I love it. If you re one of those who got your undies in a wad when Clinton pardoned all those people upon leaving office, I m sure you re losing your mind over Saddam Hussein letting every Iraqi prisoner go free and granting amnesty to thousands of Iraqi exiles around the world all as a way of thanking to his fellow citizens for reelecting him as president with a 100-percent vote. What a fantastic public relations move. Not to mention a great way to save money. No prison system? No moolah needed to run it. It s almost as good as it would be if American politicians and political wannabes didn t have any campaign funding and couldn t run television commercials. Every time I see that inexplicable television ad with Van Hilleary standing next to a racecar, I want to push him in front of one while it s moving. But back to Hussein freeing all of Iraq s prisoners. Maybe we should think about some version of that. Take the recent robber, who may and may not have been caught yet, who held up a woman at gunpoint at a nail salon out on Winchester. It seems the man wore a reddish blond bob-cut wig with bangs and a leopard print pantsuit, and pulled his gun from a green purse with beige trim. Now, I know robbery is not a nice thing, but you have to hand it to the guy for creativity. Should this dastardly drag queen be locked up in prison for life for this? I guess if he d been a Catholic priest he could have gotten off scott free since they don t seem to have to abide by laws like the rest of us. I tell you who ought to be locked up is that Dr. Gott, the syndicated health columnist who appears on a regular basis in The Commercial Appeal. Just the other day he published a letter from a woman in her 70s who had undergone some kind of bladder re-suspension surgery to improve her sex life with her husband. This is the paper most people read early in the morning, and we have to read about some woman in her 70s wanting to have her bladder moved around so she can have better sex? In her letter, she laments, Now, a year later, the cystocele has returned, relations are uncomfortable, I suffer anal pressure and low back pain, and my vagina is completely filled by a bulge. Am I missing something or is being filled with a bulge not the point of all this? Then it goes on to explain how this kind of surgery can make your rectum fall down into your vagina and some other lovely stuff that NO ONE needs to be reading about while trying to get down that first cup of coffee and pack of cigarettes in the morning. And to top it all off, after the woman maintains that the messed-up vagina/rectum was the fault of the surgeon, to which Dr. Gott advised, I don t blame anybody for this; as they say on Nantucket: Fog happens. Fog happens? The woman s rectum is in her vagina (I m not doing anything that remotely resembles trying to concoct a mental image of this) and you want her shrug and say, Fog happens? I say, until we free all of the prisoners, lock up Dr. Gott with the cross-dressing crime spree person and let them talk it all out. In the meantime, here s a brief look at some of what s going on around town this week. Tonight, and I m not sure what all this involves, but Rap & Wrestling at the New Daisy sounds mightily promising. As does Cuban Motion in the M Bar at Melange, with live entertainment by internationally known percussionist Luis Stefanall and a few other surprises.
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