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Food & Wine Food & Drink

Getting Wood

There are a few things all grillers can agree on. None of them are related to barbecue. If you need proof, spend a morning at the Charcoal Store, a dusty warehouse on Florida Street where barbecue purists go to fuel up.

“I had eight different cooking teams in one morning, and all they could talk about was barbecue,” says owner Pert Whitehead, who’s seeing a lot of traffic in these few days before the Memphis In May World Championship Barbecue Cooking Contest. “Some cook their hog belly-side up or belly-side down, and they argued back and forth for hours. Usually, you get a bunch of men around, they’re talking about drinking or women or golf. But these people who are really into barbecue, they can talk about it all day long.”

Everybody walking out of Whitehead’s shop is bragging about the wisdom of their purchase. And everybody walking in will tell you why the previous fella doesn’t know what he’s talking about. And among the serious grillers, few things are more controversial than getting wood.

“What was that other guy thinking?” says a stocky, balding, middle-aged man who stopped to pick up charcoal for his barbecue team. As a charcoal purist, he’s appalled by the vast quantity of hickory and cherry the previous customer hauled away. “Those logs flame up,” he says, disapprovingly. And he’s right. Smoking with wood can be tricky, and knowing how to match a wood with what’s going down on the grill can be even trickier.

“When people get their wood, it’s kind of like wine tasters,” Whitehead says. “I’ve heard people describe everything from a crayon flavor to a nutty flavor. But in this market, the favorite wood is still hickory, and people use it for pork mostly. It’s good for about anything. But it’s easy to oversmoke, and if you oversmoke with hickory, your meat gets bitter, almost like you were using liquid smoke.”

For something a little mellower, Whitehead recommends fruit woods, particularly apple, peach, and pecan.

“Your apple and your peach are milder,” he says. “Pecan is in the middle. It’s in the hickory family.”

Mesquite, Whitehead says, is at the bottom of the list in this part of the country because the spicy wood is so strong and easy to overdo. “Some people use it for chicken, but it’s used mainly out in the Southwest where they barbecue a lot of beef,” he says. “There’s very little beef here, and it’s best on things that you’re cooking fairly fast, like steaks, hamburgers, chicken.”

Whitehead has been anxious because the barbecue contest is just around the corner and his shipment of apple wood hasn’t arrived. Among the more delicately flavored fruitwoods, apple has been his best-seller, though the much stronger cherry has been coming on in recent years.

“But what they really recommend for fish is orange,” he says. “The only problem is that orange is hard to come by in cotton country. The big fad out West is using alder wood when you’re cooking salmon, so I get a lot of requests for alder from transplanted people from California. But it’s quite expensive.

“Charcoal is basically the heat source,” Whitehead says, explaining why wood isn’t the only thing that can add flavor to your food. “What you really want is charcoal that doesn’t have anthracite or lime or any other additives, because if you’ve got a heat source that’s not pure, it’s usually going to have an aroma of its own. That’s not good if you’re slow-cooking. Now if you’re just doing hamburgers or something that’s only going to cook 15 to 30 minutes, it’s not going to have time to acquire that taste.”

Hardwoods aren’t the only desirable material for producing flavorful smoke. Teas are often used to smoke meats for Asian dishes, especially fowl. Though not recommended for slow-cooking, dried herbs like oregano, sage, and particularly the woody-stemmed rosemary work beautifully with meats and veggies that don’t spend too much time on the grill. Sassafras root gives meats a distinctly sassafrassy aroma, and grapevine, while strong, can infuse a lamb shank with its tangy, citrus flavor.

“Some woods are prohibitively strong,” Whitehead says. “Persimmon is one of those woods that almost borders on being too strong, but it’s also unusual. Somebody looking for something different might want to give it a try. I hear the judges at the barbecue contest sometimes like things just because they’re a little bit different.”

Grilling with scrap lumber or sawdust would probably be a bad idea since lumber is generally made of pine and often soaked with chemicals and reenforced with glue. Pine and other resinous evergreens produce tar when they burn and make food inedible. Cottonwood is almost always a bad idea, though it’s sometimes used. Poplar and willow should both be avoided. That still leaves a lot of wood for a griller to choose from.

