Well, well. It seems that I have raised the ire of one of our loyal readers, who wrote in last week to tell me that Tim Sampson s column shows a complete lack of respect for President Bush. Every time Sampson refers to Mr. Bush as the Creature I am disgusted. Sampson apparently does not have the intellect to disagree with his president without this childish name-calling. In the Buddha-like words of Miss Manners, we ll refer to this writer as Gentle Reader. And to her I say, thank you, Gentle Reader, for your remarks, and I apologize. Well, I will in a moment. First I have to address this issue of you thinking George Bush is my president. Mr. Bush (see? I didn t even call him the Creature!) might be many, many things and believe me, he is but he is not my president. He wasn t even elected president by the people of the United States. As you might recall, after he lost the election to Al Gore by some half a million votes from the American people, the Supreme Court in the state where his brother is governor kind of, well, you know, handed it over to him on a technicality they concocted. You remember that, Gentle Reader? But back to my apology. Of course it does indeed show a lack of intellect to not be able to disagree without name-calling. So I done got smarter and went and looked up the meaning of that there word in The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, a book I feel certain Mr. Bush refers to often when he occasionally reads a newspaper. And look what I have found. The dictionary has several meanings for the word creature. One of those is Anything created. I guess I m not too far off the mark on that one, because his mother and father certainly created Mr. Bush. And he is very proud of them. He sent us into war because of his father s grudge against Saddam Hussein, and he still keeps his mother s picture on the front of the one-dollar bill. Another meaning of the word is A living being, especially an animal. Uh oh. I m right again! I m not sure if I really have to apologize at all now. But I ll continue. Yet another description of the word is A human being, often used with a suggestion of pity or contempt. A human being? Well, you ve got me on that one. I never meant to call him that. And for that I apologize. And here we go with yet another meaning: One dependent upon or subservient to another; a tool. Well, Gentle Reader, I ve got you on both of those. Your precious Mr. Bush is actually supposed to be subservient to we, the American people, but he doesn t seem to think that at all, and that s why he simply does whatever he wants with no regard whatever to millions of people think. And as for him being a tool, I am right again, because, Gentle Reader, you d be mighty hard-pressed to find a bigger prick unless you could capture the real threat that your president can t find, Osama bin Laden. So there. I apologize. From now on, since creature is really a matter of opinion and is rather subjective and shows a lack of intellect, I ll just call him something based on pure fact: the Liar. I hope that helps. In the meantime, here s a brief look at some of what s going on around town this week. Tonight, there s a Chef s Dinner at Memphis Brooks Museum of Art with Chef Jennifer Dickerson pairing wines with New American cuisine. There s a Billy Gibson CD-Release Party at the Bon-Ton CafÇ, with Charlie Wood, David Bowen, Jeff Burch, and Kevin Sheahan. And those rockabilly maniacs The Dempseys are at the Flying Saucer.
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