Criticize, criticize, criticize. Sometimes people can be so negative. Always one to want to keep the peace in my hometown that I love so dearly, I am going to go out on a limb here and say to Memphis, Quit being so hard on some of the Memphis City Schools Board members about those high-dollar chairs they tried to order. Sure, spending roughly seven grand on new chairs to sit in twice a month does seem a bit frivolous in light of all the school system s budget woes. But why not be constructive about this, rather than sending all of your ranting e-mails to the news stations web polls and dropping off those lawn chairs (pretty funny) and see if we can just get this behind us? To that end and with all due respect to The Commercial AppeaL s Jon Sparks, who tried to find them some cheaper seats I have done a little homework and a little personal shopping for you members of the board and found you some more affordable chairs and don t worry, they aren t electric. I looked into some chairs for you through a catalog and think I have found a solution: a line of chairs called Sparco Tufted Leather Seating that has some great features. For one, the chairs are covered in genuine leather with overstuffed cushions. Now for those of you with rear end soreness problems, this should come as very good news. It may not offer the almost cloud-like seating comfort as one of those donut cushions people sit on when they break their tailbone or have a little hemorrhoidal discomfort, but they are pretty sweet. The seats also have a waterfall design, which reduces leg fatigue. Now when you start jumping up and down in your chairs because of a little disagreement, you ll feel much better, physically. This might even help increase leg muscles, in case you have to get up and run at some point. Think of how much better you ll be at kickboxing during your meetings. The chairs also offer pneumatic seat height adjustment features. Now, I know that pneumatic is a big word, but trust me. This makes raising and lowering the seat very fast and easy. So if you have to duck under the table at some point to avoid a flying object during a meeting, you can just drop down automatically and be instantly out of harm s way. The chairs also swivel, so if you get the urge to take to spinning in circles, you are set to go. And then there s the locking tilt mechanism and tension control feature. Yes, tension control feature. Isn t this amazing? When things at the meetings get tense, you will have chairs to keep things under control. You won t even have to think or act like adults. The chairs will do it for you. That alone is a pretty good reason to go ahead and place the order for them. They have contemporary style arms and a five-star nylon base with dual-wheel casters. Five stars! How excited are you getting about this? And dual-wheel casters. That means you can roll around pretty easily. For those who don t want to run or jump up and down, you can just roll across the room in your chair and, if you like, head butt the other members much like Lobster Boy used to do in his wheelchair before his wife had him bludgeoned to death in his trailer in Florida. I simply see no drawbacks to this seating option. And for the real kicker, get this: your price just $199.00 each! Less than half of the price of the chairs on which you originally voted to buy. You ll be comfortable. You ll look good. You ll appear to be more fiscally responsible, and maybe the news hounds will lay off your backs. And whom do you have to thank for this? Just little ol me. And I don t mind at all. Just call them at 800-646-7334 today and say to yourselves, Wow! This guy really saved our butts! In the meantime, here s a quick peek at some of what s going on around town this week. Tonight (and tomorrow night), the Memphis Redbirds play Albuquerque at AutoZone Park. The Lannie McMillan Trio is playing at the Sunset Atop the Madison party on the rooftop of the Madison Hotel. And Sugar Cookie & The Cucarachas are at Wild Bill s.
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