“And what you’re seeing more and more is people mixing up different kinds of wood,” Whitehead says. But that’s a whole other story.

Categories
Theater Theater Feature

Barf! The Review

I can remember being a child of 6 or 7 and playing with a neighbor’s dog on the gray, nail-scarred porch of a relative’s house somewhere in the vast and verdant emptiness of rural Tennessee. An older male relative — a great-uncle perhaps — approached and touched my shoulder in that creepy way only men who may or may not be your great-uncle can. He said, “You know, son, me and that there dog, we have an awful lot in common.” And being a precocious brat given to speaking in badly mimicked Shakespearian prose, I countered the old man, asking, “Tell me, cousin, beyond your love of wagging, how can that be so?”

“In this world,” he answered too somberly, “if you can’t eat it or screw it, piss on it.” And then he walked away.

I’ve carried those silly words with me for more than 30 years, but I never found much use for the crass metaphor until I sat down to ponder the relative merits of Bark! The Musical. Finding the show unappealing both sexually and gastronomically, I was overcome by a nearly irresistible urge to raise my leg and water all the lovely Lon Anthony statues in Theatre Memphis’ sculpture garden. As much as I’d like to applaud TM for breaking from its habits and staging original work composed by a native Memphian, I just can’t do it.

Bark!, a cutesy musical revue about a bunch of dogs hanging out at Dee Dee’s Doggie Daycare, is enough to make even an avid Andrew Lloyd Webber detractor say kind things about Cats. At least Webber’s creative team had the good sense to forgo too much talk about loving humans and smelly litterboxes in order to tell a story about the secret life of cats who come together in a dark alley to celebrate an arcane feline ritual. Cats, at least, has something like a plot and builds to a climax. Bark!, by comparison, is a narrative-free collection of 22 songs about all the

things we love, hate, and love to hate about dogs, performed by five actors in silly spandex dog costumes. Bark! has poop songs, pee songs, butt-sniffing songs, leg-humping songs, and songs with enough sentimental tear-jerking to fill three remakes of Old Yeller. The most positive thing I can say about the musical is that fans of the Christopher Guest mocumentary Best in Show might get a real kick out of it, if and only if, they can pretend it was actually written by Parker Posey.

Sample lyric: “You fill my bowl. I fill your soul.” And there’s more where that came from.

The most tragic thing about Bark! The Musical (other than the fact it’s yet another “Colon! The Musical” musical) is that the cast is so darn committed, gifted, earnest, and entertaining. The harmonies are tight, the solos heartfelt. The dancing ambitious, energetic, and excellent. But for what? For a children’s show that’s an act too long with too many references to humping, bitches, and cutting off testicles to make it appropriate for children? Nevertheless, Jonathan Christian, Stephen Garrett, Stephanie Kim, Lynden Lewis, and Jesus Manuel Pacheco all deserve super-trouper awards for making something so hard to watch look like a lot of fun to do.

I can’t say enough kind things about Theatre Memphis’ resident costumer André Bruce Ward. But Christian’s shiny silver hound-dog costume makes him look more like a bounty hunter from the Star Wars universe than any of man’s best friends. The remaining costumes transform the actors into refugees from a hippie colony founded by Raggedy Ann and Andy. Conversely, the digitized scenic design by Daniel A. Kopera is as innovative and visually exciting as it is practical.

Bark!, for all its problems, should play well in Memphis. It has had successful runs in L.A. and Chicago and will soon be opening off-Broadway in New York, where it will also find an enthusiastic audience among dog people and furry fetishists. It is cute by design, and for some folks, a collection of sweet pop melodies about fleas, catching frisbees, and farting in your sleep is just what the veterinarian ordered.

The musical compositions by former Memphian David Troy Francis borrow expertly from gospel, blues, doo-wop, and hip-hop traditions. Taken one at a time, they are as adorable as a pound puppy. But without a story to tell, they just lie around the room like an old gaseous mutt who likes to chew the furniture.

Through May 13th