Categories
Cover Feature News

Damn the Torpedoes!

Harold Byrd, suited up to the nines, his mane of gone-white hair crowning his tanned, smiling face, is being hit on by two matrons who recognize him from the Bank of Bartlett commercials which he, the bank’s president, is spokesman for. The three of them are standing in line at Piccadilly cafeteria on Poplar near Highland, waiting to pay their lunch checks.

“Oh, he looks just like he does on television,” coos one of the women, while the other nods with what is either real or mock mournfulness. “And his wife came and took him away from us! Isn’t that a shame?”

At 56, Byrd is unmarried, but he does not correct this misapprehension. He merely keeps the smile on — the characteristically toothy one which, together with his quite evident fitness, a product of daily runs and workouts, makes him look younger than his age — and says, “Thank you.”

Later, as he is leaving the restaurant, Byrd observes, with evident sincerity, “They made my day.” And just in case his companion might have missed it, he notes with a wink the greeting he got from another, younger woman.

All this attention and well-wishing has to be a welcome consolation for Byrd, given the predicament he now finds himself in: Horatio at the Gate against what he sees as Mayor Willie Herenton’s expensive and ill-conceived scheme to develop the Fairgrounds, with a brand-new football stadium as the pièce de résistance.

Justin Fox Burks

Byrd is on a mission to demonstrate that a better solution is at hand, one long overdue — namely, the long-deferred construction of a quality football stadium on campus at the University of Memphis, one which he says would cost no more than $100 million, as against the vaguely calculated sums, ranging from $125 million upwards, associated with the mayor’s plan.

Byrd is more than just another citizen with an opinion. He is a member of the university’s Board of Visitors, he is a former president of its Alumni Association, and he was the first president of the Tiger Scholarship Fund. More than all of that, Byrd — the holder himself of undergraduate and graduate degrees from the University of Memphis — has been, for decades now, one of the best-known public faces associated with university causes, athletic and otherwise.

His annual bank-sponsored pre-game buffets, held at the Fairgrounds before every Tiger home opener, draw huge crowds, teeming with the high and mighty and hoi polloi alike. He is either the host or the featured speaker at literally scores of university-related occasions each year, and there is no such thing as a fund-raising campaign for the university in which he does not figure largely.

Byrd’s prominence on the University of Memphis booster scene rivals that of athletic director R.C. Johnson or U of M president Shirley Raines and precedes the coming of either.

It must be painful, Byrd’s companion suggests, as they head for an on-campus tour of the site Byrd favors for a new stadium, that he now finds himself somewhat at loggerheads with both of these figures.

He agrees. He expresses what sounds like sincere regret that he doesn’t have the kind of impressively remote bearing that he associates with a variety of other civic figures — cases in point being Michael Rose, the longtime local entrepreneur and new chairman of First Tennessee Bank, and Otis Sanford, editorial director of The Commercial Appeal.

“I wish I could play my cards closer to the vest,” he laments. “I guess I’m too Clintonesque. I tell everybody everything!”

Byrd admits, “I may make people nervous,” but, as he says, by way of reminding both himself and his companion, “I think people are still talking to me, I think people still like me.”

Byrd is doubtless correct in that assumption, though there is no doubting that he does, in fact, “make people nervous” — and will continue to, so long as Athletic Director Johnson maintains his public stance of support for a Fairgrounds stadium (one, however, as Byrd notes, that has undergone some modification of late) and President Raines keeps her cautious distance from any particular proposal.

Harold Byrd’s diagram of his preferred site for an on-campus football stadium at the University of Memphis. All facilities are shown as they currently exist except for the stadium itself, which would occupy an expanse now filled by four dormitories all due for demolition, according to U of M officials.

At a recent meeting of the university Board of Visitors, Byrd laid out his vision for an on-campus arena — specifying no less than five acceptable sites.

Site Number One, which Byrd prefers, is a terrain adjoining Zach Curlin Drive on the eastern fringe of the university’s main campus. It would stretch from an open parkland in the vicinity of the Ned R. McWherter Library on the north down to the area of the old University Fieldhouse on the south. As Byrd notes, four dormitory buildings which now occupy the land are shortly to be razed.

