I know I ve been away from this page for a few weeks and out of the loop, so let me get straight to the point: I want to see George W. Bush naked. I know, as gross as that is and as akin as it is to the desire to eat the bug-infested remains of a decaying dead hedgehog while being head-butted by an angry Rush Limbaugh who s run out of pain pills, I have to confess that it s true. And I want a Democrat and a Republican running on the same ticket for the 2004 presidential election, if not just a woman of any party. Or something like that. I want to see Bush naked, Donald Rumsfeld naked (I m about to throw up, but there s a point here, I hope), Dick Cheney naked, Saddam Hussein naked, Osama bin Laden naked, John Ashcroft naked (hold on; I m really gagging now, but I swear there is a point of some kind forthcoming), and Colin Powell, well, at least in boxer shorts because I think down deep, somewhere inside him, before he got brainwashed into becoming a rhetorical mouthpiece, he was not such a sellout. I want to see them naked and piled on top of each other with bananas and leashes and dogs biting at their genitals and wearing hoods while being forced to stand on one leg with wires attached to them while threatened to be electrocuted, because if that s what we think it takes to get people to tell the truth, then let s have at it. I want to know what went so grossly wrong and want to hear one honest explanation of why we attacked Iraq. I want to know the real reason why all of these men have gotten us into that is causing so much pain in the world. And I want to see them all naked, not only to get them all to finally tell the truth, which none of them have done, but also to finally get them to just whip out their penises and see whose is the biggest so we can just end all this madness being waged in the name of religion, oil, democracy, politics, revenge, power, money, and all of the other things that really don t matter one bit in the great big grand scheme of things. I, for one, have had it. We either have to have a woman for president next term, or we have to have two people in office who can be honest, intelligent, and sensible. Forget political parties. Forget Bush and forget Kerry. If the former is brandishing his claim to fame as the war president and the latter is running ads touting his service as a Vietnam War soldier and now all but recanting his later anti-war activist work, then neither one of them deserves to lead us into the future. But it s not too late. Anyone can step in during that Democratic convention and lay himself or herself out for the vote. So it needs to be a woman maybe Hillary Clinton and maybe not or it needs to be a duel-party partnership between, say, Democrat Joe Biden and (sort of) Republican John McCain, two of the only politicians in the U.S. who can do an interview and actually answer a question without changing the subject and carving their answers down to three or four bumper-sticker catch phrases. So there. Just my ever so humble opinion. And now, here s a brief look at what s going on around town this week. Tonight, South African performer Tsidii Le Loka is at The Orpheum. Third Thursdays: Art After Dark at The Dixon at The Dixon Gallery and Gardens features In the Mix Music and Art that Rocks in conjunction with the 50th Anniversary of Rock N Roll, with live music by The Tennessee Boltsmokers and Memphis music veteran Rob Jungklas, along with a screening of the Memphis music documentary Buy This Record. Tonight s Sunset Atop the Madison Series party on the rooftop of downtown s Madison Hotel features live music by the beautiful and talented Kelly Hurt Trio. And that crazed DJ Ben-Wa is playing tunes at Automatic Slim s tonight.
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