What a lovely way to start the week. First of all, there was that nasty letter to me in last week s issue of the Flyer from a man commenting on parts of my anatomy I really don t think he should be giving so much thought to. It was actually very funny and I commend the gentleman for his interest. Then I read about a brutal murder that took place in a nursing home, and it just happens to be the one in which my grandmother resides.
The shooting took place in the room directly next door to the one she just moved out of, and it seems that her old room now has bullet holes covering one wall. You d think they d knock a little off her bill for a thing like that. And if that wasn t bad enough, I also just watched a PBS documentary about Liberace. And while the sequined cars, pianos, and matching outfits were disturbing enough, they paled in comparison to the footage of the piano virtuoso in a hot tub while in his 50s, the sight of which was not only not very pretty but doubly troubling because his physique at the time looked very much like mine does now. Ouch!!! How am I to remain sane in this world I was brought into with no say-so?
And to make matters worse, as a proud Southerner I was appalled while watching the weekend edition of the Today show recently, when what s-his-name the weatherperson was outside interviewing the freaks who gather and wave at the camera with pictures of their babies and asked a woman to whom she wanted to say hello, to which she replied, My dawg. Hey, Possum. Mama luuuvs yeeeeeeeeeew! She would have been the perfect person to interview about a major disaster, since the media always seem to single out someone with just a few teeth, a mullet, and a command of the English language that defies explanation.
BUT, speaking of missing teeth and mullets, there is good — very, very, very good — news on the horizon. And if a television network can be knighted or given saint status or the highest medal of honor that can be bestowed upon someone or an organization for doing fine work for the United States of America, I say let s give it up for Fox.
They just announced that for the upcoming Celebrity Boxing show, rather than having Amy Long Island Lolita Fisher in the ring with former skating star and American icon Tonya Harding, they are going to pair the fried blonde with — drumroll, please — yes, Paula Jones. Suddenly, the world seems like a much brighter place. The shin-buster meets the culotte queen. There are going to be more split ends in that ring than a broom factory. I can t think of anything that could be better than this. And Paula, bless her heart, has said that she s not worried about the fight; she s just concerned about her new nose job getting whacked out of place. To which I must say, Paula, honey, it really wouldn t matter. At all. No amount of plastic surgery performed by even the most talented team of surgeons can undo or fix a nose or face like that.
The boxing match, however, might help. At least it has put her back in the limelight after a long absence and the reentrance is long overdue. Take some steroids, girl, and let ol Tanya have it. Or vice versa. It s a win-win situation, no matter how you look at it. Let s just hope every sports bar in the country is revved up and ready for this one.
In the meantime, here s a brief look at some of what s going on around town this week. If you are reading this on Wednesday the 6th, as many of you do, and if you ve never been to the Memphis Troubadours Music Showcase at the Lounge, you re missing out on one of the best things Memphis has to offer. The featured artists are two-time Grammy winner and multiple Dove Award-winner Bruce Carroll, and multiple Dove Award-winner and Ardent recording artist Steve Wiggins. Should be quite the gospel extravaganza. As for Thursday, tonight at Southwest Tennessee Community College (Shelby State, for those who can t keep up), The Trials of Brother Jero opens, a play by Nobel Prize-winning playwright Wole Soyinka about a religious leader in Nigeria during the 1960s. Ballet Memphis is presenting an Emerging Choreographers Showcase called Momentum tonight at Buckman Performing and Fine Arts Center. And The Memphis Grizzlies, whom we should still love despite the recent losing streak, are playing Indiana tonight at The Pyramid.