“There’s our Grove!” he says excitedly of the available open expanse near the library — evoking the pre-game gatherings of fans on the campus of the University of Mississippi before games at the school’s on-campus Vaught-Hemingway Stadium.

Site Number Two, “which I like almost as much,” Byrd says, is a roomy area along Southern Avenue south of the university’s main administration buildings. Adjacent to an existing athletic complex and athletic dorms, the area consists mainly of parking lots right now.

Site Number Three is the large area that stretches from Patterson west to Highland and northward to Central. “The university owns most of the houses in this area,” says Byrd, and a tour of the zone indicates that, just as he says, most of the edifices, some now used as fraternity houses, many rented out to students, have seen their better days.

Site Number Four is the area just north of Central, partially university-owned, partially requiring some eminent-domain clearance. “I think that one would be more complicated,” Byrd says, though he notes that other university figures, who for the moment are keeping their own counsel, are more keen on it.

And Site Number Five, lastly, is the relatively sprawling area of the university’s South Campus, bordered on the north by Park Avenue. “That wouldn’t be as good as one located directly on the main campus, where most of the students are, but even it would be better by far than the Liberty Bowl.”

Byrd’s enthusiasm for the on-campus sites — especially for the Zach Curlin Drive alternative — is somewhat contagious, but when he made two elaborate presentations recently, one to a meeting of the Board of Visitors, another to an alumni group, there were few among his hearers who were willing to put themselves on the line as being in agreement with him.

“But you wouldn’t believe how many people came up to me afterward and said they thought I had the right idea,” Byrd says. He provides a list of influential people, both on and off campus. “I have no right to speak in their name,” he says, but they are likely to concur.

The first two contacted are much as advertised. Lawyer Jim Strickland, a member of the university alumni group who has launched a campaign for the City Council, is almost as keen on the Zach Curlin site as Byrd is, and Jim Phillips, president of the biometric firm Luminetx, takes time out from a meeting of his board to extol Byrd’s thinking in general terms.

At a recent gathering, prominent developer Henry Turley and University of Memphis professor David Acey were in conversation and were asked what they thought of Byrd’s proposals. “He’s passionate!” Turley exclaimed appreciatively, but the developer, who has interests of his own in the university, wondered where the money would come from. Acey’s concern had to do with space.

Justin Fox Burks

Apprised of this, Byrd noted that the same objections might apply, to greater or lesser degree, to the Fairgrounds site, and he insisted that better solutions were at hand at the university once people began to join him in thinking in that direction. Only a dearth of leadership has kept that from happening so far, Byrd says.

Byrd expresses admiration for both Herenton and his Shelby County mayoral counterpart, A C Wharton, though he finds the former figure a bit imperious and the latter one inclined to be more a “moderator” than a leader per se. He still hopes that both can be converted to a vision something like his own for a regeneration of the university campus that becomes the springboard for progress in the community at large.

“Every other university in the state has on-campus football and basketball sites,” Byrd notes, and he reels off a list of universities in the nation that have in the last few years constructed such facilities: “Louisville, Connecticut, Missouri, Central Florida, Florida Atlantic, North Texas, University of Tennessee at Chattanooga, Minnesota, Gonzaga … Those are just a few. There have to be 20 or more of them. Have we done it right or has everybody else done it wrong?”

It is the experience of the University of Louisville, in particular, that most animates Byrd. As he points out, that school had, until a generation ago, been primarily an urban-based commuter school with an athletic reputation in basketball. As Memphis fans well know, in fact, the Louisville Cardinals were the basketball Tigers’ chief rivals until recently — when they left Conference-USA for richer pickings in the more prestigious Big East conference, where the Cardinals now figure as a power in both basketball and football.

And there, Byrd contends, but for the aforesaid lack of vision on the part of university and civic officials, would have gone the Tigers and their supporters and the larger community served by the university. As Byrd sees it, Louisville launched its Great Leap Forward in 1992 when Howard Schellenberger became football coach and declared that his goal was for Louisville to play for a national championship.

