WE RECOMMEND (THE GOOD PART)

Ah, less than a month in office and The Great and Powerful Beady-eyed One has already launched a missile attack on Iraq, thereby strengthening the devotion to that country’s leader, Saddam Hussein, and giving the craziest country in the world reason to retaliate against us. Nice touch, George. Blow up some houses in a village of innocent people. Hope the Iraqis know you weren’t really elected as our president and that it’s not our fault. And did you have to call your father and ask him, “Hey, Pop. Which country was it again that you hated so much and went to war against to save that little country where we were getting all the oil? I want to bomb ‘em, too. I want to, I want to, I want to!”? Or did it just occur to you to do so while talking to the Nalle Elementary School in D.C. earlier this month, when you told the students, “One reason I like to highlight reading is, reading is the beginnings of the ability to be a good student. And if you can’t read, it’s going to be hard to realize dreams; it’s going to be hard to go to college. So when your teachers say, Read — you ought to listen to her”? Yes, the education president speaks again. But enough about him. Makes my skin crawl to write about him. And I wish the Clintons had taken the curtains off the windows at the White House when they left. Peeled off the wallpaper. Taken all the light bulbs. Pocketed a few doorknobs. They deserve anything they want after eight years of being harassed on a daily basis by all the people who had nothing better to do than waste billions of our tax dollars trying to smear them. And while I feel sorry for Rudolph Giuliani because he has cancer, how much of a loser is he for stepping in and messing up the lease negotiations for Clinton’s new office in Harlem? Jerk. Can you tell someone had to get up far too early on a Sunday morning to write this and is in no frame of mind to do so? Like I care about ANY of it. I sure do wish I could smoke at my desk here at the office where I work. I’d probably have a lot fewer enemies. Or, as George W. would likely put it, “enemas.” I can hear that one now: “Yes, we have our enemas. But if we deal with them in the correctol way and try not to have too many enemas, then we will not have to declarate war again and will not have to have wrecked ‘em.” It’s only a matter of time, rest assured.