Well, it’s officially Christmas movie season. If you’re beyond binging the Hallmark channel and have It’s a Wonderful Life committed to memory, Saturday’s Time Warp Drive-In has something for you. It’s the annual Strange Christmas program, and this year does not disappoint.
The first film is a stone-cold classic of horror comedy that has left generations of uptight parents and pearl-clutchers muttering “I’m not so sure this is appropriate …” Gremlins was the brainchild of director Joe Dante and writer Chris Columbus (who would go on to direct the first two Harry Potter movies.) It stars Zach Galligan as Billy, a young man trying to carve out an independent life for himself, who gets a strange gift from his father, an aspiring inventor named Randall, memorably played by country singer Hoyt Axton. It’s a new pet mogwai, unlike anything Billy has seen before. The mogwai in question, named Gizmo, comes with a few rules, which are promptly broken, to catastrophic results.
The character of Santa Claus is an amalgamation between the real life St. Nicholas, a Turkish bishop from the third century CE who is the patron saint of, among other things, thieves and prostitutes, and the Dutch Sinterklaas, along with a generous helping of revisions by American writer Thomas Nast and the Coca-Cola company. But what if he was actually a murderously evil supernatural force that has been barely contained for thousands of years? That’s the premise of Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale.
I’ll have to admit, I had to look this one up. I’d never heard of the 2010 Finnish horror film before, but it looks absolutely bonkers. Grave robbing? Check. Yuletide kidnapping and extortion? Check. Explosions? You better believe there are explosions.
For the third film, something a little more traditional …
Oh, who am I kidding? It’s Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. It’s a film that, as they say, does what’s on the tin. When Santa decides to outsource some elf work to the Red Planet, things go awry, and he’s forced to use force against the evil green rulers of Barsoom. How did this thing get made? On the one hand, it’s a transparently ridiculous pitch. Santa doesn’t “conquer” things. He gives gifts to good girls and boys. On the other hand, it’s a great pitch, because bam — instant name recognition, and no copyright issues, at least until the Martians get here and sue you for defamation. Either way, the pitch resonated with someone with too much disposable income, and now we have this timeless non-classic. You might have heard of this 1964 film because it was the basis for a Mystery Science Theatre 3000 episode. But at the Time Warp Drive-In, it’s presented in all its non-glory, and you’re free to do the riffing yourself.
The Time Warp Drive-In: Strange Christmas starts at 7 p.m. on Saturday, December 4th, at the Malco Summer Drive-In. Three movies for $25 per car, so find someone with a van and pack ’em in.