“For $63 million — that’s all — they built a 40,000-seat stadium on campus. It replaced an old one several miles away, kind of like the Liberty Bowl. They’ve just made a quantum leap, and now they do contend for the national championship!”

How much would it cost for the University of Memphis to build a facility that might lead to the same result? Byrd reflects. “As a banker, I contend that we could build a first-rate collegiate stadium seating something like 50,000 people on campus for $100 million.” He contrasts that figure to estimates as high as $150 million for the facility Mayor Herenton envisions for the Fairgrounds.

And how would an on-campus stadium be financed?

Obligingly, Byrd does the arithmetic. There will be so much for naming rights (à la Louisville’s Papa John’s Stadium or, for that matter, FedExForum). So much from student fees. (“They’re building a new $45 million University Center right now on the basis of a modest increase in student tuition,” Byrd says. “Don’t you think students would be totally excited to walk to an on-campus facility? And our fees would still be the lowest in the state.”) So much from signage and from sale of suites and from organized fund-raising campaigns of the sort Byrd is a seasoned veteran of.

The problem, as Byrd sees it, is that the university has historically let itself get sidetracked from the clear and evident duty of completing its on-campus presence, which is what the fact of self-contained athletic facilities would amount to. Memphis’ state-supported university, he notes again, is the only facility in Tennessee so deprived.

With some chagrin, he acknowledges that he himself, both as chairman of the Shelby County delegation during his service as a state representative in the 1970s and later as an active university booster, acceded to the series of athletic structures and arenas built elsewhere — the Liberty Bowl (then known as Memorial Stadium) and the Mid-South Coliseum in the mid-’60s and, more reluctantly, the Pyramid downtown.

“Downtown was always the only other location for putting a first-class facility, where there was an infrastructure in place that could profit from it, but the Pyramid was NBA-unacceptable from the inception, and I told them so.”

Byrd sighs. “The leaders of government at that time were fearful of the taxpayers and more worried about that rather than building the facility like it should have been built. The result was that it ended up costing us more rather than less.”

And the irony, Byrd says, is that the university was then, as it would be now under Herenton’s proposed Fairgrounds development, the prime source of revenue support for all these city facilities — up to as much as 90 percent, and 50 percent even for FedExForum, which is totally under the control of the NBA’s Grizzlies.

“Flying into Memphis, you notice the Pyramid, the Liberty Bowl, and the Coliseum,” says Byrd. “They represent over $500 million in today’s dollars if you had to replace those facilities, and they’re all about to be either mothballed or destroyed. They’re not in imminent danger of encountering footballs or basketballs — they’re in danger of the wrecking ball! They must not have been in the right place to begin with if they need to be torn down now.”

Why, then, repeat that error by rebuilding something else new and shiny and expensive, but doomed to obsolescence, at the Fairgrounds? Byrd recalls city councilman Dedrick Brittenum saying, in a discussion about the proposed new venues, that whatever went in at the Fairgrounds should be built to last 30 or 40 years.

“Thirty or 40 years! That’s no time at all. What we need is to create a traditional site — like Neyland Stadium at the University of Tennessee. That goes all the way back to the 1920s!”

Byrd recalls that the old University Fieldhouse, adjacent to his preferred site for a stadium on the eastern edge of the U of M campus, once served as an on-site facility for Tiger basketball games during the period in the late 1950s and early 1960s when the university was coming of age as a national power in that sport. “What if they’d kept on going and expanded it and built a state-of-the-art facility there?”

He acknowledges having signed off as a state legislator on construction of both the Mid-South Coliseum as a replacement for the fieldhouse and the Liberty Bowl.

“If we’d put them in the right place, on campus, 20 million people would have visited that campus in the years since 1965. What would be the effect of having 20 million on the University of Memphis campus during that time?”

He ticks off several imagined consequences — increased donations, an enlarged study body, a developed social-fraternity infrastructure, a better-paid and more prestigious faculty. In short, a big-league university instead of the perpetually hand-to-mouth institution that is the University of Memphis today.

