WE RECOMMEND (THE GOOD PART)

My, my, but I have gotten some rather vicious e-mails this week. I just want the writers to know that yes, the Flyer forwarded them to me at my real job and thanks for the insight about how wrong I am in thinking that our new president is somewhat less than a genius. I guess I was just jumping the gun. I particularly enjoyed the letter from one writer who chastised me for whatever I’d written, told me what opinions were like (a certain part of the body that I won’t mention in print), and then proceeded to give me hers. Let’s see, what was that e-mail address again? Nah, don’t worry, I’d never print it here. But I do have it. And I plan to respond by thanking you for your input about Georgie. I’m sure that when he said, at a White House press conference on February 22nd, “I have said that the sanction regime is like Swiss cheese– that meant they weren’t very effective,” it was just a slip-up of some kind. And how proud the first lady must be, given her recent announcement that educational matters would be her top priority, to have heard her husband say in Townsend, Tennessee, the previous day, “You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.” I bet her can. (You know, I don’t make these statements up. No one could.) I also hope you read the cover story in The Commercial Appeal’s “Appeal” section this past Sunday, about Rev. Elizabeth Toles, who has for decades been making predictions for various people and institutions, almost all of which come true. Her most staggering predictions were that George W. Bush wouldn’t make it through a full term and that Bill Clinton will hold a position in the Bush administration. Hmm. Now, that is interesting. I can tell you now why Bush isn’t going to make it. Has anyone else noticed that his already close-together eyes are gradually moving even closer toward each other? Well, they are. Must be from all that late-night speech-writing, trying to figure out why sanctions are like Swiss cheese. Before long, those eyes are going to merge into one, and we’re going to have a cyclops on our hands. How in the world can the United States have a president travel around and meet with leaders of other countries and talk about Swiss cheese sanctions with just one eye? As for Clinton serving in the administration, perhaps he’ll do so as Bush’s speechwriter to help solve some of the problems inherent in having a president that doesn’t have a grip on his nation’s language and basic rules of grammar. Clinton could write the speeches, Bush could read them to the press and public, having no idea what half of them mean because of all the big words, and they could include lots of information about Bush’s other brother, the one in Colorado, who was one of the main crooks in the great S&L scandal but got off without any charges because of dear old Dad. That would take the heat off of Clinton for his pardons and those of you who hate him so vehemently might like him a little more and he could step up and take the job back from our one-eyed president. Oh, well. I doubt it will ever happen, but one can dream. In the meantime, keep those letters coming, and here’s a look at what’s going on around town this week.