Well, I m laughing and crying. Laughing about monkeys and crying about Grizzlies. Sincerely. I never in a million years would have dreamed that I would become so attached to a sports team of any kind, but I am emotionally distressed about the Grizzlies having played their last home game at The Pyramid for the season. Every game I went to was a blast, no matter if they won or lost. Of course, it was much better when they won, but even when they lost, they gave it a good shot. Regardless what you whiney people think about being ripped off and taxed for the new arena, the Grizzlies coming to town has been one of the best things ever to happen to this city. I think in stead of worrying about losing a nickel because of whatever taxes you think you re going to have to pay for the arena, you d better worry much more about the president s crooked buddies at Enron who want to build an energy plant here in Shelby County near Arlington. How sick is that? So there. I, for one, will miss the Grizzlies tremendously and hope they come back in the fall with a vengeance and no injuries. As for the mon keys, I am now obsessed with what s going on in Nikko, Japan, where the entire populace is petrified because wild monkeys are taking over and ruining their lives. According to a recent report, they are breaking into cars, homes, and shops and wreaking all manner of havoc. I particularly love the monkey that sits in the middle of the road to make the cars stop and then jumps on the hood and windshield demand ing food. That same sort of thing happened to me with a hooker once in a bad part of town while the engine in my Chevrolet Caprice Classic was overheat ing, and it was scary though not as scary as when the car actually blew up some time later in a Danver s parking lot. And then there was the monkey that snatched a brown bag from a tourist, whose group was surrounded by the pushy primates; the monkey grabbed it and ran up a tree, only to find that instead of food the bag con ained a souvenir horse, which he threw to the ground and smashed. It is so bad that special monkey patrols are canvassing the streets with nets and bananas tied to poles. My absolute favorite thing so far is this quote by Governor Akiko Domoto: Is it possible to give them birth control? I love monkeys, but, as governor, I have to do something. I have a fantasy that this is what the judges on the Food Network s Iron Chef are really saying while the dubbed English voice is comment ing on the balance be ween the sweet and sour in the sea weed-and-dried-fish concoc ions. You know, when the Japanese soap-opera star s dubbed voice is saying, Ah, yes, the chef s combination of tart lime zest and sweet basil oil is magnificent! she is real y say ing, What are we going to do about these crazy-ass monkeys? I think we should spank the monkeys! One can only dream.
Anyway, enough of this monkey business. Here s a brief look at what s going on around town this week. And there s quite a bit, so check the regular entertainment list ngs for the full lineup. There s an open ng reception tonight at 1700 Faxon for One Night Stand, an exhibit of works by Rhodes College students. Today kicks off the Memphis Black Writers Confer nce & Southern Film Festival at the Memphis Cook Convention Center, with African-American authors and producers sharing their works and honoring the 100th anniversary of Langston Hughes birth. Memphis internist and author Dr. Oakley Jordan is at Deliberate Literate tonight at 6 p.m. signing copies of his new medical mystery thriller, Death s Parallel; set in Memphis, it s the story of a physician who assists terminally ill patients in dying while a serial killer is on the loose. Tonight s Steak N Burger Dinner at Woodland Hills benefits the Boys & Girls Clubs of Greater Memphis. Today kicks off this weekend s Africa in April Awareess Festival downtown in Robert E. Church Park, honoring the Bahamas and featuring live music, food, crafts, and more. Sugar Hill recording artist John Cowanof the Newgrass Revival is at the Lounge. Bobby, Fred, & Hunky Rusty are at Alex s. And The Connells are at Newby s.