“We’ve got wonderful programs there. A speech and hearing center, a new school of music, a beautiful library.” He lists several other glories of the university, all, he contends, hidden more or less under a bushel. “When I talk to my fellow members of the Board of Visitors or the other university groups I belong to, I ask them, how many times have you actually visited the university when it wasn’t in the line of duty? It’s almost always very seldom or never.”

Byrd is realistic. He knows it’s too late to create a basketball arena on campus. FedExForum, which, as he sees it, has its own virtues, will serve that purpose. But football is another matter. Not only would it have enormous impact on the university itself with eight football dates a year, including the annual Southern Heritage Classic and Liberty Bowl events, plus innumerable concerts. “As a state facility, the stadium would be exempt from all those restrictions the Grizzlies put on other facilities,” he says. “Altogether, we should attract a million people the first year alone.”

As for the surrounding community, says Byrd, “The mayor talks about using tax-increment financing to redevelop the area around the Fairgrounds. Why not use it instead to build up the area around the university? The only thing that’s been built around the Fairgrounds in recent years is Will’s Barbecue, and it closed years ago. There are lots of existing businesses in the university area. They’ve paid their dues, and they deserve the support this would give.”

Like someone reluctantly confiding a secret, Byrd says, “Most people think the university is operating on a plan, but they’re not. They don’t have the kind of Teddy Roosevelt, damn-the-torpedoes, full-speed-ahead outlook that we had under Sonny Humphreys [university president during its major expansion era in the 1950s and 1960s]. We’ve had a dearth of leadership. R.C. and President Raines are waiting on Herenton. They should have their own vision, to get everybody together … .”

He takes a breath and continues:

“If that were allowed to happen, it would be amazing.”

Harold Byrd makes it clear that he is prepared to damn the torpedoes and go full-speed ahead and to keep on recommending, and seeking, that kind of amazement. And, sooner or later, he fully expects to have some serious company in that endeavor.

Categories
Theater Theater Feature

Stowe It

IAin’t Yo’ Uncle is a moderately effective political burlesque that puts a comically liberalized vision of Harriet Beecher Stowe on trial for crimes against complexity. Insulting stereotypes in her book Uncle Tom’s Cabin — a landmark work of abolitionist fiction and a catalyst for the Civil War — are used as evidence against her as she is tried by a panel of her most famous characters, including Uncle Tom, George Shelby, and the unforgettable “Topsy Turvy.” Having acquired life and meaning independent of Stowe’s novel, the characters decide to retell her famous story in an overtly theatrical manner, focusing on everything the writer “left out.”

Considering that even honest Abe Lincoln, the Great Emancipator, still believed in the superiority of the white race, criticisms of this kind are perhaps a little too easy, and success or failure of Robert Alexander’s ambitiously stylized play hinges less on its specific points and more on the illusion and artifice required to make and sustain them. I Ain’t Yo’ Uncle is, at its core, a thumbnail sketch for a clown show, and it absolutely requires a company of trained actors who know their way around all the grotesque stock characters born of minstrelsy and melodrama.

Although the Hattiloo Theatre’s current production boasts some truly inspired moments, the show has been sped up, stripped down, and sanitized for mass consumption. And in spite of committed performances by veteran actors like Jamie Mann and promising newcomers like Charlie Giggers, it never fully captures either the rebellious or the ridiculous sides of a confusing and contradictory play.

In this all-black production, white characters and characters passing for white are outfitted with large rubber animal noses which immediately call to mind the casually racist images found in early cartoons by Warner Bros. and Walt Disney. This could have been a bold and effective choice, but the cast is never able to develop the play’s more cartoonish elements into a cohesive style. As a result, we’re only allowed to fully explore the tangible relationship between Ain’t Yo’ Uncle and Merry Melodies when the cast is called to tap out organic beats for “Topsy Turvy” to rap over.

