor caught in the sack with a hooker? When was the last time you read a really good, in-depth piece on Dick Cheney and his connections to the big energy companies? When was the last time you read anything about Mordechai Vanunu, the Israeli man who went to the press in 1986 about the terrible things that were going on at the nuclear plant where he worked and was subsequently kidnapped, returned to Israel for a trial that was held in secret, and spent the next 18 years — 11 of them in solitary confinement — in prison? He was supposed to have had a trial last Sunday that would allow him to talk with people from countries other than Israel. I don’t know why I’ve been following this guy’s story, but I have, and it’s fascinating. But sometimes I get too bent out of shape about all of the war and poverty and injustice in the world and just need to kick back with a good New Jersey governor’s three-way story. Sometimes, there’s just so much seriousness. I need to spend some time wondering what Spitzer looked like having sex in those black socks. I’m sure his wife has gotten rid of all those! I also have to wonder, as I’m sure everyone is, about what on earth he was getting for his $4,300 nights. WHAT POSSIBLY could be worth that much money? I feel like I am missing out on something. Not that I would ever have the $4,300, but I would still like to know what exactly one could get in return for that amount. And what about Heather Mills McCartney and her $48 million divorce settlement? WHAT can she possibly spend $48 million on in one lifetime? And she wants MORE? She already has a fake leg good enough to use on Dancing With the Stars. I am not religious, but I do think there’s something to be said about being rich and not getting into heaven. Not that I think there is a heaven, but really. Just how greedy can a person be? Especially someone without the taste to spend the money on things that are tasteful. I certainly hope she plans to give a good chunk of that loot to charity. It’s like people who win lotteries. They either become drug addicts and buy the most vulgar houses and cars and then die, when they could easily have used that money to help the disenfranchised. All I would like to do is have central air conditioning installed in my house before summer and have the gutters that are hanging off the roof replaced. If the hooker who got paid the $4,300 or if Heather Mills or if any of you Powerball millionaires should happen to read this for some reason and want to help me out, just call this paper. They know where to find me.
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