Is anyone else out there as embarrassed for The United States as I am concerning the fact that, in a horrible economy, our tax dollars are paying for the Supreme Court, the highest court in the land, to spend their time arguing and writing long opinions on the topic of anal sex? Are we not still winding up two wars? Are most of our civil rights as U.S. citizens not in jeopardy with this new war on terror? Are there not more important issues to tend to, like whether raped mentally ill women with the emotional skills of a pre-schooler can get an abortion? No. Death row cases? Forget em. Our Supreme Court is busy duking it out over anal sex. Well, at least they were. But now that they approved the act as being a constitutional freedom when done consensually between two individuals in the privacy of their homes, based on case in Texas no less, it seems to finally be resolved. Which is good news for Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein. Yep, if you haven t already read it somewhere else, you can read it here. According to one of the most well-respected news publications in the world the Weekly World News, which is gaining even more respect now that their famous Bat Boy stories have made it to Broadway and Playhouse on the Square the two terrorists are nothing more than kissing killers, hiding out together in love nests in Pakistan, proving they are in bed together in more ways than one. No wonder we can t find either one of them. But we could soon because the WWN exclusive photo that accompanies the steamy article shows Saddam laid back in the tent with his head on Osama s chest, his arm reached up around his neck, and Osama holding a rose. Perhaps our intelligence department can study the photo and find the couple. But what they may also find is that not all is hunky dory in this little terrorist love tryst. According to the article, a CIA source said Saddam is extremely disappointed in Bin Laden s sexual prowess, opening complaining to Bin Laden, You are like the beak of a hummingbird or straw from the bale . . . too paltry to bring me pleasure. Meeee-owwww! I m sure most of you have used that line once or twice before. And this is not a good thing for the couple, according to WWW, which reports that Saddam has a penchant for hunky young men, a secret that came out in 1990 when, the paper says, French paparazzi caught him romancing an extremely well-endowed pool boy at a private compound in Baghdad. Osama, on the other hand, the CIA source reports, enjoys the company of goats and camels regularly. Maybe that s because his other lovers, like Saddam, laugh at his teenie weenie while the animals give him unconditional love. Gives new meaning to the phrase, I d walk a mile for a Camel, I guess. But as for their affair, the CIA source says it is far from over, which gives us that more potential for another terror strike from the two, even though They also wonder how Saddam keeps from crushing skinny Osama with that big fat gut of his. Well, I have always said that war is usually the result of male world leaders worrying about the size of their penises, and now I feel even more vindicated. And that the Supreme Court has legalized consensual sodomy between two males in Texas, they can just come on over to George s ranch and have get a piece I mean, have a peace summit. After all, they d be dealing with a Bush, a Dick, and a Colin. We ll just have to wait and see. In the meantime, here s a brief look at some of what s going on around town this week. Tonight, the Orpheum Summer Classic Movie series feature is Raiders of the Lost Ark, preceded by a trivia contest, a classic short cartoon, and a Wurlitzer organ concert. Native Son, Joy Mitchell, and Krysilus are at Otherlands Coffee Bar. At tonight s Sunset Atop the Madison Series on the rooftop of the Madison Hotel, there s live jazz by The Lannie McMillan Trio. And for yet more live jazz by some of the best in town, tonight s Louis Armstrong Tribute at Isaac Hayes features, among others, Herman Green, Joyce Cobb, James Austin, Chris Parker, and the ever fabulous Kelley Hurt (if you missed the story on Kelley in last week s Commercial Appeal, find a copy and read it).
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