Mann’s Uncle Tom has a critical eye and a morbidly subversive edge that belies his otherwise submissive image. He is a willing Christ figure with no use for Christianity, a religion that normalizes suffering. Mann also imbues his character with startling self-awareness, and an easy, stomach-turning confession that his murder will “stay in your face” may be this production’s most revolutionary moment. Mann’s Tom is contrasted with the more incendiary figure of George Shelby (Giggers), who has been recast as a gun-toting revolutionary destined to die at the end of a hangman’s rope. Neither, it would seem, are effective saviors for the fatherless and motherless children of the diaspora as represented by the fiercely intelligent but ultimately rudderless character of “Topsy Turvy” who, in the capable hands of Adrienne Houston, sounds less like a product of the Old South and more like a refugee from the more hopeless quarters of modern Memphis, where getting by is often more important than getting over.

On Saturday night, before the show began, Hattiloo’s executive director, Ekundayo Bandele, welcomed his audience and issued a gentle warning. “You’re going to hear the word ‘nigger’ a lot,” he said. And then he repeated the word a few more times so everybody could “get comfortable with it.” Although Bandele’s intentions were at least as honorable as Stowe’s, from a purely semiotic perspective, this probably wasn’t the best way to begin a highly confrontational play about how easily language can tyrannize the user. “Nigger” isn’t a word we’re supposed to be comfortable with, and Bandele’s earnest apology nearly undermined every ounce of his stridently unapologetic play’s satire.

Since Bandele is currently working as theater manager, director, set designer, and carpenter, it’s easy to understand why he might be stretched a little thin and why a show as complicated as I Ain’t Yo’ Uncle might hit the stage full of good ideas but a little undercooked. Still, it comes highly recommended to students of experimental theater as well as to theatergoers who enjoy the dark comedy and revisionist spirit of plays like The Trial of One Short Sighted Black Woman and Stonewall Jackson’s House.

Through March 18th

Categories
Book Features Books

Grave Thoughts

In a glowing review in The New York Times of Jim Harrison’s ninth and newest novel, Returning to Earth, the reviewer, Will Blythe, itemizes what he calls “Jim Harrison’s Five Rules for Zestful Living,” based on Harrison’s celebrated body of work. Those rules are:

1) “Eat well … avoiding the ninny diets and mincing cuisines that demonize appetite and make unthinkable a tasty snack of hog jowls.”

2) “Pursue love and sex. … Doing it outdoors on stumps, in clearings and even swarmed by mosquitoes is particularly recommended.”

3) “Welcome animals, especially bears, ravens and wolves, into your waking and dream life.”

4) “Rather than lighting out for territory, we ought to try living in it.”

5) “[L]ove the detour. Take the longest route between two points, since the journey is the thing, a notion to which … we all pay lip service but few of us indulge.”

I don’t know about you, but I’m good for four out of five. Yes, I’ve eaten hog jowl. Yes, I’ve welcomed animals into my life — dogs, though, not bears, ravens, and wolves. And yes, whatever the “territory,” I guess I’ve tried living in it. But no, I’ve never had sex on a stump. But yes, I’ve indulged in a detour. I have taken the longest route between two points: the seemingly unending distance between page 1 and page 280 of Returning to Earth. Where did the journey, which is the “thing,” get me? To wondering.

In Part I of the book, we follow the dictation of Donald, who is 45 and in a sick bed dying of Lou Gehrig’s disease. He’s part-Chippewa, used to work in construction, and lives in Marquette, Michigan — way up in the Upper Peninsula. His wife Cynthia, 44, is the one taking down Donald’s words, and during the course of that dictation we learn that Donald and Cynthia are the parents of a son named Herald (a grad student in mathematics at Caltech) and a daughter named Clare, who also lives in California and wants to work for wardrobe in the movie business. Clare is carrying off and on (has been since the two were teenagers) with K, who attends the University of Michigan. That’s “K” for Kenneth, the son of Polly, who used to be married to David, who is Cynthia’s brother, which makes Clare and K step-cousins — step-cousins, not cousins, because K’s biological father was a Vietnam vet who used to be married to Polly, but he died in a motorcycle accident. As for David, he’s in love with Vera, who lives in Mexico, the country she fled to, pregnant, after David’s alcoholic father, David Sr., raped her when the girl was 12. (Jesse, Vera’s Mexican father, used to work for David Sr. Donald, besides doing construction, worked as David Sr.’s handyman, which is how Donald and Cynthia met.) All this then: background to dying Donald and his Native-American visions of bears and ravens and wolves.

