Ugh. At this writing it has been just 24 hours since the news broke and I am already tired of hearing about it. I actually heard a reporter on the news say that retailers hope the capture of Saddam Hussein cheers the American people up so they will shop more between now and Christmas. Yep, I know I feel a lot happier and intend to blow plenty more money. All this news means to me is that it is more likely that we will have the Creature for another term and he ll be more smug and arrogant than ever. Halliburton and other companies with ties to the White House will continue to line their pockets by ripping us off in Iraq. The administration will continue to alienate the rest of the civilized world because they wouldn t play the powers that be wanted them to. American soldiers will continue to die for reasons perhaps only they know best. The terrorists who hate and want to harm Americans will hate and want to harm us even more. Yada. Yada. Yada. I ll say no more. Well, no more about that. There are plenty of pundits out there who can be much more objective, so have at it, mainstream American media. You are so pathetically lemming-like you can t get any worse. Except, that is, for drum roll please yes, good ol Dr. Peter Gott. My hero. Just in case you missed this one, here s a letter the doc responded to the other day: DEAR DR. GOTT: Is it possible to catch bad breath? Out of loneliness, I began an unfortunate relationship with a horrible older woman whose teeth were loose and whose breath was unbelievable. Inconceivably, I often kissed her. Now I find that my own breath stinks in the same way hers did. No kidding. Is it possible she had some unique bacteria that she passed on to me? WHAT?! There are so many things wrong with this on so many levels that it almost equals the sagging rectum problem the doc had to address a few months ago. For one, why would you start an unfortunate relationship with a horrible woman with loose teeth and bad breath? Wouldn t being lonely be better than that? And if her breath smelled that bad, why would you often kiss her? Is there something I am missing here? I d love to see this man. Can you imagine? I m sure he s no prize himself, especially now that his breath stinks as bad as the horrible woman s does. What a catch he must be. Hopefully, he got his problem solved because Dr. Gott told him to see a dentist to discover if he had a dental abscess unrelated to your past fling, along with some other suggestions. My real question here is this: How long did this guy wait to get this question answered? It has to take some time for Dr. Gott to read all of the submissions and then finally get around to answering them. Has the guy been walking around in a miserable funk for six months with horrible breath, waiting for the newspaper each day to figure it out? I am both horrified and transfixed. I hope he writes back, the guy with the breath, so we can find out what happened. In the meantime, here s a little look at some of what s going on around town this week. Tonight, it s Third Thursdays: Art After Dark at The Dixon at The Dixon Gallery and Gardens, where you can view art, learn a little about stop-motion animation with Matt Singer, and see a screening of the movie The Nightmare Before Christmas. And The Melvin Rogers Big Band featuring Donna Lee is at Precious Cargo Coffee House.
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