Part II of Returning to Earth is K’s side of things, and in this section’s closing pages, Herald injects Donald with a lethal dose of phenobarbital mixed with Dilantin, after which Donald is lowered into a grave, Cynthia and Clare at his side, and Donald dies. It’s the way he wanted to go. Here’s how the rest of Returning to Earth goes:

Part III is David’s view of things four months after the death of his brother-in-law. Part IV is Cynthia’s view of things five months after the death of her husband.

What do we learn? I’m still wondering. Seems everybody’s trying to fill the vacuum created by Donald’s noble dying — except for Clare, who goes from wanting to become a wardrobe mistress to wanting to become a bear, and Flower, Donald’s father’s Chippewa cousin, is just the woman to teach her metaphysically how. Crazy? It beats the mind-numbingly aimless narrative of interlocking lives we’re treated to for a couple hundred pages.

Categories
Opinion The Last Word

The Rant

Okay. I have had it with the climbers. They are eating away a piece of my soul. I saw the other day that yet another group of people made the brilliant decision to make the difficult trek up Mount Hood in Oregon in a blinding snowstorm. Maybe it wasn’t snowing when they started their climb. And maybe the

snow wasn’t even predicted. I don’t know. But, damn it, it is WINTER, and it snows in winter, and when you get on that mountain, as we’ve seen in recent months, it can snow, and if you are climbing, you are screwed. But no. This other group made the climb, one of them fell off a cliff, the others got banged up, they almost froze to death, and rescue teams had to spend who knows how much money and manpower to rescue them. Well, they are idiots. And instead of being told that by the media, they were heralded as heroes for surviving, and they spent a great amount of time on television being interviewed about what it was like to be stranded on the mountain in the snow. I wish I had been the one interviewing them so I could have asked them why they were stupid enough to climb the mountain in the snow and why they couldn’t just spend their time sitting in a bar and smoking like normal people. I almost said that to someone from Los Angeles visiting Memphis recently. She asked the age-old obnoxious out-of-towner question in that really whiny, horrible tone of voice: “Where are all the people in Memphis? Why aren’t people out walking everywhere?” I was having to be nice, so I bit my tongue. I really wanted to say, “Shut up! They’re all in bars smoking and eating cheeseburgers like real people. Put your freaking BlackBerry down, get off of your cellphone, and shut up about people not being on the street walking! And they’re not out climbing a mountain in a freaking zero-visibility blizzard! They’re probably at home watching American Idol and wondering why Paula Abdul looks like she spent the show’s season break somewhere in a jungle subsisting on nothing more than plants whose makeup includes some incredibly hallucinogenic properties that haven’t worn off yet. Her inexplicably bad facial work does not really help, either, not to mention that appearance on a television news broadcast out of Seattle during which she appeared to have robbed a pharmacy. Oh, how I wish I had been with her, because she was obviously feeling no pain whatsoever. If so, those bangs of hers would be killing her face. People here are not out walking because they are at home drinking and smoking and watching the latest news on Anna Nicole Smith, so just shut up!” Speaking of which, I have not been following that saga, but I do wonder if they have buried her body yet. And I swear I did look up at the television the other morning and saw a judge-turned-news-analyst and I KNEW HER. Ah, the six degrees of separation or Kevin Bacon — or whatever it is. I hope she doesn’t know George Bush or Dick Cheney, because that would mean I know someone who knows them and that would make me queasy. Is George Bush still even the president? I think, other than mentioning him here, and I don’t know why I am doing that, I have pretty much successfully forgotten all about him. I did catch part of a press conference a few weeks ago, and I do believe that his eyes have gotten even more close together and monkey-like than they were the last time I saw him. And he still crosses them when someone asks him a question he doesn’t want to answer, either because he doesn’t understand it or have an answer or because it’s a question with only one answer and it’s one that’s going to make him appear to be even more stupid than he usually appears. If that is even possible at this point. But who cares anymore? He’s probably on vacation anyway. Maybe he will get off that mountain bike and go climb Mount Hood in a blizzard. One can only dream. In the meantime, I have to go catch the latest on Anna Nicole because I am actually the father of her baby.

Categories
Politics Politics Feature

Can Would-Be Mayor Morris Paint Himself Out of His Corner?

by JACKSON BAKER

After opening his mayoral campaign Wednesday afternoon at The Peabody with a
formal announcement event that had its ups and downs, former MLGW head Herman
Morris regrouped with a sizeable group of supporrters later in the evening at
the Botanic Gardens.

The gathering had a well-heeled look to it. Good wine,
elegant canapés, and hors d’oeuvres were to be had, and the room teemed with a
crowd that was clearly well above the median, income-wise.

That was ironic, given Morris’ use of the term “Tale of Two
Cities” earlier in the day to describe a city riven between the prosperous and
the poor. Though clearly upscale, his crowd was racially diverse,
however, in keeping with the candidate’s emphasis at his opening on being a
bridge between the races.

In his remarks at the evening event, Morris was fluent and
obviously comfortable with his audience, and his resonant bring-us-together
rhetoric, coupled with his aura (and stated promise) of professionalism, was
just what the crowd was looking for.

In a few scant hours, Morris had manifestly improved as a
speaker and seemed already to have grasped that practice would make him, if not
perfect, then at least good enough to compete. If he had a failing on this first
night of campaigning, it was a difficulty in finding the right way to close.
Sooner or later, of course, all rookie politicians come to realize that only
Tchaikovsky could get away with five finales to the same set-piece. In the
event, what Morris did was spin from one exhortatory coda to another until his
wife more or less concluded for him, with a pitch to supporters to buy prints of
one of his oil paintings, which were on display in an exhibit room just around
the corner

The candidate’s paintings – well crafted and traditionally
done — were, as they say, worth the price of admission, and several of the big
spenders gladly sprung for the selected print, a ploughing scene involving a man
and a mule and called, curiously enough, “Self Portrait.”

Should it come to pass that Morris does indeed get elected
mayor, the evidence of his oils was that he could probably do his own bona fide
self portrait to hang in the Hall of Mayors at City Hall. And there was a spirit
to the affair Wednesday night that anything might be possible.

But that could be illusory. Councilwoman Carol Chumney is
in the field, after all – and is sure to remain there, come what may. Morris and
his supporters all acknowledge that. And it would seem obvious that the two
challengers – Chumney with her following of disestablishmentarians and
barnburners, Morris with his bi-racial elite corps – would end up splitting the
same anti-Herenton vote. John Willingham will get some votes, too – though the
former county commissioner has by now taken on the aura of a perennial candidate
and seems destined to bring up the rear.

But at least Herman Morris, after all the prior talk and
anticipation, was finally hitched up to his plough. It’s up to him now to sow as
he will and reap what he can.

Categories
News

Weight-Loss Reality Show Casting in Memphis

The producers of TV’s Supernanny are currently casting for an upcoming reality show, which will have overweight men and women competing in physical and mental challenges. They’ll be in Memphis next month for casting.

Participants must be 50 or more pounds overweight and must be able to take off for 10 weeks to devote to filming.

The producers shouldn’t have any trouble finding potential candidates while they’re in town, as Memphis is consistently ranked as one of the nation’s fattest cities. That’s the case again this year in Men’s Fitness annual survey. The good news? Last year, Memphis was ranked 6th. This year, we’ve fallen to 12th.

Categories
Politics Politics Feature

Zach Wamp is Sweating With the Oldies

Congressional press releases are typically self-serving and, well, boring. But sometimes you get one that makes you go hmmm. This latest effort from 3rd District Rep. Zach Wamp being a case in point. We’re still trying to figure out how Wamp and Richard Simmons hooked up. But perhaps that’s better left unexplored.

The occasion for this splendid photo op? A bill sponsored by Wamp and fellow congressman Ron Kind designed to introduce physical education classes into the No Child Left Behind program.

Simmons said: “There remains only a ghost of physical education walking the halls of many schools in the United States today. Fitness has become a ghostly presence! This must change, and sooner rather than later.”

A ghostly presence? Um, okay. But this whole thing has us spooked.

Categories
Politics Politics Feature

Cohen on Colbert Report Thursday night – ‘Nuff Said

We hereby shamelessly remind you of Flyer Politics editor Jackson Baker’s prediction that new 9th district congressman Steve Cohen would attract unprecedented attention in Washington, D.C.

In fact, Baker predicted that Cohen would achieve both prominence and celebrity at a rate unexcelled even by his born-to-be-famous predecessor, Harold Ford Jr.

Cohen’s apparently well on his way to making Baker a swami. Turn to the Comedy Central channel tonight and watch Cohen match wits with the host of the Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert himself. Q.E.D.

Categories
News

Herenton Declines Lee’s Resignation; Cites “Array of Evil”

In publicly rejecting MLGW president Joseph Lee’s resignation Thursday, Mayor Herenton declared, “I will not, cannot in good conscience participate in a media, political witch hunt that is currently operating in the city of Memphis around the leadership of this utility company.”

“Let me also say that I cannot approve any initiative that has the support of the Commercial Appeal, Carol Chumney, and Myron Lowery.”

He referred to the troika as “an array of evil.”

After rejecting the resignation, Herenton encouraged Lee to focus on regular folk, and their mistrust of the utility’s meter reading and billing.

“This is one disturbing issue, that I have been overwhelmed by criticism and concerns in the community. I’m asking Mr. Lee, help me and the citizens understand to help me and the citizens of Memphis to understand the spiraling increase … that leads many to believe that the billings are excessive and arbitrary,” Herenton said.

In the wake of the latest round of scandal, Herenton announced his solution. “Next week I will be requesting from the Memphis City Council an allocation of funds to provide assistance to needy citizens, many of whom are on fixed incomes,” he explained.

The mayor used the language of the VIP scandal to shift focus to MLGW’s service of financially needy customers. “Those are the people who deserve special treatment and financial assistance,” he said.

“I will be asking the City Council to support my request for $5 million… to assist us, in helping us to help the people who need it most.”

Though Herenton offered his respect and support to Lee, he seemed to distance himself from Lee’s ethics with an unusual gesture. Herenton read aloud a letter he sent Lee upon the latter’s appointment to the MLGW presidency in 2004.

In it, Herenton warned Lee about the new “friends and supporters,” he’d acquire, who would seek to “benefit from your position.

“You will be faced with denying requests of self-serving elected officials,” Herenton prophesized.
“You have entered a political and social world that will test who you are as a man.”

After finishing the letter, Herenton addressed Lee directly, saying, “Mr. Lee, you’re a good man, and you’re still in my prayers.”

Lee returned to the usual Thursday business of MLGW board meetings. The board passed a resolution “approving an instruction to staff to remove names of elected or appointed officials, or VIPs from MLGW’s Third Party Notification List that were set up outside the normal process.”

Another resolution approved “requesting that elected and appointed officials within the City of Memphis and MLGW acknowledge that their personal and business utility bills…payment histories, delinquencies, and cutoffs are public records….”

— Preston Lauterbach

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PETA To Protest Circus

Protesters from the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals will be at the Thursday night performance of the Al Chymia Shrine Circus.

PETA members will be holding a banner reading, “Shrine Circus Trainer Beats and Shocks Elephants,” and one protester will be dressed as an elephant covered in blood. They’ll also be showing a videotape they say shows a Shrine circus trainer mistreating elephants.

The protesters will be in front of the Agricenter from 6:30 to 7:30 p.m.

The Al Chymia Shrine Circus is an annual event that helps raise money for Shrine children’s hospitals across the country.